VENgeance (0-0) vs LyricAli (0-0) (Ali Win By TKO)

[LyricAli]

@VENgeance quick post bro?

[VENgeanc]

with the blood of every emcee i've defeated in a sea so crimson n infinite
i'ma plant the seed of evil n greed n i need your corpse so i could christen it

but, u a burden.. so someone AliRT 'M cuz i'll insert-him lyricAli into a raw plot
this the end of Ali, dude's so frail he couldn't throw one punch so why not...

break keys on a mercenary, this impersonate'n hater think'n opportunity's knock'n
this loser shouldn't be talkin, stay gagged up n stuffed in the closet ya locked in

i'm above u, hella like pavelow, adren got soldiers on payroll, one i know has already K.O'd-
you, so ya could take command of time n still not make it march to april, i know.. life's so cruel...

this elitist gon' grieve-this genius's skill cuz it's so deep its intravenous, u called me out think'n "i'll win this most likely"
but adren'll land shots like epinephrine if u wanna test-a-veteran then entice me, cuz i eat emcees but i don't like light meats


expos:

* his register date is Mar 2013, it's april now..
* his user title is "Mercenary"
* he was asking how to do punchlines in the cbox
* nomad battled him and K.O'd him, we're in the same crew.
* he's a burden, i got nuff mentions just for this battle.

[LyricAli]

I'm a perpetually prolifically potential jampacked Soldier
Whose GENERAL ideas are to Overthrow this dictator with my pencil in my holster.
Simultaneously his mother cocoons my dick like a catterpillar before its bloomings over.

And when I say before its bloomings over
Is cause his mother currently has a face that looks like it got cremated within a toaster
She drips so much instead of a condom on my cock when I Fuck her I need a coaster.

And in the chatbox Adren openly admitted to not utilising punchlines
That's like a sergeant openly
admitting he's afraid of the frontline
Which is befitting cuz Adrens shook of the action
He'd rather stay home trying moms scarves on
While father shouts at him and he screams back 'DADDY IT'S FASHION!'

And I might bust a couple jokes but believe I ain't playing though
In terms of bars adren got the lyrical substance of play-do
So when he puts up money to battle well that's just play-dough

In previous battles you proved you get KO'd against real Quality/Kwality
You versus me this shit is a horror scene
Only time this pussies grimey is when he stops to sneeze.
And when I'm finished leave this faggot as a chronic asthmatic as he struggles to breathe!

[uh-oh]

vote- dia

[Vinny]

diagnawsick?

[Defiant]

2 links each?

[VENgeanc]

y'all have the two link rule, okay i'll vote n drop a link..

[Zen]

Originally Posted by VENgeance

with the blood of every emcee i've defeated in a sea so crimson n infinite
i'ma plant the seed of evil n greed n i need your corpse so i could christen it
There's no punch here
but, u a burden.. so someone AliRT 'M cuz i'll insert-him lyricAli into a raw plot
this the end of Ali, dude's so frail he couldn't throw one punch so why not...
Why not what? I get it Ali has parkinson's and can't punch but why is why not there at the end? Idk.
break keys on a mercenary, this impersonate'n hater think'n opportunity's knock'n
this loser shouldn't be talkin, stay gagged up n stuffed in the closet ya locked in
No punch again.
i'm above u, hella like pavelow, adren got soldiers on payroll, one i know has already K.O'd-
you, so ya could take command of time n still not make it march to april, i know.. life's so cruel...
No punch....
this elitist gon' grieve-this genius's skill cuz it's so deep its intravenous, u called me out think'n "i'll win this most likely"
but adren'll land shots like epinephrine if u wanna test-a-veteran then entice me, cuz i eat emcees but i don't like light meats
Ok I guess.

Originally Posted by LyricAli

I'm a perpetually prolifically potential jampacked Soldier
Whose GENERAL ideas are to Overthrow this dictator with my pencil in my holster.
Simultaneously his mother cocoons my dick like a catterpillar before its bloomings over.
No punch.
And when I say before its bloomings over
Is cause his mother currently has a face that looks like it got cremated within a toaster
She drips so much instead of a condom on my cock when I Fuck her I need a coaster.
I don't even get this honestly. What does blooming over have to do with being cremated within a toaster?
And in the chatbox Adren openly admitted to not utilising punchlines
That's like a sergeant openly
admitting he's afraid of the frontline
Which is befitting cuz Adrens shook of the action
He'd rather stay home trying moms scarves on
While father shouts at him and he screams back 'DADDY IT'S FASHION!'
First off this is like 2 bars at least with an attempt at being funny at least and it kinda is but it's just not a hard hitting punch at all.
And I might bust a couple jokes but believe I ain't playing though
In terms of bars adren got the lyrical substance of play-do
So when he puts up money to battle well that's just play-dough
No.
In previous battles you proved you get KO'd against real Quality/Kwality
You versus me this shit is a horror scene
Only time this pussies grimey is when he stops to sneeze.
And when I'm finished leave this faggot as a chronic asthmatic as he struggles to breathe!

No.

Ok I wasn't trying to be a dick to you two at all just being honest. Vote ven

[LyricAli]

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5548-Wicked-(0-0)-vs-Aesthetic-(0-0)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES

http://artofbattling.com/showthread.php?5323-Jimbo-(0-1)-vs-Lotto-Smirk-(0-1)-OPEN-FOR-VOTES

[VENgeanc]

if u vote a second time that would be my vote link, which will in turn validate the battle. if u wanna do that for me that's dope n i'll return the favor.. otherwise i should be the one who votes on something..

[LyricAli]

Nah its 2 links EACH here

[VENgeanc]

yeah... lmfao fuck dat.. RR barely had me complying with one link each..

[Flow]

with the blood of every emcee i've defeated in a sea so crimson n infinite
i'ma plant the seed of evil n greed n i need your corpse so i could christen it

This is neither clever or insulting there is no concept - 0/5

but, u a burden.. so someone AliRT 'M cuz i'll insert-him lyricAli into a raw plot
this the end of Ali, dude's so frail he couldn't throw one punch so why not...

Statement, poorly worded, poor concept shit delivery 0.5/5*

break keys on a mercenary, this impersonate'n hater think'n opportunity's knock'n
this loser shouldn't be talkin, stay gagged up n stuffed in the closet ya locked in

Statement no punch 0/5

i'm above u, hella like pavelow, adren got soldiers on payroll, one i know has already K.O'd-
you, so ya could take command of time n still not make it march to april, i know.. life's so cruel...

Statement no punch 0/5

this elitist gon' grieve-this genius's skill cuz it's so deep its intravenous, u called me out think'n "i'll win this most likely"
but adren'll land shots like epinephrine if u wanna test-a-veteran then entice me, cuz i eat emcees but i don't like light meats

What the fuck - way too much filler and in that many lines I'd expect a punch -1/5*


expos:

* his register date is Mar 2013, it's april now..
* his user title is "Mercenary"
* he was asking how to do punchlines in the cbox
* nomad battled him and K.O'd him, we're in the same crew.
* he's a burden, i got nuff mentions just for this battle.

Too many expos that arnt even that great*


You total -0.5*
You have no grasp on concepts punches wording ... The list is long... Poor poor effort but nevermind what do we know at this site - we don't even have a shout box

I'm a perpetually prolifically potential jampacked Soldier
Whose GENERAL ideas are to Overthrow this dictator with my pencil in my holster.*
Simultaneously his mother cocoons my dick like a catterpillar before its bloomings over.

That's huge an other then a light attempt at concept which had no direction I saw nothing in this - an the multis were too forced - 0.5/5

And when I say before its bloomings over*
Is cause his mother currently has a face that looks like it got cremated within a toaster*
She drips so much instead of a condom on my cock when I Fuck her I need a coaster.

When i saw you repeated a line I stopped reading 0/5

And in the chatbox Adren openly admitted to not utilising punchlines
That's like a sergeant openly
admitting he's afraid of the frontline
Which is befitting cuz Adrens shook of the action
He'd rather stay home trying moms scarves on*
While father shouts at him and he screams back 'DADDY IT'S FASHION!'*

Considering the standard this battle is setting (lower then the offspring obey and He whose name shall not be spoken would make) this is ok I suppose but still poor an way too long - 1/5*

And I might bust a couple jokes but believe I ain't playing though
In terms of bars adren got the lyrical substance of play-do
So when he puts up money to battle well that's just play-dough*

No no no no no no 0/5

In previous battles you proved you get KO'd against real Quality/Kwality
You versus me this shit is a horror scene
Only time this pussies grimey is when he stops to sneeze.
And when I'm finished leave this faggot as a chronic asthmatic as he struggles to breathe!

Least there was a minor attempt at a workable concept at the end - urgh 0.5/5


Think that makes you 2 total from
Memory (it's too much filler for me to scroll back up)*

Considering I gave him a minus you won by default anyways you just had to be above 0,


You both need mad work but to be honest I can't see vengeance agreeing.*

Vote the less shit one*

[Split]

Flo Real stay hatin

[~RustyGunZ~]

with the blood of every emcee i've defeated in a sea so crimson n infinite
i'ma plant the seed of evil n greed n i need your corpse so i could christen it
cool flow to this, no punch at all though.

but, u a burden.. so someone AliRT 'M cuz i'll insert-him lyricAli into a raw plot
this the end of Ali, dude's so frail he couldn't throw one punch so why not...
the end of this oddly worded. could have delivered the punch better.

break keys on a mercenary, this impersonate'n hater think'n opportunity's knock'n
this loser shouldn't be talkin, stay gagged up n stuffed in the closet ya locked in
the punch was weak, no connection to anything to make it unique or dope.

i'm above u, hella like pavelow, adren got soldiers on payroll, one i know has already K.O'd-
you, so ya could take command of time n still not make it march to april, i know.. life's so cruel...
the punch was weak. very basic.

this elitist gon' grieve-this genius's skill cuz it's so deep its intravenous, u called me out think'n "i'll win this most likely"
but adren'll land shots like epinephrine if u wanna test-a-veteran then entice me, cuz i eat emcees but i don't like light meats
pretty basic punch, at least an okay grasp of concepts.


yeah you need some work with dropping heavy hitting bars. you have the structure and flow down pretty well but lack the concepts. read some verses and work on wordplay, nameplays, metas, similies, anything really. these are more OM bars than battle bars.

will edit with other guys feed soon

[Sharp]

with the blood of every emcee i've defeated in a sea so crimson n infinite
i'ma plant the seed of evil n greed n i need your corpse so i could christen it
Was more of a boast than an actual punch, didnt really hit
but, u a burden.. so someone AliRT 'M cuz i'll insert-him lyricAli into a raw plot
this the end of Ali, dude's so frail he couldn't throw one punch so why not...
More or less a statment
break keys on a mercenary, this impersonate'n hater think'n opportunity's knock'n
this loser shouldn't be talkin, stay gagged up n stuffed in the closet ya locked in
Nothing really here either
i'm above u, hella like pavelow, adren got soldiers on payroll, one i know has already K.O'd-
you, so ya could take command of time n still not make it march to april, i know.. life's so cruel...
the march idea kind of got muddled with you taking different angles with it (soldiers/april) feel like this could've been a lot more effective
this elitist gon' grieve-this genius's skill cuz it's so deep its intravenous, u called me out think'n "i'll win this most likely"
but adren'll land shots like epinephrine if u wanna test-a-veteran then entice me, cuz i eat emcees but i don't like light meats
tbh i havent seen an eating line that didnt sound corny/played as fuck in awhile, didnt hit


no need for expos, they made me think you're using fairly dull ideas for your concepts. stay up



I'm a perpetually prolifically potential jampacked Soldier
Whose GENERAL ideas are to Overthrow this dictator with my pencil in my holster.
Simultaneously his mother cocoons my dick like a catterpillar before its bloomings over.
oh no
And when I say before its bloomings over
Is cause his mother currently has a face that looks like it got cremated within a toaster
She drips so much instead of a condom on my cock when I Fuck her I need a coaster.
the last line of this kind of hit
And in the chatbox Adren openly admitted to not utilising punchlines
That's like a sergeant openly
admitting he's afraid of the frontline
Which is befitting cuz Adrens shook of the action
He'd rather stay home trying moms scarves on
While father shouts at him and he screams back 'DADDY IT'S FASHION!'
lol wtf
And I might bust a couple jokes but believe I ain't playing though
In terms of bars adren got the lyrical substance of play-do
So when he puts up money to battle well that's just play-dough
hey, no.
In previous battles you proved you get KO'd against real Quality/Kwality
You versus me this shit is a horror scene
Only time this pussies grimey is when he stops to sneeze.
And when I'm finished leave this faggot as a chronic asthmatic as he struggles to breathe!
just like the eat thing this kind of concept almost always comes off as corny/played

okay... seems like you're doing most of your stuff with the actual substance of the punch in the last line, generally set up by just rhyming. in battles its a lot more effective to use something to set up the punchline (you'll notice most if not all of us use setup-punchline format) - think of it like wording a joke


I think that coaster line was the only thing that almost hit for me tbh so ali wins for that

v/ ali

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Split

Flo Real stay hatin

???

[Vinny]

MVGT- lyric for him actually having more of a battle style verse i dont know what Adrenaline aka Ven was doing in this but shoulda saved it more for the OM section or something more along those lines.

[bleak]

Lyric had a few attempts at punches, at least he tried. Idk if Ven knew that this was a battle. I think he picked a random thread and posted this. Work on insulting your opponent instead of just... spitting. Lyric had a line that said that he needed a coaster for Ven's mom cause she's so wet. Ether.

v/Lyric

[TYSON]

And in the chatbox Adren openly admitted to not utilising punchlines
That's like a sergeant openly admitting he's afraid of the frontline
Which is befitting cuz Adrens shook of the action
He'd rather stay home trying moms scarves on
While father shouts at him and he screams back 'DADDY IT'S FASHION!'

Lmfao @ this.

Everything else was a lot of filler and didn't connect for both.still can tell both are good writers tho.

VOTE GOES TO ALI BECAUSE THE LOL RESPONSE FROM ME WAS ME SPITTING MY DRINK LAUGHIN.