This is Why We Don't Club together

AndyHiro · 10-01-2014, 02:22 PM

"Shit is bout to hit the fan! Get the hazard suit and rubber mask.
Ebola has evolved in labs now acts as if nauseous gas."
--- But don't Obamacare like cover that?
No really I don't know that shit. I rarely follow politics.
Not sure at all how bad it is but I'm partying like it's apocalpyse.
Plus watched a few Nostrodomus clips with this naughty chick with knobby nips.
Didn't pay attention to that shit much that slutty bitch had slobbery lips.
"The economy is bout to slip! Dollar bill is bout to crash!"
Whatever man I prepped for that, put all I have saved in hash
in paper bags and cases of spiced rum drinks in place of cash.
So no worries on inflation man, on a one way ride to gravy train.
We be going places man, like flying high on spaceships fam.
"Crisis on the desert sands! Isis there they taking heads!"
Damn your such downer Deb. All these ways to drown my trips.
Your the worst wingman I've had, knew I should have just stayed in bed.

Listen · 10-02-2014, 10:37 AM

Hey Andy,

Almost like your other drop that I read... You have bloody mad concepts... I just wish you would stick with them. Reading your pieces is almost like a continuous "TO BE CONTINUED".

Let me give you some examples:

--- But don't Obamacare like cover that?
No really I don't know that shit. I rarely follow politics.

You followed that up with -

Not sure at all how bad it is but I'm partying like it's apocalypse.

^ That was your opportunity to REALLY deliver something! You could have even kept the humorous theme you were going with. "But don't obamacare LIKE cover that?" < I was laughing here... and then you left me wanting more... and didn't really take me home.

I would love to see you write a piece, with one topic in mind, with every line being a continuation from the previous one... Just so you can see the essence of proper transition. I think it would take you a world of a level above your current one.

You have some witty concepts, and a workable writing structure... Continuation and transitional bridges is what I would work on.

Keep writing mate and I will keep reading.

10-01-2014, 02:22 PM	#1
AndyHiro Yeah Im kinda like that Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 107 Rep Power: 0	This is Why We Don't Club together "Shit is bout to hit the fan! Get the hazard suit and rubber mask. Ebola has evolved in labs now acts as if nauseous gas." --- But don't Obamacare like cover that? No really I don't know that shit. I rarely follow politics. Not sure at all how bad it is but I'm partying like it's apocalpyse. Plus watched a few Nostrodomus clips with this naughty chick with knobby nips. Didn't pay attention to that shit much that slutty bitch had slobbery lips. "The economy is bout to slip! Dollar bill is bout to crash!" Whatever man I prepped for that, put all I have saved in hash in paper bags and cases of spiced rum drinks in place of cash. So no worries on inflation man, on a one way ride to gravy train. We be going places man, like flying high on spaceships fam. "Crisis on the desert sands! Isis there they taking heads!" Damn your such downer Deb. All these ways to drown my trips. Your the worst wingman I've had, knew I should have just stayed in bed.

10-02-2014, 10:37 AM	#2
Listen Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 41 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 3760711	Hey Andy, Almost like your other drop that I read... You have bloody mad concepts... I just wish you would stick with them. Reading your pieces is almost like a continuous "TO BE CONTINUED". Let me give you some examples: --- But don't Obamacare like cover that? No really I don't know that shit. I rarely follow politics. You followed that up with - Not sure at all how bad it is but I'm partying like it's apocalypse. ^ That was your opportunity to REALLY deliver something! You could have even kept the humorous theme you were going with. "But don't obamacare LIKE cover that?" < I was laughing here... and then you left me wanting more... and didn't really take me home. I would love to see you write a piece, with one topic in mind, with every line being a continuation from the previous one... Just so you can see the essence of proper transition. I think it would take you a world of a level above your current one. You have some witty concepts, and a workable writing structure... Continuation and transitional bridges is what I would work on. Keep writing mate and I will keep reading.