Devangel

Scripter · 12-12-2013, 08:43 PM

If I could just put my rhymes
on the paper
and pull out my mind
the good times
instead of all the crimes
and wicked capers
an hide the evil eyes
from my neighbors
there might be a way
to subside with these angels angles
even demons
aren't flame proof
they're one in the same
who you playing
God don't reign men
things just haven't been
the same
since being placed
in this place
to save an gain wings
an remain his right hand
like the holy ghost riding
to save the soul of Satan

big baby · 12-12-2013, 09:58 PM

This is intereTing as well. I'm going to post an interesting piece as well.

PancakeBrah · 12-13-2013, 09:30 PM

"an hide the evil eyes
from my neighbors "

That was solid.

Obviously needs to be fleshed out, not even in terms of line length but in purpose and depth. Angel angles? Piece seems relatively troll-ish. This can't be judged as a 'poem' even though it's structured like how someone thinks a poem should be structured. It's neither here no there.

Scripter · 12-14-2013, 12:12 AM

I appreciate the feed
I do like an abstract style of writing from time to time.
I like to explore different angles
It's all merely to make people think.

12-12-2013, 08:43 PM	#1
Scripter _Al_GO_RYTHMIC Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 644 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 0	Devangel If I could just put my rhymes on the paper and pull out my mind the good times instead of all the crimes and wicked capers an hide the evil eyes from my neighbors there might be a way to subside with these angels angles even demons aren't flame proof they're one in the same who you playing God don't reign men things just haven't been the same since being placed in this place to save an gain wings an remain his right hand like the holy ghost riding to save the soul of Satan __________________ http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗ ║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝ ║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗ ╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝ ¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪ ◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕ ☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬ ♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡

12-13-2013, 09:30 PM	#3
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	"an hide the evil eyes from my neighbors " That was solid. Obviously needs to be fleshed out, not even in terms of line length but in purpose and depth. Angel angles? Piece seems relatively troll-ish. This can't be judged as a 'poem' even though it's structured like how someone thinks a poem should be structured. It's neither here no there. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

12-14-2013, 12:12 AM	#4
Scripter _Al_GO_RYTHMIC Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 644 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 0	I appreciate the feed I do like an abstract style of writing from time to time. I like to explore different angles It's all merely to make people think. __________________ http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗ ║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝ ║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗ ╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝ ¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪ ◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕ ☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬ ♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡

12-12-2013, 09:58 PM	#2
big baby obsessed Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: fucka idiyote Posts: 5,709 Battle Record: Faggot-1 Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2 Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2 - was candidate for gerber baby 3x - smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote" - smush beer on head and didn't cry - parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once - when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan - won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a - neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper - set neighbor house on fire lmao - fuck neighbor husband and wife - first fish caught resembled david ortiz - colin kaepernick - related to genghis khan - elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club - never lost game of hide and seek Rep Power: 8599682	This is intereTing as well. I'm going to post an interesting piece as well.