My creation

Elemental P · 01-26-2018, 11:45 AM

People said the last piece was too short. This one has 10 verses but I'm only posting a few. I gave enough feedback for that.

+MY CREATION+

In the still of black, before light was present/ I filled the vast with sight and essence/ bound fields of grass, to the heights of heaven/ then sealed and masked the night with sketch's/ of constellations, lakes shimmered and reflected purity/ so nourished with the water serene / arose massive and great pillars of respected piety/ I flourish, holy martyr of dreams/ as twirling stars of immense proportions/soon galaxies swirling starts an intense contortion/ came hurling Sparks with intensive portions/ stemmed my early thoughts l intend to flourish/soon erratic gases fused and guised in nebulas/ schematic masses used the light that fed the love//

To my surprise there was mutiny/ until Christ arrived with scrutiny/ And the holy one had banished Satan/ in to hell where lowly slum and famine waited/ the steel I clasp was tight and heavy/ to till my acts with might that's steady/ they will feel my wrath and fight when ready/ cuz my skills with axe just smite the many/ these drones that hate are viewless fakes/ so I chose to make the human race/ as I molded clay while fusing fate/ so I'm holding brave to my newest faith/ the man devised became lonely thus/ I planned a wife for his only trust/ so the book I script of related themes/ made a plan, and took a rib and created Eve/ my servants told, not to eat from the ancient trees/ but soon a serpent Rose from the flagrant leaves/ with free will they have to choose right from wrong/ they have failed and soon to see how the night won't Dawn//

I wasn't born or raised on this Earth/ dazzling lights scorn arrays from my birth/ with a storm I tore away from the dirt/ before I even formed displays of my work/ I emanate life from one breath and levitate light/ as deep as the sun's depth when I meditate nights/ I arrived in excellents as I scribed in my sentences/ while I compose manuscripts give rise to my testaments/ finger tips sculpted the mountains from every breath I let loose/ inject fumes of nitrogen gases and hydrogen atoms that set plooms/ I spit on the ground until I parted and shook the sands/ til rivers formed from my saliva glands and over took the lands/ with movements so gracious I used the knowledge of ancients/and manipulated tree tops for a paint brush I used and painted/ my campaign invaded landscapes across where my hands laid/ making grand lakes I admired my work, that my brush and strands made/

Im the DNA composer of the strands and gears that's generally patterned/ that's so chemically crafted and genetically mastered/I checked my memory backwards solely for the tendency to craft words/the planets and matter of energy I intended to gather/I used to create this Celestial graph work soon in embedded in patterns/mix a better scheme that Cause stars to clash and crashed with/such Immaculate Fashions of actions friction caused fractions/to spark the visual vastness I encrypted so massive/I used the descriptions and status to mimic the gases/of the Big Bang to seal in the masses that depicted the madness/like critical matches to put together atmosphere and weather effects/I created the atlas with oceans of Tears you couldn't even measure the depths//

Elemental P · 01-29-2018, 03:42 AM

No feedback at all huh.....?
Uppin

Mr. J · 01-29-2018, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elemental P

No feedback at all huh.....?
Uppin

Gotta feed other pieces to get feed.

That's been the way of the forum for years.

Elemental P · 01-31-2018, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. J

Gotta feed other pieces to get feed.

That's been the way of the forum for years.

I been giving plenty of feedback actually.... Take a look around. I don't just say "yo nice drop pz!" If you haven't seen the fact I been giving then look closer

Lyriscologist · 01-29-2018, 07:21 PM

nice dude, the god pov was pretty dope.. well constructed with schemes and imagery, smoothe flow throughout.. solid bro

Sunny · 01-30-2018, 09:54 AM

Flow nicely done
Solo bars
Stroy went nice and smooth
You are one of the creative writer on here
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE MORE

Mr. J · 01-31-2018, 01:44 PM

If that's true then you should have gotten feed...right?

Elemental P · 01-31-2018, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. J

If that's true then you should have gotten feed...right?

Not necessarily true. I even gave feed to one of genocides tracks, activate self, Lyriscologist, and couple others. Do I need to start posting links next?

big baby · 01-31-2018, 05:42 PM

didn't like, sounded like you were trying to say things with bill nye the science guy swag. somethings were constructed okay, but ultimately it didn't pique interest. hanks for the read

Nick James · 01-31-2018, 06:08 PM

That first stanza culd also describe my penis

actually pretty accurate too. Good shit

Elemental P · 02-02-2018, 09:38 PM

Bill Nye is the homie, appreciate the props

01-26-2018, 11:45 AM	#1
Elemental P Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 856 Rep Power: 4507456	My creation People said the last piece was too short. This one has 10 verses but I'm only posting a few. I gave enough feedback for that. +MY CREATION+ In the still of black, before light was present/ I filled the vast with sight and essence/ bound fields of grass, to the heights of heaven/ then sealed and masked the night with sketch's/ of constellations, lakes shimmered and reflected purity/ so nourished with the water serene / arose massive and great pillars of respected piety/ I flourish, holy martyr of dreams/ as twirling stars of immense proportions/soon galaxies swirling starts an intense contortion/ came hurling Sparks with intensive portions/ stemmed my early thoughts l intend to flourish/soon erratic gases fused and guised in nebulas/ schematic masses used the light that fed the love// To my surprise there was mutiny/ until Christ arrived with scrutiny/ And the holy one had banished Satan/ in to hell where lowly slum and famine waited/ the steel I clasp was tight and heavy/ to till my acts with might that's steady/ they will feel my wrath and fight when ready/ cuz my skills with axe just smite the many/ these drones that hate are viewless fakes/ so I chose to make the human race/ as I molded clay while fusing fate/ so I'm holding brave to my newest faith/ the man devised became lonely thus/ I planned a wife for his only trust/ so the book I script of related themes/ made a plan, and took a rib and created Eve/ my servants told, not to eat from the ancient trees/ but soon a serpent Rose from the flagrant leaves/ with free will they have to choose right from wrong/ they have failed and soon to see how the night won't Dawn// I wasn't born or raised on this Earth/ dazzling lights scorn arrays from my birth/ with a storm I tore away from the dirt/ before I even formed displays of my work/ I emanate life from one breath and levitate light/ as deep as the sun's depth when I meditate nights/ I arrived in excellents as I scribed in my sentences/ while I compose manuscripts give rise to my testaments/ finger tips sculpted the mountains from every breath I let loose/ inject fumes of nitrogen gases and hydrogen atoms that set plooms/ I spit on the ground until I parted and shook the sands/ til rivers formed from my saliva glands and over took the lands/ with movements so gracious I used the knowledge of ancients/and manipulated tree tops for a paint brush I used and painted/ my campaign invaded landscapes across where my hands laid/ making grand lakes I admired my work, that my brush and strands made/ Im the DNA composer of the strands and gears that's generally patterned/ that's so chemically crafted and genetically mastered/I checked my memory backwards solely for the tendency to craft words/the planets and matter of energy I intended to gather/I used to create this Celestial graph work soon in embedded in patterns/mix a better scheme that Cause stars to clash and crashed with/such Immaculate Fashions of actions friction caused fractions/to spark the visual vastness I encrypted so massive/I used the descriptions and status to mimic the gases/of the Big Bang to seal in the masses that depicted the madness/like critical matches to put together atmosphere and weather effects/I created the atlas with oceans of Tears you couldn't even measure the depths//

01-31-2018, 01:44 PM	#7
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	If that's true then you should have gotten feed...right? __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

01-29-2018, 03:42 AM	#2
Elemental P Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 856 Rep Power: 4507456	No feedback at all huh.....? Uppin

01-29-2018, 07:21 PM	#5
Lyriscologist Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 101 Rep Power: 95181	nice dude, the god pov was pretty dope.. well constructed with schemes and imagery, smoothe flow throughout.. solid bro

01-30-2018, 09:54 AM	#6
Sunny Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 47 Rep Power: 0	Flow nicely done Solo bars Stroy went nice and smooth You are one of the creative writer on here I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEE MORE

01-31-2018, 06:08 PM	#10
Nick James death to amen Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 1,279 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 7423718	That first stanza culd also describe my penis actually pretty accurate too. Good shit

02-02-2018, 09:38 PM	#11
Elemental P Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2018 Posts: 856 Rep Power: 4507456	Bill Nye is the homie, appreciate the props