Week 19: Ullr vs. Vulgar - (Vulgar wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 19

@Zen

Check ins: Thursday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

Check out the topic thread.

[Ullr]

The Garden of Part of Me

There grows within us a flourishing flow
undisturbed it slowly builds in all the words that we know
the masterful practice of vocabulary and sentence
or the act of imagining the hazardous gas of Saturn's defenses
Tabula Rasa as the mind is exposed,
an eye to the sky twisted atop a spine from the stone
one cries all alone misaligned in forebode,
the prying dying throes creep in behind all the moans
but wiry nodes link the eyes to the cones carrying traction
and sight derives what's been shone through those very actions
barium matchstick o' fire and splendor,
from a child to adulthood but none surviving the embers
but still we long to be strong while we silently venture
learning new skills as we stride and adventure
exploring the world and so too exploring ourselves.
It's slow, the careless might miss it
growing each day as we dare to strike quickest
training in pain so we can bear to fight sickness.
Muscles flex, tendons drive connections
the fingertips learn to grip and bend and pry protection
braving the cold, never terrified, we're restless!
The garden inside, the flowering plant
we race determined toward our towering plans
so the day that we fall we can be proud of our stance
and all we've achieved though now out of our hands.

[Vulgar]

The big fish ate the little fish...



Coast to coast across a varicose ocean
Knickerbockers hang off the edge of a steamboat
flirting with the plutocrat green water, soaked.
The man wearing them is a fork tongued badger
reddish in eye, sturdy in stature
A cigar lit; no put-out for his quartermasterly pride
educated in the halls of the Necronomicon
schooled in the choruses of the sirens in the Odyssey
he could drum his fingers in the Atlantic spore
sensing death at his fingertip's jolly probes
overtaking whalesong, fish carcass and marine life
A rare ability to understand subtle contingencies
in predator-prey webs that empower storm clouds
to hone in their strength on resting pelicans
on makeshift islands in the Bermudan metal flats
Huts, houses, cottages line a truffled sea
as if humans could inhabit coral reefs, advance them
to the surface in sudden progression of epoch
The seven seas of biology deserve a gold crest
tonal craniums shaved of their barbs, fitted
with dreadnaught domes, guided out into the night's tide
Nobleman's tactics for the swordfish plunge
into deep areas where Excalibur had no choice
but to be buried in forethought - sand - antibodies

[Adonis]

Why you never ask me for votes scrub? I'll edit it in right now


V - WTF man, that shit was just some really, really good writing right there. No going around it. The images you gave were a non stop flashing forward and moving on to the next, yet you weren't sporadic. It all had a sense of cohesion, all surrounding days of lore and this valiant man who studies it. You did make a quick switch somewhere and started talking more general, digging into the wrongs of humanity I gather using coral reef as nutty concept about growing up and still failing. You packed a ton of info into this verse nicely and tight, which I may appreciate more then the next guy. In any case though, this was written on less of a forum style and more of a published style which I appreciate greatly. There is nothing wrong with this read at all, deep thoughts using metaphor through imagery yet keeping it light enough to walk away not scratching my head, a perfect mix.

U - This too was a good read, but I have to be honest off the jump, not penned in the same vein as your counterpart, his is on another level of writing, some classical poetry work of art shit (IMO). I really enjoyed your verse about humanity. It read like you were explaining a birth, the cycles or stages human take as they progress, and in the end it's all about being proud of how you lived. This was a bit tough to follow however, I mean I feel like the direction wavered from time to time negatively effecting the execution which I thought you did ok with. I will say that while the end rhymes were good, the way wrote the sentences made it very bareable, not so predicatable or un-predictable, but more natural. I can tell you took your time with wording as to mask what can become stale and turning the rhyme into a positive instead of guiding your direction and allowing the rhymes to weigh the verse down until the sentences mean less. Hopefully that translates, makes sense to me.


V/Vulgar

This was a really good battle, one that I thoroughly enjoyed.


You can post shit in AOWL as you draw near the finals for extra votes if you wish.

even a link in the discussion might get you a hit or two

[UnbornBuddha]

Quick vote:

I got to say I enjoyed both reads and don't have time to explain each thoroughly. But, I will be honest and say Vulgar won this. He took me in a literary journey and wrote his best poem his entire season, ironically at the end. Ullr came with nice writing, but it wasn't as gripping as Vulgar's, it felt less inspired. Vulgar's imagery enticed me in such a way that left me bedazzled. It was like every word was placed right, and when that magical moment happens, its hard to best it.

Good match. A good verse vs. a phenomenal one.

Vote: Vulgar