Brahmavihara

Vulgar · 09-24-2014, 11:28 PM

B

Frank · 09-25-2014, 12:30 AM

Hows school?

Vulgar · 09-25-2014, 01:23 AM

I'm learning and seeking more than just knowledge.

Frank · 09-25-2014, 01:26 AM

Pussy presumably

Vulgar · 09-25-2014, 01:27 AM

*whisper*

Kin · 09-25-2014, 07:41 AM

Who are we? A mere gaggle of compassionate stragglers
May we crash on the road to monotony, rattle the passengers
-Nice wording

then notice you’ve been ordained with a Fijian boat
and a secret cove to sleep in and roam
-imagery here

I look at success as though it’s never in reach
with a cool focus that’d bring steadiness to hysterical speech
-Whoa

diggin' this piece....kinda had a Mos def/Common style to me...smooth wording...wish the ending stood out a lil' more...but still dope drop

ay' why don't you post anything you be doin' on ya soundcloud page??
I think thats you I see postin up those freestyles??

HoLLa

Zen · 09-25-2014, 03:40 PM

I agree with Kin about this having a similar vibe to Common. The writing in this was a bit different than I'm used to from you, but this was still very good. The lines Kin quoted were good, but I really liked this section the most:

as we learn to be students of life and its beauty
Then we can grasp survival - why we fight for it, truly
as we learn to be students of life and its beauty
Then we can bask in recitals - as disciples of unity

Very good writing. No real critique here. Good stuff.

Da BattleMasta Patrick · 09-25-2014, 07:48 PM

Man I GOT A increase my skill. This shit is smart man. I fuck wit it.

I gave you reputation for this 2

KOSMOSIS · 09-25-2014, 07:55 PM

Who are we? A mere gaggle of compassionate stragglers
May we crash on the road to monotony, rattle the passengers

Excellent. Rep.

AndyHiro · 09-28-2014, 06:47 AM

Really dope. I like the positive vibes in the first two parts which is real refreshing from most of the depressing shit that is on here. I generally am not into pieces with these types of schemes because I have an attention span of a six year old and I abhor looking things up in the dictionary, I feel like it's giving up you know what I mean bro.

But you managed to keep my attention all the way through the end so that is real impressive.

However the ending line for me doesn't feel like it fits at all. It's almost like you decided to just phone that shit in for the last line after three verses of consistent illness

"is love crafted from wood, granite, sand or a brick
can it be foreclosed on and turned into an abandoned abyss?

uh....um... fuck it...or are my pantz in a twist lulz"

But whatever its still very dope. It made my wiener hard.

09-24-2014, 11:28 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Brahmavihara B Last edited by Vulgar; 12-06-2021 at 10:45 AM.

09-25-2014, 12:30 AM	#2
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Hows school? __________________ *VETWORK*

09-25-2014, 01:26 AM	#4
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Pussy presumably __________________ *VETWORK*

09-25-2014, 01:23 AM	#3
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	I'm learning and seeking more than just knowledge.

09-25-2014, 01:27 AM	#5
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	whisper

09-25-2014, 07:41 AM	#6
Kin Kill.It.Nonstop Join Date: Jun 2014 Posts: 666 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 662201	Who are we? A mere gaggle of compassionate stragglers May we crash on the road to monotony, rattle the passengers -Nice wording then notice you’ve been ordained with a Fijian boat and a secret cove to sleep in and roam -imagery here I look at success as though it’s never in reach with a cool focus that’d bring steadiness to hysterical speech -Whoa diggin' this piece....kinda had a Mos def/Common style to me...smooth wording...wish the ending stood out a lil' more...but still dope drop ay' why don't you post anything you be doin' on ya soundcloud page?? I think thats you I see postin up those freestyles?? HoLLa

09-25-2014, 03:40 PM	#7
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	I agree with Kin about this having a similar vibe to Common. The writing in this was a bit different than I'm used to from you, but this was still very good. The lines Kin quoted were good, but I really liked this section the most: as we learn to be students of life and its beauty Then we can grasp survival - why we fight for it, truly as we learn to be students of life and its beauty Then we can bask in recitals - as disciples of unity Very good writing. No real critique here. Good stuff.

09-25-2014, 07:48 PM	#8
Da BattleMasta Patrick Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 275 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 0	Man I GOT A increase my skill. This shit is smart man. I fuck wit it. I gave you reputation for this 2

09-25-2014, 07:55 PM	#9
KOSMOSIS Banned Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 27 Rep Power: 0	Who are we? A mere gaggle of compassionate stragglers May we crash on the road to monotony, rattle the passengers Excellent. Rep.

09-28-2014, 06:47 AM	#10
AndyHiro Yeah Im kinda like that Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 107 Rep Power: 0	Really dope. I like the positive vibes in the first two parts which is real refreshing from most of the depressing shit that is on here. I generally am not into pieces with these types of schemes because I have an attention span of a six year old and I abhor looking things up in the dictionary, I feel like it's giving up you know what I mean bro. But you managed to keep my attention all the way through the end so that is real impressive. However the ending line for me doesn't feel like it fits at all. It's almost like you decided to just phone that shit in for the last line after three verses of consistent illness "is love crafted from wood, granite, sand or a brick can it be foreclosed on and turned into an abandoned abyss? uh....um... fuck it...or are my pantz in a twist lulz" But whatever its still very dope. It made my wiener hard.