The Root

Alice White · 03-01-2016, 12:12 PM

I grew in this..
numerous true relicts
of futuristic moon-lit visions
my superstitious true religion
we're unisonous, in "collar" since rubik's, Cubes division
Elliot, Doom-a-witting, better yet, my pulse's shrinking
by every beat, 92 - tuning systems
just poured a smidgen, it ain't lucrative still I-see it boomeranging
first signs of lucid living when I heard Ludcaris sing
for the first time muting his shit..
Grae got me cocooning in it, yet
the youth'll listen to ambiguous rhythms
chalking out into muse-less lyrics, a students living
gradual euphoria - from nudes to nipples!
ugh, now my prudence kicks in!
minutes, but I'm too persistent
*sniffles* rudimental fictions -
- Stuart Little, whipping a group of kittens, grinning
been seeking juvenescence on through mural visions
I grew in this - a rooting image.

this was a quick key I did in the cypher, any feedback is appreciated ;)

Mr. J · 03-03-2016, 05:32 PM

I thought this was written quite well, the previous piece you took interest in was also a cypher piece.
Rarely do I find the time to sit & think properly the sporadic rhyming I feel...forms nicely.
I see that you are a fan of Jean Grae which may have influenced the style you brought together
the flow was smooth throughout and I really enjoyed the swift read as I was finishing up
its a refreshing vibe seeing your love for the genre, nice work here..keep writing

Alice White · 03-03-2016, 08:35 PM

thank you! Hah, it really seemed like that, but it was quite good for a key as I told you.
And yeah, I definitely enjoy Jean Grae's work, so there might be a slight influence there.

Witty · 03-05-2016, 08:03 PM

This was very good, you are a good writer...I enjoyed all of it, particularly the rubix cube part...interesting ideas, intelligent writing, and enjoyable flow. Good work.

Alice White · 03-05-2016, 08:25 PM

Thank you, I really appreciate it!
This was rather a practice for a consistent rhyme scheme, glad you liked it.

03-01-2016, 12:12 PM	#1
Alice White Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 72 Rep Power: 0	The Root I grew in this.. numerous true relicts of futuristic moon-lit visions my superstitious true religion we're unisonous, in "collar" since rubik's, Cubes division Elliot, Doom-a-witting, better yet, my pulse's shrinking by every beat, 92 - tuning systems just poured a smidgen, it ain't lucrative still I-see it boomeranging first signs of lucid living when I heard Ludcaris sing for the first time muting his shit.. Grae got me cocooning in it, yet the youth'll listen to ambiguous rhythms chalking out into muse-less lyrics, a students living gradual euphoria - from nudes to nipples! ugh, now my prudence kicks in! minutes, but I'm too persistent sniffles rudimental fictions - - Stuart Little, whipping a group of kittens, grinning been seeking juvenescence on through mural visions I grew in this - a rooting image. this was a quick key I did in the cypher, any feedback is appreciated ;) __________________ https://theprincesstroll.wordpress.com

03-03-2016, 05:32 PM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	I thought this was written quite well, the previous piece you took interest in was also a cypher piece. Rarely do I find the time to sit & think properly the sporadic rhyming I feel...forms nicely. I see that you are a fan of Jean Grae which may have influenced the style you brought together the flow was smooth throughout and I really enjoyed the swift read as I was finishing up its a refreshing vibe seeing your love for the genre, nice work here..keep writing __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

03-03-2016, 08:35 PM	#3
Alice White Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 72 Rep Power: 0	thank you! Hah, it really seemed like that, but it was quite good for a key as I told you. And yeah, I definitely enjoy Jean Grae's work, so there might be a slight influence there. __________________ https://theprincesstroll.wordpress.com

03-05-2016, 08:03 PM	#4
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	This was very good, you are a good writer...I enjoyed all of it, particularly the rubix cube part...interesting ideas, intelligent writing, and enjoyable flow. Good work. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

03-05-2016, 08:25 PM	#5
Alice White Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 72 Rep Power: 0	Thank you, I really appreciate it! This was rather a practice for a consistent rhyme scheme, glad you liked it. __________________ https://theprincesstroll.wordpress.com