stuff.

[razor wayans damon blades]

@El Pancake wow nice piece, thanks for the inspiration!
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=48112



The amended pulpy orange bloom, where Asian Barbets tend to cloak
dynamic roar. Responsive ruse, dusk of afternoons emphatic oak
Organelles and fungi frolic. Specters gulch, rainbow angels dabbed in gold
watch the genus abound. hybridize the blended rifts. Mixed with coffee birch and lambent rogue

Much wiser now. Every moment I graze your shell
a taste of hell. It’s something, the reviving touch of your skin
Succumb to my grasp. Inclination. The ferver.
From cotton that kisses the cloth from your brim
that blows lush, verdant ineffable murmurs
that tell me they love me. its pink

the spirals we made, when wind wrapped around the curves we insisted.
A vortex of grass, etched into blades of this chlorophyll world where we drifted
revel in the retina of mother natures more sensible addiction.

I don’t want to get wise

I rather be young forever; sublime
Don’t forget us. But forget the incandescent white wine.
We’re stuck in a hourglass. Blind in the metronome
Picturing every last petal, to never wither away
Mobile for eternity. The only thing immobile is age

[PancakeBrah]

still needs more autism

[Fig]

Lame

[zygote]

This was very enjoyable and cool although it was perhaps a little bit inaccurate. The overall theme and language is there but not the style and aspects of writing tone. It still is pretty good on its own, but maybe it would have been better if it was just an extension rather than a full attempt to imitate.

A small comparison -

"The retouched fibrous glow where photoshopped ficus’ grow
vibrant and loud. You should see the light when it snows." - PB.
v
"The amended pulpy orange bloom, where Asian Barbets tend to cloak
dynamic roar. Responsive ruse, dusk of afternoons emphatic oak"

The first is written from a personal perspective (the word 'you'). The second is written from a largely descriptive perspective.

"This mitochondria lark. Pictured where fictional Chimeras roam
and phyla abound, mixing neon cloves of thyme with the rose.
Watch the fauna embark. " - PB
v
"Organelles and fungi frolic. Specters gulch, rainbow angels dabbed in gold
watch the genus abound. hybridize the blended rifts. Mixed with coffee birch and lambent rogue"

The thematic language is similar (like the parts about organelles and fungi) even the actual language is similar (the parts about 'mixing' in each) but again the mood is slightly different. Most writing has a certain kind of tone or stylistic maturity, a good way to quickly figure out how something is written is to only look at the adjectives. For english they go before the thing or place word so they are easy to spot. Just making a quick scan of all the adjectives can help identify what atmosphere the writer is trying to convey without even digesting or being influenced by any of the specific information. Only uploading this critique because you made a great effort with some excellent rhyming but perhaps seemed to miss some key aspects of tone in the reading of the original.

[razor wayans damon blades]

wow thanks so much guys!

[Mael]

lol..

The amended pulpy orange bloom, where Asian Barbets tend to cloak
dynamic roar. Responsive ruse, dusk of afternoons emphatic oak
Organelles and fungi frolic. Specters gulch, rainbow angels dabbed in gold
watch the genus abound. hybridize the blended rifts. Mixed with coffee birch and lambent rogue
Colorful opener to say the least. Great composure.
Much wiser now. Every moment I graze your shell
a taste of hell. It’s something, the reviving touch of your skin
Succumb to my grasp. Inclination. The ferver.
lol @ succumb to my grasp. What kind of grasp, though?
From cotton that kisses the cloth from your brim
that blows lush, verdant ineffable murmurs
that tell me they love me. its pink
Cool.
the spirals we made, when wind wrapped around the curves we insisted.
A vortex of grass, etched into blades of this chlorophyll world where we drifted
Dope.
revel in the retina of mother natures more sensible addiction.

I don’t want to get wise

I rather be young forever; sublime
Don’t forget us. But forget the incandescent white wine.
We’re stuck in a hourglass. Blind in the metronome
Yep.
Picturing every last petal, to never wither away
Mobile for eternity. The only thing immobile is age
Great ending.

You're funny and rhyme exceptionally. Keep being funny and rhyming exceptionally.

[Wise Wiggles]

I like the picture

And I like the words that were under it

*hits like button then clicks it again to unlike

[razor wayans damon blades]

haha cool =!

[Vulgar]

the spirals we made, when wind wrapped around the curves we insisted.
A vortex of grass, etched into blades of this chlorophyll world where we drifted
^Yum.