.:: Deranged Change ::.

[Deranged Change]

''My worst fear is that when I take off my mask, no-one will notice.''
- Objective.

The essence of a madman is when you feel the mind's presence.
They use my psych journal's as essays and psychology lessons.
Shouldn't step to me - When I walk I leave a path of mental impressions,
and open new doors in psych after therapy sessions.
Don't look at me; I'm the medusa of mental health & I owe no apology,
talking shrinks to suicide is my version of reverse psychology.
Just read my eulogy; I have no cause, I leave that for the therapy,
The guy with no flaws except for his own enemy; a case so hard it'll be the end of V.
No vendetta, beside of that time the beretta talked me to crime.
Inside hides a monster, I feed him daily - No lemonade, I only got the lime.
Birthmark's a sign that I love my creator, and give cred where credit is due -
The product of modern society, more importantly; I'm made by people like you
where braindamage comes through. I guess that's why I'm so blunt,
why my prognosis states that I change diagnosis at least twice a month.
Drug lords don't phase me, prescription kills and try hards do nothin'.
Deranged Change - this conviction thrills the psych wards ragamuffin'.

[dull boy]

This character is predictable and boring.

[Geno]

Objective. You need to take more risks. Get outside of the norm.
The name change is ok I guess. But honestly.. you need to branch out somehow. Mechanically and conceptually.

Keep writing

[Objective]

Originally Posted by Genocide

Objective. You need to take more risks. Get outside of the norm.
The name change is ok I guess. But honestly.. you need to branch out somehow. Mechanically and conceptually.

Keep writing

Not a namechange but this is me taking risks, hah! And I was also interested to see what Veritas got to say about me naming and personifying mental issues which I suspected he'd pick up, but he hasn't so I'm kind of disappointed that he, as the forum-shrink, hasn't even mentioned it. Makes me wonder whether he takes a step back before he's exposed or not. Or perhaps he's just observing and making some kind of an evaluation of some sort, I don't know, but I'm still interested to see what he got to say.

Either way; I definitely feel what you're saying about it though, just trying out some different shit. No excuses, but my life has improved quite a bit lately and I feel like it's taking its toll on how I write as well. I don't really feel like I need an abstract outlet for my negative emotions which was at its peak during ISTL, I'm trying to handle living a positive life which I haven't been able to do before and be able to get rid of the last bit of negativity within me which I'm trying to do here and really put shit to light. Hah, everything in this verse is as real as it gets although exaggerated here and there (my past and story has been used by child services anonymously in presentations and I nearly made one of my shrinks cry when I told her about the flaws in the way she was dealing with me and how it could potentially lead to suicide if I had been someone else, and another one yelled at me to get the fuck out of her office(yes, she sweared and I was 12 at the time) and some other dude prescribed anti-depressants to me and went on a leave without telling), kinda similar to the realest shit-verse you posted a few days ago that I haven't left any feed on yet, but I'll come back to it. Deranged Change is simply put a side of me that makes me do crazy shit, although not Beretta-crazy, but crazy enough that the cops sent for psych eval rather than a cell at one point and my case isn't different from what a lot of other people deal with; hence the ''product of modern society''-line, should'a made that more clear though and I've went back'n'forth between diagnosis given earlier. The rest is self-explanatory.

Thanks a lot for the honest feed, you got me thinking quite a bit about what route I want to take with my written-pieces. Also; I don't take anything I, or others, post to heart in a bad way so no bad blood or anything like that if you, or anyone else, would think I'd take the feedback emotionally. I mean; I've repeated my story to strangers enough times already cuz I had to and I've been criticized by just as many so me posting shit up here means nothing to me emotionally if you know what I mean? (Felt I had to add it just in case, some people are soft and might think ''oh shit, maybe I said something wrong'', just letting you know that you didn't just in case). In other words; What you said is appreciated a lot! Words from people of your caliber is stuff I take into serious consideration. Hopefully my future pieces will be more enjoyable reads.

@dull boy: Yet, that character is as real as it gets no matter how boring and predictable it is. More than most people can say about their aliases, it got to count for something? If not; Oh well, not a big deal tbh.

[Vulgar]

I didn't mind that you joined as an alias and attempted something original. Have as much fun with being an "avatar" on the internet, if you will. Expand on your inner self to the fullest and share it with others in anonymity on the web sphere, in peace. You are going in the right direction, in my opinion.

this conviction thrills the psych wards ragamuffin'.
^Lol. I thought this was humorous for some reason. Mostly because I haven't heard or read the word 'ragamuffin' in 5+ years.

Your topical writing ranges from average to provocative. I think that this can be attributed to you not reading enough books. One of the root causes of this is, for example, that you repeat words and take obvious routes when writing. I'm going to bold what I'm indicating:

The essence of a madman is when you feel the mind's presence.
They use my psych journal's as essays and psychology lessons.
Shouldn't step to me - When I walk I leave a path of mental impressions,
and open new doors in psych after therapy sessions.
Don't look at me; I'm the medusa of mental health & I owe no apology,
talking shrinks to suicide is my version of reverse psychology.
Just read my eulogy; I have no cause, I leave that for the therapy

You can easily eliminate predictable fodder and offer something really gritty and full of pulp. Have you heard Movies for the Blind by Cage? It's a CD I think you would like, and it might help you in refining your own style. You won't necessarily be copying his persona or techniques, but studying them to better your own. You've got a lot of potential as everyone in the ISTL took note of as well as folks on NC's. If I could give you a tip, it'd be to read more material that enables you to expand your mind, and the mind of the reader - and also, be mindful of how many times you repeat the same notions in your verses, because it scorches the mechanics and makes it tired right out of the gates. Hope this helps. @Objective

Keep doing you

[Objective]

@Vulgar: Word. I actually usually pay notice to these sort of things, but I completely disregarded it in this case. And for that I take full responsibility when it comes to repetition of words. It's kinda extremely basic so I realize I failed quite a bit on this text. Going to feed a few drops and post something soon I would appreciate a lot if you took a look at.

Your words definitely helped, I read your feed when you first posted it but I haven't replied until I now. I obviously needed a repetition of this kind of kind of feedback and have paid closer attention to it now which hopefully shows in the piece I'm about to drop. Thanks a lot for the thorough feedback!

And thanks to all for checking it out and leaving some words.