Week 3: Jesodist vs. Godcomplex (GODCOMPLEX WINS 6-1)

[asylum]

Season 6

Verses are due DAY 3/19 11:59 PST

Voting ends MONDAY 3/21 11:59 PST

RULE
Select your own image from the picture thread.
Line Minimum 16
Line Maximum 48


Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Indicate which picture from the picture thread you’re writing to when you drop your verse.

Good luck to both participants. @JESODIST (0-2) @Godcomplex (0-2)

[UnbornBuddha]

Fine art: The Aristocrat view

Exquisite, isn’t it? The intricate dissonance
That therein contains plagues of infinite sicknesses.
Just look at their desolate images. Depicted messages.
See the essence suggested by the littlest evidence
Those impressionists can’t witness from ignorance.
Do you see the insignificant specimen
Whose extinction is on the brink of prevalence?
It’s an indicative intelligence to question their relevance.
Feeding them death and decay as prerequisite regiment.
Spoonful medicine of poison, in return for employment.
They waste away for our enjoyment.

Religiously reading the bible as a cynic,
Finding God sponsors survival of the fittest.
But, we must critique, & not mindlessly listen.
Let the third eye open within
And let forth the tyrant from his prison.
Conceptualize life as a statistic
Heroes derive from the sadistic.
The classist plutocrat divide is just artistic
Like the golden ratio item from Da Vinci.
Instinctually primal,
Rejecting the other primates whose skin bleeds.
But, I don’t want them to down spiral too quickly,
I prefer seeing their bones and muscle fibers turn sickly
Slowly consuming them,
While I’m off buying the best whiskey.
Pristine and pure, that’s the Eugenic perspective.
Cleansing carnal sin off, that’s the genetic objective.
But, we must be selective, have mental prospective.
Aligning the heart with the finest of arts,
Committing genocide within law. Pseudoscience applause.
Killing you all off with a smile from afar.
Feeling desperate, the masses curl up in fear;
As everyone, they knew in the world disappears.

Aha ha ha ha.

[JESODIST]

HE IS

Trapped in the Form of Humanity,
His insides are Dark matter creating its Own Reality,
The Marvelous Phantom throwing Scandalous Tantrums from Miraculous Sanctums,
Bright moon feeds light to his fortress instead of Candles and Lanterns,
Forget everything he taught by sorcerers and slowly started to Dismantle the Patterns,
Emphatically guarding the tree of life firmly Planted in Taverns,
Telepathically communicating with spirits Stranded in Saturn,
He was Bound to a Chair for a Thousand Years,
With Battle wounds that stratch from the Mouth to the Ear with huge Cuts Everywhere,
Hell risen walking an Ominous trail after Denouncing all his Monsterous Peers,
Which caused in him an Insidious Ressurection, Encompassing evil to the Brink of Perfection,
Altering his molecular structure his arms become blades that Rip into Sections,
Any Victim that enters the cave where he Sits in Detention
Mind without a gaze in a Sinking Dimension,
Army of demons appear on his Hideous Complexion, Awaiting orders Too Hideous to Mention,
Science would consider him an Incredible Find, Feeding of his Indelible Mind,
which packs milleniums of wisdom after Repeating the Cycle of lifes Several Times,
But to no avail since his entire region is cemened and Confined in walls of Dark Gas,
He Unleashes legions of dementors from his Perfectly Alighnined Chakras,
The one responsible for all the Crop Circles,His skin is uncrushable and Dark Purple,
Whisper a Prayer to the Breeze before Entering the Layer of the Beast,
With Alien Feats sacrificing the pagans beneath until the spirit of Satan is Released.
Any form of negativity will make his power Blatantly Increase,
When the Father is Enraged Masses are Amazed at how much Darker is the Gaze,
His Hammers and Blades Splattering your Face as you pant and Stagger in the Maze,
Of his mind's deadly owned Helish abyss where the Martyrs are Encased,
Till their Rendered Waste thoughts and devilish deeds are Altered Ereased,
You're just a Rebel with a Gage Reveling in Plagues at the Very Base of the Devil's Cage,
He is an Infernal Mage Spawned from the Eternal Blaze someone you must Never Phaze,
A Calm and fly emcee with an Army that stretches as far as the Eyes can Sea,
Engaging in Wars Violently, Meditate on Stars Silently,
A Preacher of Dark Quotes with Creatures of all Sorts,
let me put this Really Clear a battle against him will Lead you no Where,
He's a Dark spectre that Live in your Fears got you Half severed and Bleeding in Tears,
whiplashing your gaze with a reflection of death in the glare of the Speeding Spears,
the big gashes he set will have your brain Dripping from Ears,
The Beast is Here be Really Prepare to be burried alive in the Pit of Despair,
back riddled with gashes from too much back packing the World on his Shoulders,
Born to Conquer He sits calmly over an Avalange of Boulders,
Preared for your Down Soldiers to be Crushed and Smoldered,
wondering deep in the enchanting forest roaming the nights are Colder,
denounced civilization and borders from here on the only way he Go is Further,

[Just Write]

But, I don’t want them to down spiral too quickly,
I prefer seeing their bones and muscle fibers turn sickly
Slowly consuming them,
While I’m off buying the best whiskey.
Pristine and pure, that’s the Eugenic perspective.
Cleansing carnal sin off, that’s the genetic objective.

you sick fuck... lol, nah but that part was nice, really your entire verse was great, i especially liked the menacing laugh at the end lol. this was a very thought provoking piece, though usually i dont like pieces that i have to read more than once, i was ok with this one, these lines pretty much sum it up

Spoonful medicine of poison, in return for employment.
They waste away for our enjoyment.

Religiously reading the bible as a cynic,
Finding God sponsors survival of the fittest.
But, we must critique, & not mindlessly listen.
Let the third eye open within
And let forth the tyrant from his prison.

very nice @GodComplex

the fuck did i just read jesodist? you need church bruh lol.
honestly this was probably better written than the first two verses i read from you even though i didnt enjoy the content much, and to be honest i have no clue what picture you wrote to which makes it very hard for me to see any relation to the pictures ( and yes i did check) this was my favorite part though

With Battle wounds that stratch from the Mouth to the Ear with huge Cuts Everywhere,
Hell risen walking an Ominous trail after Denouncing all his Monsterous Peers,
Which caused in him an Insidious Ressurection, Encompassing evil to the Brink of Perfection,
Altering his molecular structure his arms become blades that Rip into Sections,
Any Victim that enters the cave where he Sits in Detention
Mind without a gaze in a Sinking Dimension,
Army of demons appear on his Hideous Complexion, Awaiting orders Too Hideous to Mention,

ok so, im going to have to go with GC here because of the fact that 1 a just really enjoyed his verse, probably my favorite ive read this week, and 2 without you posting the pic you wrote about JES i couldnt really get into it, plus the content is a little too dark for me :( so with that being said, this week mvgt = Godcomplex

nice match guys

[JESODIST]

It was written to picture number 17, i don't agree with your vote

[Mr. J]

Buddha, it seems as though you took an alternative route
when I first started reading I wasn't concerned by what its about
your rhyming seemed to be your soul focus (like I wont notice)
after a second read I see your interpretation of your own opus..
this feels darker than a lot of your previous work, so devious....
It works! its just so different from your norm I couldn't believe it at first
I wouldn't have used enjoyment or the whole line at the end of the verse
(the opening) I would have used joyous makes more sense for what its worth
as we continue down through the second half you picked up speed
after Da Vinci I think it needs a face lift & it would be fixed up neat :)
the ending felt different as well but this is a completely different side to you
one that I may grow to like. this was cool & really nice.....its true...

JESO, I really enjoyed this because it made more sense this time around
you focused more on your foundation instead of getting your rhyming down
although the pic isnt here I am assuming you may have used the old man
a person who is tortured, going through the motions, confused by why his souls damned
at least thats what Im taking away from this, to be honest I didnt understand your whole plan
but the fact that you came through with more focus than usual
makes me admire the fact you showed & that is beautiful.

V/Buddha I feel like Buddha came through with a more deeper motive
his verse made sense & he had a better flow for all to notice...
Jeso neglected to bring a pic but I think I understood his path
but the fact his topic is missing well...that would really hold him back
Im glad to say this is one of the more enjoyable battles I wanted to see
it feels like a great rivalry that the league honestly needs...
in the end I feel Buddha took this with his topic & flow
v/Buddha thats just in case any of you wanted to know..

[asylum]

Unbornbuddha - OOOOOH, welcome back homie. This is the Buddha I remember bro! musta been the name change. I can already tell.. now let me finish reading! “critique” stuck out to me like a sore thumb. Idk why. Favorite bar..

Pristine and pure, that’s the Eugenic perspective.
Cleansing carnal sin off, that’s the genetic objective.

I envy your vocabulary. Seriously. Anyway, this is a piece about corporate agenda, to me. This bar sums your approach up.

Committing genocide within law. Pseudoscience applause.
Killing you all off with a smile from afar.

Definitely a great piece man. You did an excellent tongue in cheek job and examined real world issues. I truly enjoyed this piece, thank you. They really are trying to kill us off. I know. Great piece dude.

Jesodist - damn you can rhyme! Very sick. I like that second line,
His insides are Dark matter creating its Own Reality,
Pretty dope man. I think you could have cut out “and slowly started to” and just put a d on dismantle and that fifth line would’ve read much smoother. Watch your syllable count g, just say the verse out loud and count each syllable. If you start hitting 15, you might want to wrap it up. Because these long lines are really hard to get through man, no offense. I truly enjoy your style but sometimes less is more. I started figuring out which topic you were writing to here..

With Battle wounds that stretch from the Mouth to the Ear with huge Cuts Everywhere,

So I wasn’t really upset . dddaaaaammn you’re really goin in tho. Incredible find, indelible mind.. digging these rhymes tho. This was so ill too!

The one responsible for all the Crop Circles,His skin is uncrushable and Dark Purple,

Then here..

Whisper a Prayer to the Breeze before Entering the Layer of the Beast,
With Alien Feats sacrificing the pagans beneath until the spirit of Satan is Released.

So sick. So, so sick. I love this demonic rap shit its ill tho. But in all reality, near the end it needed to switch it up a little. Perhaps some character resolution, allowing him to be freed. Either way this was a dope drop and I really appreciate it bro. It obviously took a lot of work.

MVGT unbornbuddha this week because his piece was more complete as a whole. In all reality, I did enjoy a couple parts of jesodist’s drop more than buddha’s, but buddha’s piece in its entirety was a fully developed masterpiece with an excellent intro body and conclusion.

[Pinot Grij]

Buddha

Yo, that opening stanza is on point. The voice sounds like a smarmy prick who revels in the suffernig of others. It was worded correctly.

2nd stanza has taken a strange turn - I wanted more of what you offered in the 1st stanza, but it's become far more cryptic and opaque. I had to re-read it to pick up the direction you were headed in... as though this villainous character is watching people suffer because of a twisted interpretation of humanity.

But, I don’t want them to down spiral too quickly,
I prefer seeing their bones and muscle fibers turn sickly
^^Turns back in the right direction here.

Committing genocide within law. Pseudoscience applause.
^^ that's the dopest line of the verse for sure

Yo, so I'm feeling this verse, I thought it was pretty cool...

JESODIST

Trapped in the Form of Humanity,
His insides are Dark matter creating its Own Reality,
holy fuck, bro. that's a dope line.

My honest thoughts are that this became incredibly wordy after this opening couplet. I think if you dialed it back a bit - then your story could have shone through a bit better.

Altering his molecular structure his arms become blades that Rip into Sections,
Any Victim that enters the cave where he Sits in Detention
Mind without a gaze in a Sinking Dimension,
Army of demons appear on his Hideous Complexion, Awaiting orders Too Hideous to Mention,

^^^ that's pretty dope.

As I'm reading, I'm really disappointed by the amount of spelling and grammatical mistakes that pull me out of the verse.


The one responsible for all the Crop Circles,His skin is uncrushable and Dark Purple,
Whisper a Prayer to the Breeze before Entering the Layer of the Beast,
With Alien Feats sacrificing the pagans beneath until the spirit of Satan is Released.

^^^that's dope.

Any form of negativity will make his power Blatantly Increase,

these types of rhymes kill me. Blatantly is not an appropriate adverb here, imo - but it fits your scheme so you add it. that pulls me out of the verse.

Altered Ereased,

see what I mean about the mistakes? it's mad distracting

A Calm and fly emcee with an Army that stretches as far as the Eyes can Sea,

wtf?? this guy is a rapper???? I thought he was some hell demon!

Yo Jesodist - you poured a lot into this verse. I appreciate the effort and description that went into it. But it felt waaaaay waaaaaay too long. It feels like you wrote 50 lines describing how powerful this guy is. That's a cool exercise on a smaller scale, but I need more to keep me engaged than just your rhyming ability. While I did enjoy some of your constructions, I was constantly drawn away from the piece due to your writing errors. So your mechanics should've carried a verse that became boring and predictable, but even the mechanics had issues. I think in a scaled back version with some kind of story twist, you would have a really cool piece here.

Vote -- UnbornBuddha

[symetrik]

drunk. short votes for all.

unbornbuddha

flow

Exquisite, isn’t it? The intricate dissonance
That therein contains plagues of infinite sicknesses.

… that’s the genetic objective
But, we must be selective, have mental prospective.

no

Aligning the heart with the finest of arts,
Committing genocide within law. Pseudoscience applause.
Killing you all off with a smile from afar.
Feeling desperate, the masses curl up in fear;

all in all, a good read. started off rather strong and got more and more choppy as I went.


jesodist

flow

He was Bound to a Chair for a Thousand Years,
With Battle wounds that stretch from the Mouth to the Ear…

… his arms become blades that Rip into Sections,
Any Victim that enters the cave where he Sits in Detention

no

The Marvelous Phantom throwing Scandalous Tantrums from Miraculous Sanctums,
Bright moon feeds light to his fortress instead of Candles and Lanterns,

cemened

you had a few really nice, flowing parts of this but the overall amount of forced rhymes and not-quite-there slant rhymes really threw a lot of it off for me.

mvgt @UnbornBuddha

[Frank]

Unborn Buddah...
You have an advanced generic style. You write generically so specifically. Doesn't matter what the topic is, the content doesn't differentiate much from one piece to the next. You have a limited scope and a broad vision. Meaning you have the third eye, but it's narrowly fixated. Your writing suffers from inflexibility. You need to work on writing less ambiguously and practice on embodiment of full on topic immersion. I find you super dope, superficially speaking. You've adapted to my rendition, and your momentum is improving as well as your pitch perfect syllable placement. I would like to see you stray from your comfort zone and individualize your efforts more. I know you were mimicking Jesodist, but you have similar styles, so the uncanny style play isn't so noticeable. Solid, but uninspired. Suggest topics and pictures, because I would be interested in seeing if the topics and pictures suggested, suggest you are too enveloped in a certain theme, and that perhaps you need to be tested with more diverse topics that require a less all encompassing approach. Your writing will always stand out as academic, but in order to truly transcend to the next level of topical writing you should become more versatile.

Jesodist...
Heavy shit. Writing is supremely savage to me. It screams torment and destruction. Just vintage carnage. Your writers voice is slowly becoming top 10 distinctive on Netcees. Unduplicatable. Originally dated. Fresh in the sense: NOBODY writes like this anymore. It's EZ board OG-like. Circa AOL Chatroom. It's like you time traveled into this futuristic league from the olden days, and your finding out your style is no longer what's in. Back in the day this style was considered the standard. Lots of quotables in this. It was difficult to trudge through in a grueling manner. Content was heavy. I think people are too caught up in capitalization, and let that dictate their votes too heavily. I will say this, you don't seem to have a true template for your capitals. They are all over the place, which suggests to the reader that you are not in control of a style that is already distracting enough. If you went back and tactically capitalized letters with clearer intention this piece would've read cleaner. Beginning sentences with non capital letters here and there, then capitalizing non rhymes and ends of the schemes, there has to be more method to the madness. Coherency in the chaos.

This was close because Unbornbuddah came much more polished. But content wise, aside from the visual blunder, Jesodist over powered UnbornBuddah. His writing also accurately embodied the picture more satisfyingly.

MVGT Jesodist

[breathless]

Mvgt Buddha

Buddha, that whole first bit where you were twisting the "iminent/eminent" scheme with almost a jazz style arraignment was great, just enough lyrical prowess but pulled off smoothly where it didn't seem forced and I could easily catch the flow and meaning on first read. I also enjoyed the sick take you took on the picture, rather than going for the dark and drab you almost turned the evil into a happy feeling.

Jes - honestly, had you not used such a huge block of "tion" rhymes, you probably would've got my vote, but it just took me out of the scene every time I read it. You had some really killer unorthodox multis, but there seemed almost forced, there just wasn't a definitive flow I could pick up throughout,