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#1 |
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Join Date: Feb 2015
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[Split 8 & Zen]
I’d tell you the truth, but that seems like the waste of a good lie. So, I’ll tell you I’m amazing and everything is alright. I watched the sunshine and the wind blow and yeah, it’s just fine. It’s only when I write that I think I want to die. Me Me Me Me. NO, I’m fucking perfect. It’s everyone else that can’t help but be so motherfucking worthless. Mama always hated me and Lonnie said I deserved it. He told me I was sick and there was no way to cure it. (Because Obama went and took my insurance) Lonnie died when we were young. He ran in the road and was hit, dead. There’s nothing much else to say but I miss him. I used to jump without looking down to see how deep the hole was first. It’s only now that I’ve figured out that’s how the whole world works. I drink too much and I think just enough to keep from slipping into the fire. When I sleep, I never dream, and god damn I’m tired. But you know what they say, if you ain’t living, you ain’t dying, and if at first you don’t succeed, then, keep on trying. Positivity’s a bitch and she’s always smiling. No, I just want to complain. Because it would mean I’m the bad guy if I’ve got no one else to blame. You know what helps explain the thoughts that lead to these half lies? It's the "once" that I've all but eroded. the sometimes, that breaks through dull non-emotion. I wander all the where's I've gone. Start with every errant song that found its way in a playlist, and the statements that go with. Anthems for road trips, and the abandonment opens as sand to an ocean at the handsomest coast, with no glance of a ghost ship. Yet I'm saddled with guilt, for every survivor that'll never wash up ashore. That intangible close. Ever offering more. Every opportunity missed, calling as Im falling asleep. Salty and sweet, devouring sun & balmy seabreeze at the onset of thirst. These castles of silt could be our Troy. The prophecy's modern couture. Yeah, that’s something to strive for, I say I adore you. I only use you, You’re not the only one, so don’t think you’re special. You don’t get a medal. You’re just another god damn millennial. I’m only what I hate. No one knows what I think. Looking back now, when I was a child, I never thought, I just did. Then I made it to high school, and, I won’t lie to you, I only knew that I wasn’t a kid. Yeah, ain’t that some shit? Now my beard’s fading to grey and I look my age in the face. My back aches, and my bones hurt, and I’m gaining weight. My friends are gone and my girl keeps telling me to change, and my father’s dead, and my mother hasn’t talked to me to this day. No, they all are dead. I want to sink this ship and drink up the waves, and set fire to the Earth so God can see it from space. Without any seas, the tides would just pull on the dirt. The coals that have burned smolder, unstirred. And I know the inertia of loneliness works to slowly invert the old me, indolent, across a fulcrum of words. With no one pushing that swing, you learn to kick with your feet, but when you begin to succeed, you slip past the peak- Solitude's something to which I can adjust. Comfort aside. To lie is to trust, or protect, or whatever gets you to sleep. But I think that I'm done with that chapter of my life
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#2 | |
rockkFresh
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Chicago.
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This was alright. I don't know who wrote what but, the part that has like 2 bars in one line, just hitting enter would've made it easier to read. I had to maximize my browser to read this, Lol.
This part was pretty dope to me.. Quote:
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#3 |
native system
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 387
Battle Record: 18-21
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I’d tell you the truth, but that seems like the waste of a good lie.
I used to jump without looking down to see how deep the hole was first. It’s only now that I’ve figured out that’s how the whole world works. Start with every errant song that found its way in a playlist, and the statements that go with. Anthems for road trips, and the abandonment opens as sand to an ocean at the handsomest coast, with no glance of a ghost ship. Yet I'm saddled with guilt, for every survivor that'll never wash up ashore. You don’t get a medal. You’re just another god damn millennial. Looking back now, when I was a child, I never thought, I just did. Then I made it to high school, and, I won’t lie to you, I only knew that I wasn’t a kid. to slowly invert the old me, indolent, across a fulcrum of words. With no one pushing that swing, you learn to kick with your feet, but when you begin to succeed, you slip past the peak- Solitude's something to which I can adjust. Comfort aside. To lie is to trust, or protect, or whatever gets you to sleep. But I think that I'm done with that chapter of my life DOPE. But hey, I didn't like "dull non-emotion" nor the "Aint that some shit", and the setting fire to earth seemed a little too angry for the tone of the piece. Oktozen is a cool name. |
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#4 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
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The blending of both of your styles is quite the compliment
I believe the beginning was Zen, I have come to know this new format of his the introduction and the flow of each line brought a smooth opener for Split first you allow the reader to get engulfed into each and every line then you allow the build up to take on a different form the dialogue that Split adds brings a different perspective on the character at hand I feel that the consistency and the clashing of flows worked well here Split brought a more dynamic approach, as the character I feel as Zen played narrator..keep up the good work fella's you two have really made a piece worth reading, I'd quote.. but I don't want to get my assumptions wrong.. either way I enjoyed this fella's keep on writing, and I'll be around to peep it
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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#5 |
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,632
Battle Record: 3-5
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thanks guys. I owe you on some feed
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#6 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
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Me Me Me Me. NO, I’m fucking perfect. It’s everyone else that can’t help but be so motherfucking worthless.
I say I adore you. I only use you, You’re not the only one, so don’t think you’re special. You don’t get a medal. |
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