only heaven knows

[Eŋg]

the harder it's exposed, the harder to make true,
i'd rather just take two
moving through the oblongata to the navel:
that's a fucked up angle, like taking cuts from anvils,
*clink, clank* jump back,
remember the loving jangle of my mother’s bangles,
stuck in sandals;
never learned how to do up laces. grew up basic,
chewed up Asics, Pops, props: dude wasn’t faceless,
maybe just a fool, and ancient,
learnt the hues of a bruise in places
(still sometimes choose to taste it),
me i knew few faces, just knew the way which
was to pay my dues to be due a payslip,
accrued the patience, now move with sapience.
relaying wisdom and this verse ain't even written,
deconstruct the clock: you've a circadian rhythm,
disengage from the prison & find your way out the system.
take your time,
Time is bitten: consistent with these words and their mission,
you ain't the First, you a pilgrim,
fuck your purse and position!
understand it is written... you're; the words; all its fiction.
-- all the friction from the grind's quite worthless,
just to face-fuck anything that's divine: like earth is.
(mis)understand how blundered man is by times working,
timed work-slips, it's underhand... my spine diverges.
rhyme surgeon, a blind virgin took time learning
the eyes purpose obscures that which your mind searches.
whatever. doubt i'll ever know,
spit heat whatever the weather yo,
never let a beretta go,
yet better with clever flows
that'll end a pretender, no...
instead rock a headdress where holy feathers fold,
i wanna be about peace, or love. dead nouns
and Red Cloud(s) up where... only heaven knows.

[oats]

This was dope. Good rhythm and cadence here, very easy to follow the flow. Lots of standout lines, too. I particularly liked the do up laces scheme to due a pay slip, as well as the ending segment of "eyes purpose" till the end. Good shit man, I'll look out for more from you.

[CopyPat]

sup dude. this was cool. i liked it. you have some skills, there are alot of good things in this. but overall it felt a little choppy and scattered to me. just a bit raw if you know what i mean.. didn't feel overly well thought out or polished. Check out Genocides piece called it went where it went to see a really well constructed verse. Flow wize no complaints.. it wasn't perfect but it worked, the content just seemed a little all over the place. also the vocab was really basic man. not that every verse needs crazy vocab but it helps with ur scheming. for example i think all of ur actual rhymes were only 2 to 4 syllables... that shit is extremely easy man. check out dudes like Vulgar, Lars, Yoda you will see they rhyme sooo many more syllables/words than this and when its done right it comes off really impressively. Anyways dude. not hating on u, this i the first thing ive read from you, and i like ur potential so im just trying to give u real legit feedback that can hopefully help you. like i said i liked alot of this but if you were to concentrate a little more ona few things i think it could be way better. keep posting man. and read read read lots a different ppl in here, there are TONS of awesome writers in this section

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

this shit was nice as fuck,

i agree it did seem unpolished, but aint always a bad thing esp. when it just come off mad natural, plus when you got every other fuck nigga overpolishing there verses thinking that its an improvement - it made this verse just that bit tigher to me.

iunno, could just be tha mood im in, but i fucked with the undirected direction in this verse - without it just being some random bullshit.

take it how you want #1

[Eŋg]

I mean, I never count syllables, but if you do & want to make that 80% of your arbitrary (lol, vocabulary) feed, your math better be on point?!

Verse ain't even written/circadian rhythm... That's at least 6. No? *shrug*

Thanks to the other two, appreciate that. Will return those and definitely spew the first page or two with feed, sorry I don't get on much.

[Advocate]

For starters thanks for the feedback you gave me on my post.

But I like what you did here. You told a story and was able to be as creative as possible. For somebody that just threw somethin together, this looked pretty organize. I like how all of your punchlines were literally just that, a punch-line. You didn't use em a whole lot but when you did use em, you came strong. The flow was very good, so good that I could play almost any instrumental in my head and it would of still sounded the same to me, which is good. I love the illustration you use wit your words and the content was enjoyable to read. Keep em coming, I like what I'm seeing.

[Battle Hymns]

I like the way this was overall structured and the way you used it to bring out your content more.

Lines like: the harder it's exposed, the harder to make true,

and

learnt the hues of a bruise in places


The beginning lines start with a philosophical question which follows your stream of conscious as you explain your thoughts and how things can be rough because of those proverbial bruises that are imprinted onto your body which also leaves imprints on your mind.


i wanna be about peace, or love. dead nouns
and Red Cloud(s) up where... only heaven knows.


In the end... Heaven is a concept that is defined with great haste never truly knowing what it really is...

[Split]

the harder it's exposed, the harder to make true,

this is a good opener and in my opinion perfectly sets the tone and the mood of your verse...


(still sometimes choose to taste it),

interesting punctuation use... alwasy seen parentheses as a thing thats like a necessary afterthought to a detail.. here it seems more like a detail itself

me i knew few faces, just knew the way which
was to pay my dues to be due a payslip,
you ain't the First, you a pilgrim,
understand it is written... you're; the words; all its fiction.
-- all the friction from the grind's quite worthless,
just to face-fuck anything that's divine: like earth is.

this was your wheelhouse here, very impressive transitions and placement of internal rhymes

(mis)understand how blundered man is by times working,
timed work-slips, it's underhand... my spine diverges.

so, up until this bar, you were picking apart you and your relationship with time.. and the parentheses completely change whether or not he is actually tied to time, or merely believes he is... which is a quite clever observation, because no matter what he is tied to his perception

^which brings me to this:
moving through the oblongata to the navel:
that's a fucked up angle, like taking cuts from anvils,
*clink, clank* jump back,
remember the loving jangle of my mother’s bangles,

"clink clank" fits perfectly.... the way he recalls memories (nostalgia) makes him feel longing for the ringing of his moms earrings... but this sound, in a different light can easily become a ball and chain, something that tethers him to his past...

the eyes purpose obscures that which your mind searches.

thats an impactful line. if it was offhandly tossed in the piece, it'd be one thing, but it fits perfectly here like the kick of a key in a tumbler...

instead rock a headdress where holy feathers fold,
i wanna be about peace, or love. dead nouns
and Red Cloud(s) up where... only heaven knows

think you rhymed too loosely here

maybe i read too deep with that breakdown, but either way i can tell you constructed this nice


cool.. well, i liked the cadence a lot.. loose/ not wound mad tight so textheads will be forced to appreciate all the callbacks and multis.. but if any of those dudes read a piece like this out loud, they'd see the rhymes might not be perfectly accented- but it still transitions perfectly... some dudes will say that u gotta tighten up your flow and rhymes, but tbh i really enjoyed the freeform/ free-flowing style u got here

not to mention, it was a very thoughtful verse... didnt waste any words, very strong wordplay+ figurative language, a lot of standout phrases and you didnt cop-out on any rhymes. you use punctuation the right way, which is key imo.. almost remind me of Matriarch's style (who you should peep btw)

my advice is to occasionally line up your rhymes and just really execute them down to the syllable, cause while this piece worked with a lot of consonance/ assonance, a couple really strong bars make a verse feel tied together.

anyways. thought this was dope dude... dunno if you knew my alias from the old NCs or been reading the archives, but good to know youve read some of my stuff

keep keyin

[Eŋg]

interesting take, thanks, i'll get you back.

last bump, probably.

[Coup]

flow and structure was well crafted...strongest suit working for this drop. Props, lot's of experience coming into this I can straight way see.

A bit random without direction home in terms of concept, but hey man this read very nice and familiar for some reason. drop some more man, want to peep your work out.

[Eŋg]

I would, but I've really been struggling with prolifi***y for quite a while now. This is only the second or third verse i've managed to cough out this entire year, which hurts a bit, but it's relevant to where I'm at right now. Or something.

I've gotten you all back (Split, yours is in the bank) except Rugged because he refuses to tear up anything but the cypher. I think this will be the last bump.

Thanks for looking, even to those of you who didn't feed.

[EtH]

I didn't really feel that I was clicking with the storyline here. You touched on many different topics, and I found it a little bit difficult to follow what was going on. You started off with somewhat of a homelife and birth kind of idea, then we went on to your occupation, and we ended with a heaven reference. I was struggling to be able to follow the plot you were going with, which didn't allow me to get into it as much.

That being said, the writing style itself was dope as fuck. I found the rhyming to be brilliant, your vocabulary to have the perfect mixture of being advanced but not overdone, and it flowed perfectly throughout.

I think I could easily class one of your drops as one of my favourites, but for it to happen I'd have to be able to get into the story more which I was unable to do here.

None the less, awesome skills shown throughout. Keep writing.

[Rojo187]

that was hot...it felt like I can be spit out loud naturally and would sound good on any beat...You def kept ya content focused...

tough shyt...I dunno if you record but you write like you do or should...

[Vulgar]

Versatile shizzle, Eng.

me i knew few faces, just knew the way which
was to pay my dues to be due a payslip,
accrued the patience, now move with sapience.
^Fiya.

One can tell you write poetry while reading your work. To borrow a word from your arsenal, you treat your verbosity delicately while still maintaining a pronounced "street" vibe. It's a cross between a Shakespeare in training and a Lupe Fiasco-acolyte, and you put your own spin on each and every concept in different ways. You remind me of someone who has delved into Greek epics a lot, because your characters and personable elements strike me as being influenced by the mythological and the traditional. No doubt about it, Zabit Semedov may have beaten you in your last fight, but you are still going strong. I have faith in you, Badr.

Keep doing you

[Spoken]

I can honestly appreciate this eng. despite the hate you so called have for me for some reason.... I still don't understand it. Anyways, your punctuation shows great excellence and you shred it to be a almost such a mirror of a novelty blended with the nice bounce with your flow. It's entertaining and still consistent with knowledge and creativity. Showing off your wits with simplicity at times. Though your flow and content slated the verse I felt this was like an open general topic verse. It didn't exactly have an exact direction but it flexed off concerns from the mind of Mr. eng

I appreciate your work tho in all honestly... Clean cut