A Stitch In Time

[Soulstice]

At this point the ancient terminus is rusted and worn
Where conductors have ushered hundreds of bustling hordes
Running, feet stomping like thunderous storms, people hustle aboard
So packed you couldn't bring another speck of dust on the tour
But there's nothing - just you and yourself at Station One
& the sky's sallow glow as shadows grow beneath the fading sun
Your face is numb, & your mind, you're powerless to control
Focused on the billowing smoke and the towering commodes
It's souring your soul, you've only heard stories and seen relatives
That return, and seem as they've been treated with dream desiccants
You breath, negligent to the bells and the large light approaching
The silhouette on horizon reminds you how hard life is becoming
The desolate silence is numbing, you retreat deeper in thought
Uncontrollably sink into a dreamscape until your hopelessly lost

This is the place, you remember it, it's perpetual excellence
Only this time this place is even more dressed up in decadence
So special, the scent of it, the smiling faces and shining sun
You'll see every single tooth before the time is done
The vibrant sun, the arctic chill, whichever you recall is stronger
You take a seat to stay, stay just a little while longer
Denial conjures strange illusions, the clocks have frozen in place
You'll stay forever in this apartment or this rosy estate
Worries floating away, and one last time a toast to freedom
Your senses dull and then you laugh as if you're s'posed to need em
Perfect hues in glowing sequence, in a dress she flips her hair
It was always your favorite color, that sexy, golden mare
Over there, the perfect place - you'll bring it with you 'till your dead
And then a bell, and then a whistle, and SMASH you've hit your head

Dizzy and jolted back to the present, a disasters presented
In passive aggressive....
Daydreaming, forgetting you've hopped in your cab
That's bringing you somewhere impossibly fast
You glance at the window - totally unseemly and strange
Did you miss your stop? While you were daydreaming away?

[Vulgar]

Writing about casual events that hold such nostalgic tenderness for some is hard to accomplish, let alone attempt, because there are so many things in life like this to choose from. Why be extravagantly descriptive and butcher the topic while you neglect other areas like emotion that can be much more rewarding for a reader's perceptional gain? That's what this verse felt like to me: an experience translated into an accessible palate. Could've been the fact that I've read a lot of Pent Up verses, but the way you ended it with those last 3 bars reminded me of his closures. The shorter flow, the trailing question, the climax without a climax. The rainy train station during periwinkle dawn.

That's all I've got for now for reflection.

"At this point the ancient terminus is rusted and worn
Where conductors have ushered hundreds of bustling hordes
Running, feet stomping like thunderous storms, people hustle aboard
So packed you couldn't bring another speck of dust on the tour
But there's nothing - just you and yourself at Station One
& the sky's sallow glow as shadows grow beneath the fading sun
Your face is numb, & your mind, you're powerless to control
Focused on the billowing smoke and the towering commodes
It's souring your soul, you've only heard stories and seen relatives
That return, and seem as they've been treated with dream desiccants
You breath, negligent to the bells and the large light approaching
The silhouette on horizon reminds you how hard life is becoming
The desolate silence is numbing, you retreat deeper in thought
Uncontrollably sink into a dreamscape until your hopelessly lost"
^Strong opening!

Keep doing you

[zygote]

It is very enjoyable to read big descriptions of the mundane. Something about that contrast between intricate details and minutiae is appealing. Also, the short compressed time of the story was great it meshed well with the moment-moment descriptions.