A Numbers Game

Artifice · 05-08-2020, 12:13 AM

He's...

a non-talkative toddler whose social ability stunts fast
so he was adorable... but also adorned with a dunce cap
at first had never had the drive to try and learn math
but when his brother died... he decided he’d do it Fermat
schooled himself so kid would have barely a summer
others had imaginary friends... he had imaginary numbers
for mom, it didn’t add up the way he tabled his times
but it wasn’t long ‘til in his division he was able to shine
he’d go to any length... come to think of it, any width
wasn’t an area of interest in which he wasn’t deadly with
only saw one kind of reality... and the truth was it
any problem to be solved, his knowledge got to the root of it
oddly enough he seemed to define the property square
but to even things out he’s on a plane with no oxygen there
and he had limits, like most he was trapped by some
but the only points he couldn’t argue against were axioms
eventually he’d enter university for he’s got the marks
earned a degree within weeks, test scores were off the charts
and every time his Penrose, his genius was talking
though at first most believed it was BS he was Hawking
by next December he was tenured and able to focus
before, never part of the equation, now it’s greatest exponent
faculty cosined that his mind was the best of the bunch
and he produced volumes of work, all with a depth untouched
the opposite of tribal... he saw the light without fire
and he wasn’t just one in a series... he was truly an outlier
ahead of the curve, and where most would get tangled
he’d go on tangents and simply approach it from different angles
had the formula for success where the rest were derivative
and his symptom made him asymptotic, in other words, limitless
variables defined, his designed solutions helped the people
so calculated his proofs are something that none will ever equal
yet he never aimed to change the world or gain a touch of fame
for he was a savant... and so to him, it was just a numbers game

big baby · 05-08-2020, 12:32 PM

mad syllables. try cutting down your syllables in each stanza but try to say the same thing with different words... can lead to breakthroughs in the following stanza, or make it easier on. yourself and the reader. thx!

Universe · 05-10-2020, 08:57 AM

Great stuff here, Artifice. I love these types of focused pieces - keeping to the topic throughout. It's tough to do. Not a huge fan of Math but I definitely appreciated this lol. I thought the flow was pretty good throughout and this read well...

Overall, very enjoyable. Hope this gets more replies.

Johnny 6 feet · 05-10-2020, 10:37 AM

Original as fuck. You took a unique topic and managed to lace it through the life story of your character without ever losing the running theme of mathematics. I like the idea of someone being written off only to turn the situation around and shine. Great metaphors, strong rhyme scheme and great choice of vocab. the length was just right; didn't overstay it's welcome.

Great stuff man. Keep up the good work. Rtf if you can.

-6

Exis · 05-10-2020, 08:14 PM

Good shit man, you kept things tight thru it's entirety...thought scheme wise it was nice.

Really enjoyed the read bro, stay upright.

Artifice · 05-10-2020, 09:56 PM

appreciate the feedback and will return the favour ppl...

05-08-2020, 12:13 AM	#1
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944949	A Numbers Game He's... a non-talkative toddler whose social ability stunts fast so he was adorable... but also adorned with a dunce cap at first had never had the drive to try and learn math but when his brother died... he decided he’d do it Fermat schooled himself so kid would have barely a summer others had imaginary friends... he had imaginary numbers for mom, it didn’t add up the way he tabled his times but it wasn’t long ‘til in his division he was able to shine he’d go to any length... come to think of it, any width wasn’t an area of interest in which he wasn’t deadly with only saw one kind of reality... and the truth was it any problem to be solved, his knowledge got to the root of it oddly enough he seemed to define the property square but to even things out he’s on a plane with no oxygen there and he had limits, like most he was trapped by some but the only points he couldn’t argue against were axioms eventually he’d enter university for he’s got the marks earned a degree within weeks, test scores were off the charts and every time his Penrose, his genius was talking though at first most believed it was BS he was Hawking by next December he was tenured and able to focus before, never part of the equation, now it’s greatest exponent faculty cosined that his mind was the best of the bunch and he produced volumes of work, all with a depth untouched the opposite of tribal... he saw the light without fire and he wasn’t just one in a series... he was truly an outlier ahead of the curve, and where most would get tangled he’d go on tangents and simply approach it from different angles had the formula for success where the rest were derivative and his symptom made him asymptotic, in other words, limitless variables defined, his designed solutions helped the people so calculated his proofs are something that none will ever equal yet he never aimed to change the world or gain a touch of fame for he was a savant... and so to him, it was just a numbers game

05-10-2020, 08:57 AM	#3
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Great stuff here, Artifice. I love these types of focused pieces - keeping to the topic throughout. It's tough to do. Not a huge fan of Math but I definitely appreciated this lol. I thought the flow was pretty good throughout and this read well... Overall, very enjoyable. Hope this gets more replies. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

05-10-2020, 10:37 AM	#4
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558447	Original as fuck. You took a unique topic and managed to lace it through the life story of your character without ever losing the running theme of mathematics. I like the idea of someone being written off only to turn the situation around and shine. Great metaphors, strong rhyme scheme and great choice of vocab. the length was just right; didn't overstay it's welcome. Great stuff man. Keep up the good work. Rtf if you can. -6

05-10-2020, 08:14 PM	#5
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Good shit man, you kept things tight thru it's entirety...thought scheme wise it was nice. Really enjoyed the read bro, stay upright.

05-10-2020, 09:56 PM	#6
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944949	appreciate the feedback and will return the favour ppl...