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Old 03-27-2014, 08:51 PM   #1
Witty
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Default The thoughts in my head

I've been doing this shit for such a long time
Now it's automatic, I never pick the wrong rhyme
The prick who brings the pain, there's a river in my brain
Flowing quicker than the liquor in my veins
Making me warm while I shiver in the rain
Art is frivolous and what it delivers is inane
When it's too hard to remember shit, you're too scarred to reminisce
You have two hearts, cut in two parts by the truth's shards of shattered bliss
Nothing but pain, when anger is all that remains
They call it insane, I call it trying not to vomit as I crawl in the flames
Nothing's worse than when the bubble of a love has burst
And reacting in anger is the only way it doesn't hurt
You struggle, search, for a way to escape as you fear you'll crumble first
I shapeshift, I can make you want to love and make you want to raise fists
I can make you praise the God above, and I can make you fucking HATE shit
Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person
It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing
Yet lately it seems the shit's reversing, yesterday I was Mr Gray, obscene
I was listless, cursing, lips were pursing, didn't have shit to say, just pissed and hurting
Today I'm Mr Perfect...hurray...guess it's the perks of decay in my twisted nerves
Not saying it's a curse but if it ain't then it's from birth, a function in my brain that didn't work
Addicted to addiction, when it comes to rhymes yeah I kick it fluid but I'm sick of doing fiction
Imprisoned in this prism and the prison food is sickening, vomiting these simple, useless, visions
Through barriers, restrictions, living through my characters, vicarious affliction
Judas Iscariot of diction.
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Old 03-27-2014, 09:00 PM   #2
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Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person
It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing
^Dope. Really loved the wording on this in particular.

This started off a little slow but after the art line it began to pick up nicely and was very entertaining. The emotion is the star in this, and that with your use of multis paced this along effortlessly. Drop more in the OM.
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Old 03-27-2014, 11:05 PM   #3
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The fox still has it!
This piece grew more refined as it went on. Although, I am enjoying it the more I read it. It read like an onslaught of racing thoughts, which was complimented finely with the braggadocious edge you employ. The end bit I didn't enjoy. It wasn't as natural as everything before it seemed. Dope. You're one of those guys that need to keep dropping in the OM. SODOIT.
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Old 03-28-2014, 10:49 AM   #4
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thanks bros.
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Old 03-31-2014, 10:27 AM   #5
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I enjoyed this, tbh. I feel in some areas you were a little redundant, but at the same time, the visuals/imagery were nice as if I can visualize the character and his emotions. Needless to say, pretty decent piece here @Witty. So props. Keep writing.

Quote:
When it's too hard to remember shit, you're too scarred to reminisce
You have two hearts, cut in two parts by the truth's shards of shattered bliss

Every day of the week when I awake from a sleep, I'm a different person
It's like, each day is a scene and far away in my dreams I'm just rehearsing
My favorite bars out of the entire piece. Also, felt in certain areas you could have did a little better with your inner flow and matched your syllables a little better as some just seemed like filler just to match the rhyme. Overall as I stated, pretty decent piece, sir.
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Old 03-31-2014, 08:54 PM   #6
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Very dope fam.
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Old 04-01-2014, 07:39 AM   #7
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This was good...what Sicc quoted was my favorites also, flow was straight.Emotion & imagery are stand outs imo...it was a real solid read all round.You don't drop a lot of OM joints but you should, 'tis a refreshin' style that you have there man.

Stay uppity.
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Old 04-02-2014, 12:28 AM   #8
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Quote:
Addicted to addiction, when it comes to rhymes yeah I kick it fluid but I'm sick of doing fiction
Imprisoned in this prism and the prison food is sickening, vomiting these simple, useless, visions
Through barriers, restrictions, living through my characters, vicarious affliction
Judas Iscariot of diction.
This was strangely enjoyable to read....you did not betray diction here, you honored it.


also,

Quote:
I can make you praise the God above, and I can make you fucking HATE shit
I don't believe you. Not judging ya.
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Old 04-02-2014, 12:22 PM   #9
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This is good man. Nice flow to it. Vivid imagery as well. Pretty sick piece.
Peep my audio track "Not Ready"
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Old 04-02-2014, 12:47 PM   #10
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Cool keystyle. You commanded a good amount of swagger in some lines. Writing wise and mechanically, you are capable of more, I think. Maybe I look for a greater degree of complexity than I used to... being concise and to the point is an underrated quality to a drop. You achieved balance here.

Keep doing you
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Old 04-02-2014, 03:29 PM   #11
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Yeah this was the beginnings of three other pieces, didnt ever get to finish them so I just threw them together with an additional line or two so it didn't seem too disjointed.
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Old 04-02-2014, 03:40 PM   #12
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I liked vulgar when he said the stuff about the short lines being underrated in execution. nicecece
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:36 PM   #13
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Little slow at first but it kept gettin better and better. Loved the last 4 bars the best, it went together so smooth and natural. Good shit to read when I cant sleep at 11:33
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:47 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badi Alii View Post
Little slow at first but it kept gettin better and better. Loved the last 4 bars the best, it went together so smooth and natural. Good shit to read when I cant sleep at 11:33
I am happy I could give you something to read at 11:33

I hope by 12:33 you will be fast asleep.

Wait is it 00:33?...fuck it, one of those.

I shudda stayed in school.
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Old 04-03-2014, 12:24 AM   #15
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This read fairly smoothly. I thought it started out pretty slow and boring, but you really caught your stride about midway through the verse and it got better and better. Way to pick it up. The lyrics were, like I say, easy to read, you could catch the rhythm of the piece very easily. But that being said it wasn't like you were really saying much, was just kind of mundane. Then, like I say, it really picked up substantially and it felt a lot more real during the latter part of the verse. Overall this was a solid piece, good job, Witty.
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