Week 5 - Vulgar (2-0) vs. Lexicon (1-1) - VULGAR WINS 12-2

[Certain]

Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic






Good luck @Vulgar, @Lexicon

[Angkor]

yea.

[Vulgar]

yup

Voted on

J vs Cert
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=26937
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=26805

[Vulgar]

Women wouldn't give him the light of day - the power must be taken out
Was it the devil in the details that thwarted him,
or the hours spent in Satan's house?
Surrounded by strangers, he rarely ever heard his name in a sentence
His kryptonite was the fact that he had no Lois Lane to begin with
When Ingrid stood him up at a restaurant, he thought he felt his face erupt
When Chun Li did the same, he kicked himself & bought some Asian smut
"The Glass City's splendid enough, in a place where the plaintiffs strut"
might be a cat and mouse game if the emotional range is rough
Reindeer tusks hang over a fireplace; pangs of lust, outside it's raining gusts
Southside, it's mainly drugs - the alpines are gray and brusque
His singular view of the Appalachians and plainspeak thrush
Here was the story of a lonely suburbanite who can't be touched
A Wall Street damsel was rather attainable
he'd made enough bankrolls to support a sample of grainy prose
as Amy glowed, he watched her glide, the studs on her bracelet flow
Wolfed down Adderals to contain his muse
Full blown Kasparov with his chess master frame & lanky glutes
yet he wasn't famed in groups - his mind was his muscle in a race of brutes
Needless to say he wasn't the life of the party
he just wanted to spend the night with somebody
Some evenings he'd pray for an eventual wife and a Harley
Driving down a country road, cigar in mouth, a tyke in the car seat
An Ichabod Crane build and hopeful look in his eyes...
He couldn't mend his empty feelings without a woman to prize
Unsure if girl problems would be his downfall or stepping stone
An epsilon, he trekked into the town hall to fetch a scone
For him, romance was missing - felt like he was in an abandoned prison
Until a strange, thin girl came up to him offering weed brownies
Meeting her gaze, he consumed every deliciously potent tidbit...
"Why, thank you," - from there, he handled business

[Angkor]

THE PROPOSAL
By Angkor

Bigger Better Business Marketing
executive summary


BBB Marketing is a soul proprietor.
providing clients with over 90 kind of signage plus...
utilizing the true and tried tools of the past
our rudimentary rubric commit to units in mass
producing lucrative revenue; through beautiful ads
we guarantee to move consumers using luminous facts
without views from you, the clients, we'll continue to build
a foundation that proves useful; so let's move us some cash!!


mission statement/service

Here at bbb marketing, our mission is clear
In our hands,
your brand's handled with commitment and care
providing you, our valued clients, with a finest provision
with eyes for design, you'll find we know what's hot and what isn't
put your trust in our system, sit down and shut your mouth
we'll make the world eat you up....chew....then spit u out


marketing analysis

Sex sell, my friend. We'll put the ass in mass market
it's fact that these rap artists have mastered this graph target
which transfer to cash profit. according to stats more than
one half of the mass populace act on a brash process
called titty and ass logic, you figure it’s ass backward??
Observe how in past often the theme of an ad prospered
through scantily clad “objects” and sexually tagged concept

Jovan Musk Oil, introduced in 1971, was promoted with sexual entendre and descriptions of the fragrance's sexual attraction properties. As a result, Jovane, Inc.'s revenue grew from $1.5 million in 1971 to $77 million by 1978 (Sloan & Millman, 1979).

marketing and promotion
...bla


@Vulgar - sorry man. i had an idea but lost steam half way. Probably wouldve lost anyway. I'll be more prepared next time we meet. Good shit.

[patrown]

/v Vulgar - hmmmm. tbh this verse felt incomplete. idk if you got the heads up he was gonna drop an unfinished verse or you just didn't have much confidence in your opponent. but either way, this was a good drop from anybody. liked the vidya references. favorite lines..

A Wall Street damsel was rather attainable
he'd made enough bankrolls to support a sample of grainy prose
as Amy glowed, he watched her glide, the studs on her bracelet flow

flowed real good, actually. just like how you worded that set.
even here..

Needless to say he wasn't the life of the party
he just wanted to spend the night with somebody

you got a gift with words man. hope to see you showcase your talents more thoroughly in the near future. creative story, ended rather abruptly but was developed well enough early on. good drop.

Lexicon - You should have asked for an extension man. You laid the foundation of a verse that could have easily beat what vulgar dropped. not to say... friday @ 11:59.. things would have ended differently. i like the offbeat scheme. you paved a path you should've followed. honestly hope you finish this and drop it in the open mic and tag our asses.
favorite set..

utilizing the true and tried tools of the past
our rudimentary rubric commit to units in mass
producing lucrative revenue; through beautiful ads
we guarantee to move consumers using luminous facts

favorite lines..

providing you, our valued clients, with a finest provision
with eyes for design, you'll find we know what's hot and what isn't

least favorite lines..

one half of the mass populace act on a brash process
called titty and ass logic, you figure it’s ass backward??
Observe how in past often the theme of an ad prospered
through scantily clad “objects” and sexually tagged concept

obviously an outline... just ext next time but keep doing what you're doing.
it would have worked out with some added effort.

[Cope]

When Ingrid stood him up at a restaurant, he thought he felt his face erupt
When Chun Li did the same, he kicked himself & bought some Asian smut
"The Glass City's splendid enough, in a place where the plaintiffs strut"
might be a cat and mouse game if the emotional range is rough
Reindeer tusks hang over a fireplace; pangs of lust, outside it's raining gusts
Southside, it's mainly drugs - the alpines are gray and brusque
His singular view of the Appalachians and plainspeak thrush
Here was the story of a lonely suburbanite who can't be touched




that part really stood out for me...

great vocab/imagery with lucrative schemes and meta's that kept the whole read enjoyable and enthralling. good mix of emotion and overall just a really well written piece for a topic that imo doesn't have a whole lot to build from. personally felt that you could have ended it on a different note but all in all good read.

lexicon, all in all you had a good structure/idea and outline to have a potentially awesome piece, but it seems like the time crunch, and lack of planning the verse out kind of made the piece suffer.

all in all i have vulgar catching the dub.

[Pent uP]

Damnit angkor I was looking forward to this battle

[symetrik]

vulgar:
fave lines:

Reindeer tusks hang over a fireplace; pangs of lust, outside it's raining gusts
Southside, it's mainly drugs - the alpines are gray and brusque
His singular view of the Appalachians and plainspeak thrush
Here was the story of a lonely suburbanite who can't be touched

good story line, a bit depressing but good images.
i disliked the closing.

lexicon:
fave line:

utilizing the true and tried tools of the past
our rudimentary rubric commit to units in mass
producing lucrative revenue; through beautiful ads
we guarantee to move consumers using luminous facts
without views from you, the clients, we'll continue to build
a foundation that proves useful; so let's move us some cash!!

such a good idea where this was going, I was really looking forward to it, but it fell apart around

we'll make the world eat you up....chew....then spit u out

if you had stuck true to the first stanza and delivered in that style all the way through, the vote would have been all yours.

vote: vulgar

[Mr. J]

this was an interesting battle for what it was
I felt if Lex came with a stronger finish he would have held his own
hell, it could have gotten my vote & made this an even battle
Vulgar...you are one of my fave writers
I miss the ol' Winston's Watch Collection On The Church Hill
or however you chose to work out your titles with your topic of choice
but the switching of your style doesn't seem to tear down your work
v/Vulgar


if I need to say more about this I would, but I feel it was one sided after Lex's end
:( sad moment but great work from both writers...nice job fellas

[Certain]

I'll vote Sunday night.

[Mike Wrecka]

ya this battle had a lot of potential. even as it stands it was impressive

vulgar good verse. the flow was even better than your usual which says a lot. tbh very early in the verse I thought it was going to be about blanka from street fighter. and got excited as hell. lol. but ya man good verse I enjoyed it and its very clear you are here to fuck some people up and are fully focused.


lexicon, welcome to the league man. ive never read your stuff before. its clear you have top notch talent. the flow and content of this was very good. but obviously a half finished verse wont get my vote. I must point these lines out though

producing lucrative revenue; through beautiful ads
we guarantee to move consumers using luminous facts
without views from you, the clients, we'll continue to build
a foundation that proves useful; so let's move us some cash!!


that third line stretches into the fourth and goes a long way without a rhyme. but somehow you made it work wonderfully. I never like that method of writing in a text verse. I actually hate it usually but this just sounded great here. so respect for making me open my mind towards that a bit. if you had finished your verse this could have BOTW. oh well. stay signed in if you can and give it another go next week


thanks for the reads guy.

vote= vulgar

[NYCSPITZ]

nice battle, i like how vulgar can open with 3 lines and still make it fluid despite the rhyme being on line 3. anyways, i thought vulgar brought a more poetic and skilled piece. The theme of trying to find a woman was consistent and the rhymes were real creative and cool. Don't know if this is semi-autobiographical. Lexicon this is a good piece and you have some intellectual poise here but Vulgar's voice was overpoweringly unique here.

v/ vulgar

[Split]

vulgar gets my VOTW.

[Geno]

Hmmm. Loved vulgars idea of kryptonite and superman references

Lexi had a very abstract approach, I thought it was quite clever.. but not very appealing in competioton with vulgars verse

Good battle and great match of talents.
Vulgar leaned me with content though

V-vulgar

[PancakeBrah]

Vulgar -

Gewd stuff. Everything was cohesive, with the random flourishes of inspiration and brilliance that gives you your signature. I only wrestled with two bits of wording, 'raining gusts' and 'grainy prose', but aside from that the technical aspect of the verse was pretty much flawless. This type of verse is one of my favorites to write, a character sketch in the shell of a 'story', with the story aspect just being a vehicle to further add detail. You handled it with much aplomb. Good verse.

Lexicon -

The piece of the puzzle you did have was great. I was interested throughout. Your rhythm and rhymes were strong and increased the reading experience instead of detracting from it. I thought the social critique masked the way it was was borderline brilliant. It could have been corny in the wrong hands but you knew what you were doing. Shame you didn't finish the verse, it had great potential.

v/ Vulgar

[King Ra.]

Damn, I thought this match would be hella dope but it actually lacked though both parties had some potential. Vulgar, I liked your story but it definitely would have benefited more if you had more lines to round it out. It reads like something that you put together without too much effort, and that's not to say it wasn't good. I liked your descriptions the most but I got lost trying to fully understand your story's direction. But everything else all in all, solid. Lexicon, the first two stanza's actually drew me in. I was like, "okay, this could be very interesting" but then it trailed off into... nothing. The rest lacked in content compared to the first two sections, and as mentioned from others, if you actually took the time to finish this off, you would have got my vote because your concept/approach was very intriguing compared to your opponent's.

MVGT: Vulgar. Good job by both competitors.

[breathless]

Vote - Vulgar (by default)

Straight up lex, if you would've completed this I'm pretty sure you ulda won. Not sure if the font choice was intentional, but right of the bat, I was like Wtf did dude just copy a job orientation letter, then I quickly got where you were going... But then you never went anywhere

Vulgar, this was literally too much, the overmeta/overvocab/overmulti woulda killed if done in moderation. Not that it was wrong, it was just too much man, I had to read it twice just to get what you were going at. And unless I missed something super spectacular with the chin li stuff (aside from kicked and Asian smut) using a name from a video game is just silly in comparison to the rest and was really off putting for me

[Adonis]

Vulgar - "Some evenings he'd pray for an eventual wife and a Harley
Driving down a country road, cigar in mouth, a tyke in the car seat"

Visual killed me bro. hilarious imagery there. So...Superb writing as always as far as mechanics and flow go. however, I'm missing out on something because I don't see a link to the topic. After my vote maybe you can PM me and explain, because I don't know what it is. As far as I can see, the guy is an attorney or judge, and he kills this girl in the end because he seemed like a psycho to me. Still no connection to topic other than money which you mentioned twice I believe. Like the "raining gusts", some other nice imagery sprinkled about. All in all, solid read other than the issue I emntioned.

lex - ASSHOLE!!!! highest potential bro, WTF? You killed it. I have no idea where you would have gone with this, but I'm sure it would have been stellar. I enjoy your writing style. Crisp flow, but not over powering. Subtle imagery, but not blanketing.


V/Vulgar

Although if there were a simple 3 bar finisher I Lexicon had my vote. His verse was just more enjoyable up until that fuck of a ending.

[e11even]

Vulgar- This was an intimate piece and I dug how well it was written up until that last few bars. This was very descriptive and painted a world around the protagnist, albeit a gloomy one. The end, however, brought on an entirely different mood and didn't really leave much to savor. I feel like if you paced the body, you'd have reached a more complete and satisfying finish. You just spent too much detail on the backstory, then dove into the conclusion. Overall, good piece. This just doesn't feel like you put everything into it, though.

Lexicon- from my standpoint, experience and exposure to topicals, this was a pretty fresh concept and, up until that abrupt stop, engaging and entertaining. This was a good mock piece on marketing, and the sleazy ways companies promote products. This was funny and felt crisp lyrically. Your flow carried the verse very well, and it saddens me that it had to be submitted like that. Good stuff.

I liked both pieces. What this comes down to for me, as usual, is how I feel after the drop is over. What stood out to me was the moods, the originality of topics, and the technical execution. With all that said, MVGT Lexicon, because imo, its almost like neither one had an ending.