veritas

[uh-oh]

whenever i see someone from my past, after the interaction, be it good or bad i end up in a shame spiral of misery

how does one overcome having been a piece of shit?

most people who are pieces of shit aren't cognizant of it, its sort of a prerequisite. but i was, and am fully aware of what i was, so how does one come to grips with it

[Destroyer]

forgive yourself
move on
be better

[uh-oh]

my strategy is

forget about it
move on
be better

which works until your reminded of it.

the whole forgiveness thing is probably the correct route. i was a legit scumbag THO. and i have my credo's and rules to life, where i wouldn't forgive others for said misdeeds, so if i was to forgive my own actions it would be hypocritical. at the same time i've made amends, which is supposed to clear the conscience somewhat, but not really

in reality its mainly just scumbag violence and thievery, general loser debauchery. but fucking over people who thought they were my friends but werent type scenarios.

today i ran into a peripheral friend of a certain scenario where someone we both know was a victim of my youthful retardation. it was just a casual oh watsup dude hows shit going scenario nothing to do with anything but it brought it all back up and i was miserable afterward because i was confronted by old demons. like he had nothing to do with anything other than i knew him from when i was scum

oh well. tis life, eh

[WRATH]

Stay the course

[Witty]

I get this.

Alcohol helps.

Until the next morning when you are extremely paranoid for no reason at all.

[Witty]

But yeah...you can't change the past my friend.

I live with the same shame and guilt as you. It may not ever go away, but you just have to be who you are now.

Love yourself bro.

[veritas]

The answer is tied to another question's answer, sir.

that being:

"How long does one need to be changed before people believe in the fact and treat him as such?"

the answer?

"As long as it takes."

the closer they were to you, or the more dirt you did to them, the longer it will take. It is also possible that they will never change their perceptions of you. You must wisely discern this.

The question now is, have you changed?

[uh-oh]

but nah of course i've changed. not mentally though. im still the same piece of shit i just don't put myself in position to be a piece of shit anymore.

also i want to say im not concerned with others perceptions of me, but i guess that is exactly it. this instance for example, in my head this person should see me as a piece of shit, but they don't. which complicates things because i'm a genuinely likable dude. which is stupid to say, but i feel like everyone wants to be my friend and i hate it. but anyways i think its alot of guilt in the sense that they shouldn't like me but they do. and then enlightenment. thanks doggie. i don't like myself so i don't get why others do.

boom

[veritas]

Originally Posted by uh-oh

but nah of course i've changed. not mentally though. im still the same piece of shit i just don't put myself in position to be a piece of shit anymore.

also i want to say im not concerned with others perceptions of me, but i guess that is exactly it. this instance for example, in my head this person should see me as a piece of shit, but they don't. which complicates things because i'm a genuinely likable dude. which is stupid to say, but i feel like everyone wants to be my friend and i hate it. but anyways i think its alot of guilt in the sense that they shouldn't like me but they do. and then enlightenment. thanks doggie. i don't like myself so i don't get why others do.

boom

At first I was like ego. But then I see you had good insight in your conclusion. Dope. Lots of ways to go from here. Question: do you dislike yourself less the same or more now than then?

I need to know this before more discussion, Jim.

[uh-oh]

Originally Posted by veritas

At first I was like ego. But then I see you had good insight in your conclusion. Dope. Lots of ways to go from here. Question: do you dislike yourself less the same or more now than then?

I need to know this before more discussion, Jim.

same amount

its not a thorough dislike. i understand why people would like me. im gorgeous, charismatic, and remarkably intelligent. i just don't like anyone. myself included. i try to lead a life where no one expects anything of me ever. the problem is that people enjoy my personage, which in turn leads to expectations of wanting to enjoy the company of said personage. which in turn leads to guilt when i ghost them.

but all of that was besides the point of the thread.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by uh-oh

same amount

its not a thorough dislike. i understand why people would like me. im gorgeous, charismatic, and remarkably intelligent. i just don't like anyone. myself included. i try to lead a life where no one expects anything of me ever. the problem is that people enjoy my personage, which in turn leads to expectations of wanting to enjoy the company of said personage. which in turn leads to guilt when i ghost them.

but all of that was besides the point of the thread.

What is the point of this thread? Because I feel like you might be contradicting yourself or using this as a clever ruse to ego. Unless I have mistaken?

[WRATH]

Originally Posted by uh-oh

same amount

its not a thorough dislike. i understand why people would like me. im gorgeous, charismatic, and remarkably intelligent. i just don't like anyone. myself included. i try to lead a life where no one expects anything of me ever. the problem is that people enjoy my personage, which in turn leads to expectations of wanting to enjoy the company of said personage. which in turn leads to guilt when i ghost them.

but all of that was besides the point of the thread.

#mood

People are fake. I feel that after a certain level of desensitization you are cancerous to the innocent so I feel guilty hanging out with people that are actually of pure heart. I've been working on it but idk I'll take some therapy too while you're at it V

[veritas]

Originally Posted by WRATH

#mood

People are fake. I feel that after a certain level of desensitization you are cancerous to the innocent so I feel guilty hanging out with people that are actually of pure heart. I've been working on it but idk I'll take some therapy too while you're at it V

Define pure heart?

[Immolate]

Originally Posted by uh-oh

im still the same piece of shit i just don't put myself in position to be a piece of shit anymore.

i realized this recently. prolly while doing hard time IN THE BING.

na but for real idk man. there was this kid i punched in the chest, he was a nice kid, i liked him. i was just so mad that day about w/e. anyway he comes the next day and is like 'hey immo wow man look at the mark you left' and lifts his shirt and it's just fuckin a big ass purple mark

man i wish i could find that kid and apologize. sure u can forgive yrself, if u can..but maybe its as much having the person you wronged forgive you

[dull boy]

Originally Posted by Immolate

i realized this recently. prolly while doing hard time IN THE BING.

na but for real idk man. there was this kid i punched in the chest, he was a nice kid, i liked him. i was just so mad that day about w/e. anyway he comes the next day and is like 'hey immo wow man look at the mark you left' and lifts his shirt and it's just fuckin a big ass purple mark

man i wish i could find that kid and apologize. sure u can forgive yrself, if u can..but maybe its as much having the person you wronged forgive you

lol

[Immolate]

Originally Posted by dull boy

lol

you boughta get punched in the chess boi and ya know im bout it ;)

[Ghost1]

Originally Posted by Immolate

you boughta get punched in the chess boi and ya know im bout it ;)

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Immolate

i realized this recently. prolly while doing hard time IN THE BING.

na but for real idk man. there was this kid i punched in the chest, he was a nice kid, i liked him. i was just so mad that day about w/e. anyway he comes the next day and is like 'hey immo wow man look at the mark you left' and lifts his shirt and it's just fuckin a big ass purple mark

man i wish i could find that kid and apologize. sure u can forgive yrself, if u can..but maybe its as much having the person you wronged forgive you

That last sentence is fair but can also be a trap. We cannot control if a person forgives us. We should however forgive those who wronged us whether they apologize or not, for our sake.

Good post. That kid you hit...do you consider him a weak person?

[Immolate]

Originally Posted by veritas

That last sentence is fair but can also be a trap. We cannot control if a person forgives us. We should however forgive those who wronged us whether they apologize or not, for our sake.

Good post. That kid you hit...do you consider him a weak person?

yes

[dull boy]

Imagine taking emotional counsel from online troll therapist.