burnt honey

dyedinthewool · 04-10-2014, 12:27 AM

Burnt honey and clove
I rustle the sheets in these curls, tangled
Loving love habitually silent
Like it’s never failed me.

Emerging from a past eroded
I ascend, beyond the clouds, beyond the fog
Amidst the dew
With a catheter bathed in a bourbon stew
Finding that stupors and memories in reveries
Are both helpless and beyond repair.

But I still have days filled with buoyancy
Even as I struggle to swim
I harbor all of my storms.
Only to reincarnate in the morning
Like a daisy in a junk yard,
Adversity in the bones
And light in my lungs.

The water comes and goes
Remnants on pillows and sleeves,
Bits and pieces I leave behind till the next meet.

Burnt honey and clove
My clavicle submerged in this musk that seeps, blue.
Embalmed in cucumber, I live vicariously through motley smiles.
That is how I will forever live in your heart.
With stained cheeks and a morose stare
I’ve only dared for something beautiful.

While seasons past evoke
Like pine and country oak
Nostalgia by the haystack
I miss you more than I do the snow,
And you are welcome like the pollen.

Like a moment of weakness
A vulnerable state
I’ll always come back because I’ve learned to love the taste.

e11even · 04-10-2014, 04:19 AM

This had a very calming feel to it. I loved your choices in wording and language, as the abstract subtlety built very poetic and interesting imagery. Fully rhyming this piece would have been the icing on the cake, but i think i see what you were doing here. This is technically my first time reading you, seeing as how for some reason I never finished reading the other stuff you dropped in the league, but I think your style is very interesting, and over time can be a serious spectacle in OM. Keep it up :)

Adonis · 04-11-2014, 01:43 AM

Enjoyed
6 out of 7.9

.

Like a moment of weakness
A vulnerable state
I’ll always come back because I’ve learned to love the taste.

.

Raw emotion at its peak.
Thought you spoke about writing in rhyme in general. You enjoy it,yet miss it and return often in a decade.
I have read linear thought before, Entire verse was as such.
Quoted area is strong .

Exis · 04-11-2014, 09:58 AM

The water comes and goes
Remnants on pillows and sleeves,
Bits and pieces I leave behind till the next meet.

While seasons past evoke
Like pine and country oak
Nostalgia by the haystack
I miss you more than I do the snow,

Like a moment of weakness
A vulnerable state
I’ll always come back because I’ve learned to love the taste.

^^All those sections are dope.

This was really nice man...great emotion and imagery, not only in what I quoted but the whole thing.I love writin' like this when it's done right and you my friend did shit right...very enjoyable.

Rtf sometime, or not...it's all gravy either way.

Stay upwards.

Primeval Martyr · 04-11-2014, 07:39 PM

Poetry is like hip hop, which is like any skill; you can't just come across it and start working on it and be great. Poetry has strict rules, and you need to learn how to use them before you can break them. Excluding the content and imagery, the piece is boring. It's freeform poetry, which is not necessarily bad, but it does nothing rhythmically interesting. The rhythm is erratic, and while great poets might occasionally use such a style, I think this piece shows a lack of familiarity with poetry.

Ghost1 · 04-11-2014, 09:05 PM

WACK. This shit read like a wet fart.

Inno · 04-11-2014, 09:59 PM

Sup stranger.

Stop writing about me ;)

Frank · 04-12-2014, 09:02 PM

Serene sweetie.
Nice!

04-10-2014, 12:27 AM	#1
dyedinthewool green eggs and damn Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: northeast Posts: 786 Battle Record: 1-4 Rep Power: 18308781	burnt honey Burnt honey and clove I rustle the sheets in these curls, tangled Loving love habitually silent Like it’s never failed me. Emerging from a past eroded I ascend, beyond the clouds, beyond the fog Amidst the dew With a catheter bathed in a bourbon stew Finding that stupors and memories in reveries Are both helpless and beyond repair. But I still have days filled with buoyancy Even as I struggle to swim I harbor all of my storms. Only to reincarnate in the morning Like a daisy in a junk yard, Adversity in the bones And light in my lungs. The water comes and goes Remnants on pillows and sleeves, Bits and pieces I leave behind till the next meet. Burnt honey and clove My clavicle submerged in this musk that seeps, blue. Embalmed in cucumber, I live vicariously through motley smiles. That is how I will forever live in your heart. With stained cheeks and a morose stare I’ve only dared for something beautiful. While seasons past evoke Like pine and country oak Nostalgia by the haystack I miss you more than I do the snow, And you are welcome like the pollen. Like a moment of weakness A vulnerable state I’ll always come back because I’ve learned to love the taste.

04-10-2014, 04:19 AM	#2
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	This had a very calming feel to it. I loved your choices in wording and language, as the abstract subtlety built very poetic and interesting imagery. Fully rhyming this piece would have been the icing on the cake, but i think i see what you were doing here. This is technically my first time reading you, seeing as how for some reason I never finished reading the other stuff you dropped in the league, but I think your style is very interesting, and over time can be a serious spectacle in OM. Keep it up :) __________________ Ahem.

04-11-2014, 01:43 AM	#3
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Enjoyed 6 out of 7.9 . Like a moment of weakness A vulnerable state I’ll always come back because I’ve learned to love the taste. . Raw emotion at its peak. Thought you spoke about writing in rhyme in general. You enjoy it,yet miss it and return often in a decade. I have read linear thought before, Entire verse was as such. Quoted area is strong . __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 04-11-2014 at 01:46 AM.

04-12-2014, 09:02 PM	#8
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Serene sweetie. Nice! __________________ *VETWORK*

04-11-2014, 09:58 AM	#4
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	The water comes and goes Remnants on pillows and sleeves, Bits and pieces I leave behind till the next meet. While seasons past evoke Like pine and country oak Nostalgia by the haystack I miss you more than I do the snow, Like a moment of weakness A vulnerable state I’ll always come back because I’ve learned to love the taste. ^^All those sections are dope. This was really nice man...great emotion and imagery, not only in what I quoted but the whole thing.I love writin' like this when it's done right and you my friend did shit right...very enjoyable. Rtf sometime, or not...it's all gravy either way. Stay upwards.

04-11-2014, 07:39 PM	#5
Primeval Martyr Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: L.A. Posts: 5 Rep Power: 0	Poetry is like hip hop, which is like any skill; you can't just come across it and start working on it and be great. Poetry has strict rules, and you need to learn how to use them before you can break them. Excluding the content and imagery, the piece is boring. It's freeform poetry, which is not necessarily bad, but it does nothing rhythmically interesting. The rhythm is erratic, and while great poets might occasionally use such a style, I think this piece shows a lack of familiarity with poetry.

04-11-2014, 09:59 PM	#7
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Sup stranger. Stop writing about me ;)