Round 2: PancakeBrah vs. Pryde {PancakeBrah wins}

[God Of War]

This Round Consists Of your ability to write stories.
Stories have been a part of hip hop and writing since time began
your goal? out write your opponent!


max lines =30
CHECK INS DUE BY SATURDAY
VERSES DUE -aug 5th

[PancakeBrah]

Check. Going the max.

[Greed]

Yeah

[PancakeBrah]

He loved that bench. Right next to the ferris wheel.

He wore a big coat, leather hung at his knees,
in Summer time, with a sweater tucked underneath.
At Coney Island, plucking his teeth and sucking a lime.
A former veteran, sunk in his seat. "What a wonderful time."
he said to himself to the ire of passerby's,
but with the sun at it's peak he never grew tired of batted eyes,
"I've seen your type a hundred times," he laughed and sighed.
He wore boots strapped and tied, both marked
with white graffiti of his own pen and type of thought,
next to a guitar case, with a Stratocaster, wires taught,
and one bottle of gin from his own private stock.
It was Hendricks, he preferred the bottle's aesthetics,
and it's produced mental fog begetted a loss of all he regretted.
Today he kept the cap virgin, unbroken and fine,
because nowadays fair goers never provoke enough for his mind.
There was a forgone time he'd drink, strumming a string,
every visit, and even to skeptics it was something to see.
He preferred Hendrix. Not for the flash, but the meaning,
the soul and the skill, spoke to his inside's caterwaul screaming.
Making close to fifty dollars a day, he was fine and carefree,
on a bench with a six string, carrying melodies,
with no problem searching a barren well to find canaries.
But now he mostly sits, with a greying beard of homely wisps.
Sixty years of life will make motion quit, and his bones are stiff.
"This night is setting slow." The bench's birch agrees,
"I should be heading home." To theses new strangers,
these are just senseless words to heed.
But it's their loss, to be the cause of a dream's end.
Honestly they don't deserve to see the way he makes strings bend.

@Pryde

[Greed]

My story is of knights warring and i been known to schock like chlorine
The lights lowering and I zone out from night until morning
Living life, in mourning and when I can't get right, morphine
Guess not everybody can heal..... quite like wolverine
Type to go for dreams, painkillers for plain killers
Apathetic, purposely submit verses with straight fillers
Smoke bud, hate miller, preserved my name and engrave pillars
A story needs a narrator and to make cake it takes mixture
The lessons I've learned is affecting my nerves, it saddens me
Everybodys secret agenda got me not wanting to pass the weed
Don't nobody really want it with gawd, shit is blasphemy
..... And I ain't fucking with no bitch...... that'd flatten me
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, word is bond
Aside from money and pride a woman be the cause of a murder song
As I purge the bong I hear shots, I prefer I'm wrong
This dirty blonde want the d but does she deserve the long...
Conversation that would lead me to remove her thong
Who am I fooling dog for real if make a move its on
She can see it ain't no regular shit, she knew its bomb
She swallow dick, surfer chick like, dude its gone
Living check to check, making check ins and playing checkers
Checking out bad bitches, and if she get out of line ima check her
Over there staring at me till they neck hurt, anxiously awaiting the next verse
Get that pussy when I want, I aint flexing on these bitches till my pecks hurt
It gets worse, cause freedom really is free, at its core
How can you not know what everybody wants, that is more
To go any deeper then that would actually be a chore
Mastery of focus, happens when you after pussy room and board
As i see it they just want the wood, so I let em walk the plank when I'm bored
Fuck it Im already living the life of a pirate sailing intoxicated shore to shore

[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle.

pancake - nice verse. very good story. ive been to coney island plenty times and have seen the street performers and ive always wondered what their life is like tbh. you described it pretty well here. was it a story in the classic sense? with an introduction, conflict, resolution. no. but it was the story of a man. the story of a human being and his thoughts and complexities. it told the story of his day and had good emotion. I also enjoyed the structure. good stuff. .

pryde - you seemed to to write a flex piece about yourself I assume. their was really no storytelling happening here at all tbh. it all felt very filler-ish. you went more swag and flow than anything else.

vote- cakester

[Certain]

PancakeBrah: I am a sucker for the fine details in storytelling. You completely captured this man's essence with this verse. At first I was going to say it was a straight character sketch, but it follows the storytelling requirement because you embedded that character sketch in a description of the man's day. The details made him extremely vivid, largely because they were both specific and unique. These weren't beatnick clichés, which would have been so easy to lapse into. Your rhymes and flow were strong all the way through, but that felt secondary. I was expecting you to write the man to his death at the end of the verse, but was pleasantly surprised you avoid that. The lack of action might cost you a reader or two, but you created something genuine.

Pryde: Well, I guess there was a story in the middle of all the swagger. But mostly this verse was swagger, and in a round specifically tailored to storytelling, that's not a good look. It doesn't help that the verse was sloppy and weak. The flow bounced around a lot, and there weren't many standout lines. I guess I saw what you did with the line with all the "check" uses, but it wasn't particularly clever. Stories require some patience, and it's fine that you seemed to have written this quickly, but you were facing a great story.

Vote: PancakeBrah

[Pinot Grij]

Pancake's style is unmatched here. The way he takes simples characters and fills them up with details slowly.. hits me every time. Loved this character and the details put in to make him so much more than the words even express. The ending was perfect - so solid.

Pryde... you wrote a story about yourself. It's all good man, just came off a bit too much like typical rap bravado. Didnt' connect with me in a storytelling sense, but you have nice scheme capabilities.

Vote for Pancake

[SiK]

On phone sorry

Cake... definitely felt the imagery here. You took an interesting route. I could actually picture myself on a boardwalk tho lke jersey shore. Good story bro. Details are key imo and you executed

Pryde...Not realy feelsing writing about yourself for a story peice unless its some obviously ficticious out of body type peice. This was more flexing I guess?. Not bad content at all but I dont think it fits the requirments.


V/Cake

[Geno]

dope battle here

pryde surprised me tbh. had some nie shit. just got outdone by pancake here though. cake has some dope talent when he drops and this piece was excellent in comparison to pryde this week. so sory for weak breakdowns/votes. been recording all night, tired

v=cake