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#1 |
WOW
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,591
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nO gOoD!..
Im a monster, a beast, a breathin demon.. Exhaling smoke from my lungs when i breathe the weed in.. A feigning heathen.. who mastered a craft so accurate.. Stayin true when y'all acted like i lacked the knack for it.. So im back to rap a bit, but im lazy today Dont judge me for my habits when im blazin a J I try to write consistant, but my mind is a cloud.. So hope you didnt miss it, when i rhymed it out loud I try to stay perisitant, and I'll fake it at best But my progression is a lesson, and i take it in jest.. The weight on my chest gets lighter, exhaling smoke from my nose.. I could go on and on wandering all the roads that ive chose But I'll drown my sorrows, jack n coke with a dose of lemon twist Id write a rhyme, but rather crack a joke, smoke and reminisce So this is it for me, I'll wear my heart on my sleeve, Cause everytime I grab the pen, I swear ive started to breathe.. Genocide.. ..while I just talk in my sleep, toss in my sheets, nautiously weak I was often serene, until prescription pills kept haunting my dreams Now I'm just an author that fiends, i need feed and acceptance My self esteem is in question, this demons to free to contend with You readers are the key to redemption, s'why I bring life to words Perc's to notepads, til my nose has enough in it to write superb My nervous system pays the price in turn, just to give you flows I wouldn't blame it on u fagots, but ur part of my symptoms tho To make sure everythings written dope, its fucked up how it is and when you don't rtf, its like you don't give one ounce of a shit None of you are in my house when I'm sick, and can't find a cure When gens not around s'cause I'm outside tryina find some more Killing myself -ur entertainments what I'm dying for, dumb as a fuck I dont write for me -its for u if u really wanna start summing it up Scraping together my last couple of bucks just to write these lines And when I'm done, ill sniff a couple more and be twice as high Mike... and im a fight this guy,even though i dont know who he is, cause im drunk, tryin to escape the weight of raising these kids, attempting to box everyone , like im making a grid, my life was on cruise control, hit the brakes as I skid, bout to drown, dont look down, im embracing this bridge, wondering exactly how much more of this I can take and still live, ya as soon as I open up this bottle its through, cause im downing more spirits than the ghostbusters do, people see me at the bar and they cant believe it, i just wont stop taking shots.......... alex rodriguez, but it fuels my fire, while dulling my senses, and helps me write , without being apprehensive, you dudes cant feel my pain, but its my intention, to magnify and mirror all your imperfections , so im a keep drinking this beer, while making it clear, knocking people off their pedestal, is the only reason im here
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A.bove T.he R.est
Last edited by Mike Wrecka; 09-12-2013 at 10:21 PM. |
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#2 |
White Earl
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woooooooo. this shit is dope, nice verse mike, you fucking slayed that shit.
no good, appreciate the invite man. this was a dope concept. way to set the tone and get this collab popping in your verse dog. murdered that shit. i feel like everyones shit reflected the type of attitude that thier particular "poison" would instill in them.. the verses actually seemed to pick up and roll as if we all were getting high and our words progressed at the same time as our buzz did. good shit yall. thanks
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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#3 |
loose leaf bruce lee
Join Date: Mar 2013
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Ya man props dudes. This came off proper. Let me know if you all wanna do this again.
Holler
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#4 |
WOW
Join Date: Jan 2013
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YA GUYS DOPE SHIT. can we get some feed on this
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A.bove T.he R.est
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#5 |
Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Yall should record this shit. Had a dope vibe rolling through it that'd sound sick on audio. Surprised this hasn't gotten feed yet so I'll try to be in depth for all of you and give an up in the process.
NG you have a slick writing style that seems like it'd sound dope as hell on audio, which reminds me I ain't peeped one of your audios yet so I'm gonna do that tomorrow. Some of the lines felt stretched at first as I was reading it but then once I said it out loud it flowed together beautifully. Strong verse overall but the only complaint I have with it was there were no stand out lines in the piece. Still overall it was dope. Geno the flow you had here was slick as hell with dope multi's throughout. Everytime I read one of your pieces I feel like you're angry at the world and screaming fuck you with your pen...I like that. If I did have a complaint about this it'd be the "symptoms tho" line. It just came off a little awkward to me, but besides that strong showing. Mike to be honest you had my favorite verse of the piece here. Flowed perfectly with well executed multi's. The vocab imo was nothing special but sometimes the simplest things have the most effect and that's what your piece did. The standout line was the A-rod line. I lol'd at that shit lol. As I said before you three should record this shit. Peace holmes. |
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#6 |
Arm the Homeless
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Yall should record this shit. Had a dope vibe rolling through it that'd sound sick on audio. Surprised this hasn't gotten feed yet so I'll try to be in depth for all of you and give an up in the process.
NG you have a slick writing style that seems like it'd sound dope as hell on audio, which reminds me I ain't peeped one of your audios yet so I'm gonna do that tomorrow. Some of the lines felt stretched at first as I was reading it but then once I said it out loud it flowed together beautifully. Strong verse overall but the only complaint I have with it was there were no stand out lines in the piece. Still overall it was dope. Geno the flow you had here was slick as hell with dope multi's throughout. Everytime I read one of your pieces I feel like you're angry at the world and screaming fuck you with your pen...I like that. If I did have a complaint about this it'd be the "symptoms tho" line. It just came off a little awkward to me, but besides that strong showing. Mike to be honest you had my favorite verse of the piece here. Flowed perfectly with well executed multi's. The vocab imo was nothing special but sometimes the simplest things have the most effect and that's what your piece did. The standout line was the A-rod line. I lol'd at that shit lol. As I said before you three should record this shit. Peace holmes. |
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#7 |
WOW
Join Date: Jan 2013
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thanks Zenland!!!
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A.bove T.he R.est
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#8 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
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I'm drunk, listening to 'Strange Ways' by Madvillian. Great fucking song. Best on that album. So dope.
no good Before I begin, please stop the half-hearted ellipsis (..). It detracts. "Im a monster, a beast, a breathin demon.. Exhaling smoke from my lungs when i breathe the weed in.. A feigning heathen.. who mastered a craft so accurate.. Stayin true when y'all acted like i lacked the knack for it.." Didn't enjoy the rhyme of the first bar. I actually liked the last line of this portion. The sentiment is ubiquitous but idk, I liked the wording. An argument for wording! GOOD FOR YOU! Do you know what feigning means? If you do, you're smarter than I thought, if not you...you need to work on that. I can't tell. "So im back to rap a bit, but im lazy today Dont judge me for my habits when im blazin a J" Liked the first line, seemed honest. The second line didn't. The rhyme was weak. "I try to write consistant, but my mind is a cloud.. So hope you didnt miss it, when i rhymed it out loud" Depends on the perception of you. If this was Black or someone like that I'd probably like it. But I'm not sure you meant what you meant. It was solid to good. "I try to stay perisitant, and I'll fake it at best But my progression is a lesson, and i take it in jest.. The weight on my chest gets lighter, exhaling smoke from my nose.. I could go on and on wandering all the roads that ive chose" I think it'd be interesting if you did. So far it's been slightly generic. Write something in kin with that last line and fucking mean it. "But I'll drown my sorrows, jack n coke with a dose of lemon twist Id write a rhyme, but rather crack a joke, smoke and reminisce" I like lemon twist/reminisce. Like...a lot. Good rhyme. The 'lead up' rhymes actually detracted from it from me. You should've made that the only rhyme in this couplet and just content'd the fuck out. You dig? "So this is it for me, I'll wear my heart on my sleeve, Cause everytime I grab the pen, I swear ive started to breathe.. " Done before, but solid. You're a solid writer. I think you need to expand and introspect more to elevate. Genocide Master of technique! I'm not going to give a line by line breakdown. Not because you don't deserve it; you do. I put you in that Black, Vulgar, dullboy/bwhahaha level. You have such a nailed in style that it's redundant to critique. Your rhymes in this are beyond crisp; mechanics are on point beyond most. Whenever I see a Geno drop I know EXACTLY what's coming. That's where my critique on your last drop comes in, in terms of writing something out of your comfort zone. What I mean is try to switch your scheme. Because you've dialed in YOUR content and message to the point that you have a definite imitable style. You have some of the cleanest verse in the forum. Expand, explore. Break off from your normal schemes, expand content. Explore ideas and fuck rhymes. Then come back to rhymes that much stronger. You're one of the elite. Try to improve even moreso. Mike: I could beat you. I'll edit in a srs feed tomorrow. On my word.
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#9 |
loose leaf bruce lee
Join Date: Mar 2013
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Much respect for the honesty in that feed cake. Very much appreciated. I am smarter than you think btw hahah.
Props man. Holler |
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#10 |
Senior Member
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This was some fly shit right here. Nice to see my peoples still goin hard. No good you set the tone with a good foundation of passion then geno dropped the lyrical bombs followed by mw and his crispy smoothness. Ill quote my fav's from each later but I just wanted to give respect and bump this for you guys. Peace
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#11 |
White Earl
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Eyo @PancakeBrah
Thank you sir. I really appreciate your words. I will explore, and your name will be in the title.
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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