Week 4: Vividlyvague (3-0) vs. Pinot Grij (2-0) \\ Vividlyvague wins 6-1

[Certain]

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.


Topic





Good luck, @Vividlyvague and @Pinot Grij.

[e11even]

"Hey Gramps, you into art? Like the graffiti type shit in the park?"
"Naw, kid. But what, you think an old fart can't hang with you, Bart?"
"Gramps, I was just wondering what you thought. This Banksy stuff's what I bought.
You like modern heiroglyphics with subliminals crossed?"
"Not my bag, kid. But this tag that lad did reminds me of my boss."
"Boss? You're retired! Alzheimer's or are you speaking of ARSS?"
"The AntiReich Strike Squad. The craziest blokes to succeed in the war!"
"Gramps, you're a bit off. You avoided Normandy's shore
for normalcy's tour behind a news desk! What'd you bother touting steam for?!"
"Bart, ARSS was an allied special weaponry force. Genetically sourced
to harbor bioweapons to halt the deadliest sort.
We are still top-secret, needed now more than ever before,
So don't tell nobody... these are things I'd never report!"

Gramps had my attention, though his exploits were farfetched.
From an astronaut to grill/bar chef, to former franchise owner of our Target...
I swear he was the worst kind of liar. An Irish drunk with post-war stress,
So I listened for entertainment, but of course yes, in one ear... out the other. More or less...

"There we was! Deep in the thick of it...
Before faces with gaping holes and bodies scorched like brisket tips!
We embedded with Op Glimmer's men- deception's hold was diminishing,
We set in motion a phase that hadn't existed then."
"... and in came the flying dragons and tooth fairies with wizard sticks..."
"Goddammit, Bart! You're not listening!"

I think this just suddenly got rivetting...

"We found the Fuhrerbunker's underground entrances!
The four of us: Bobby, Ignacio, and Winston ripped
and blazed through these dark products of torture experiments
outta Baranowicze. Real nightmares, these lads with pain resistances!
We trained for simpletons, but faced evil's infinitus!"
Feeble and pitiful, we fought irriadiate generals,
Undead sent to murder us... they ate Bobby and Winston's guts!

..."

"You ok Gramps?" His eyelids were filling up.
"They knackered us good... there was almost no will in us.
Until we got to Him, his mistress and little one..."
"Adolf had a daughter?"
"Ya, but illegitimate. What's worse, this degenerate
bafoon used his daughter to get rid of us!
My crown jewel, he said... Irene-Hess is magnificent!
She had mental powers... Ignacio's head exploded. Mist and gristle bits!"
"Shit!"
"Shite is right, lad. Listen this:
I had powers too. She attempted that trick again.
I reflected the blow, three heads popped like unlidded spritzer..."
"Sick! But why don't you still have powers?"
"Who said that I didn't, kid?"

Gotta love Gramps

[Pinot Grij]

ROLE REVERSAL!!

Yooo, I love graffiti, it's so anti-establishment
A colorful "Fuck You!" to the system and its inhabitants
I'm sick of the government, the war and the killings
So I painted a girl patting down a soldier on this building
(take that Putin!)

A political rebel, never settle, its a Grade A plan
We're gonna take back Crimea with a spraypaint can!
I loooove Banksy!!! He's a hero, there's no debate
A man so courageous that he never shows his face
The commercial agenda is what we've professed to conquer
Nothing can stop our message... except for a pressure washer
My gramma said, "You gonna change the world someday, star"
That's why I tag her initials on brick walls and subway cars
The cops try to stop me, but I lay it down regardless
Ruining other people's good work under the shroud of darkness

Srrrrrkt...

BACK TO PINOT!!!

Listen kids, this is a friendly PSA
From Pinot Grij, tellin you not to be so gay
Graffiti is just losers making cluttered up scenes
If you want to fight a war, join the fucking Marines
Your cause is stupid, I don't know why you try anymore
Cuz you're only sticking it to owners of variety stores
A political activist?? Trust me, no one wants that guy
I mean... girls DO fuck artists... just not thaaaat kind
I get it, you're passionate.. that's the way that you are
Maybe write text verses... or learn to play the guitar
Do something productive that's not the smallest crime
And stop wearing a fucking backpack all the time
Or, I guess keep tagging... I mean, if that's what you need
Just start writing shit that people can actually read

[Just Write]

Vivid, lol I love your stories dog. They are always entertaining as fuck. You should totally write plays haha. Anyways this was nice, it was a little bland in the middle but I still enjoyed it. Not you best piece but enough for the win here



Pinot,
damn bro. You were on track to have something nice here. I enjoyed the first little bit a lot. I was refreshing as you were editing lol. I didnt want to vote til I knew you were finished. I wish you had more time to finish this, it would have been a great piece but unfortunately it wasnt enough today.

Mvgt=vivid

[Adonis]

Vivid_ the closing line gave the entire story a solid feel to it. I get who was speaking where and when which is good, but there were too many switches between just two characters I felt. Flow was decent at points to pretty dope at points. Flow in the "farfetched/target" bar was off by quit a bit. Good story,again you packed as many end rhymes you could as possible per individual line in a loose rhyme scheme


blush_ I actually really enjoyed this verse. It had very smooth flow due consistent syllable count in rhymes. You took a chance simply saying the AOWL 's participants haven't been writing that well. However, the rest of the Verse was on a rather weak subject. You taking about how gay graffiti is came off weak to me because there is no emotional connection to me because we disagree. It was solid writing other then that though.

Vote Pinot.

Did not like the amount of first person narrative changes.
I did like the almost flex feel, or vibe pinot's text gave

[timeless]

Vivid, lol alright I thought it was dope with the conversation between grandpa and grandson. I just wish you tackled the subject matter more instead of going wayyyy off track in the story. You were realistic through the first half, thought it was gonna be a dope story with the typical vet, crazy storytelling grandpa, everything he was saying in his story was real. Then all the sudden, after finding hitler, hitler sent the undead to kill him and his boys, then all the sudden hitlers daughter has superpowers that make heads explode, then he does too. Lol that shit was just too random for me, didn’t sit well. The ending seemed abrupt after all of that. “gotta love gramps” was cool I guess, portraying that crazy ol grandpa will never change, no matter how real/down to earth he pretends to be. But still, I just wish you would’ve evolved the story differently. Your technicals were all on point, nothing to say about that aspect of this writing.

Pinot, Same thing I felt was out of place with vivids verse this week was that I wish it went in a different direction. The beginning parts were strong and I thought they would’ve advanced more, but you did a complete 180 with the ending stanza. Almost seems like you got bored with the first half or didn’t know where to take it so you banged out that last part real quick. This shit was comical. I did enjoy it for sure though, there were quite a few lines I could quote. The ending was dope as well lol.

Both routes you two took for the topic were off for me, couldn’t get down with it. I was originally going to vote for pinot for having a more enjoyable read, but I don’t think V should take a loss here. His piece was more polished, better rhyme schemes, more complete, etc.

V. VividlyVague

[Vulgar]

Vividlyvague - lol this would be a good idea for a comic book. You're adept at incorporating dialogue to tell a story and making it animated. There's something going on that can engage the reader into the scenes. This story was cool, I thought. The ending wasn't what I expected, with the grandson talking about his crazy old grandpa again. I think if the reader was more heart-warmed towards the grandpa during all of this, we might sympathize with his outlandish tales. Grandpas are usually lovable, so maybe you could capitalize more on making the character appeal to us, only because it's not an automatic, innate response to be inclined to feel nostalgia towards a grandfather figure. Strong showing.

Pinot Grij - Haha, you're spot on with your criticisms. The ending was pretty cute as well. You took the topic very literally which works against some people, but because of your superior approach to humor, you were able to execute this with ease. Good rhyming and critiques towards graffiti throughout. I wouldn't say this was as thorough as your Alex Trebek verse (not every verse can be as complete as the longer ones) I enjoyed this though. I don't know if I liked it more than VV's though.

Vote - Vividlyvague

I preferred the wildness of his take. Pinot kept it safe, while still being witty.

[Certain]

Vividlyvague leads 3-1.

[NYCSPITZ]

So this will be a shorter vote than the contestants deserve tbh. Vividlyvague dialogue driven piece is what we come to expect more or less. Pinot Grig, refreshing comic relief type piece. I feel both came with their strengths and Vv got the better of this battle . Thanks for writing

[King Ra.]

Vivid, you've been killing these dialogues with ease of late and it seems to be a part of your arsenal. But while the dialogue was impressive, what really drove your piece is the amount of detail and content you're able to put within the dialogue itself. It really gives your character(s) a voice and brings them to life. Even more than that, you managed to tell a great story, and the humor within was refreshing as well. Pinot, I know you definitely could have made this a great contest, and it sucks that you had that computer incident occur. With what you managed to put here, I loved the creativity you had. Beyond the solid mechanics and creativity, your piece lacked the depth and content to take down your opponent.

MVGT: Vividlyvague.

[Frank]

Vividlyvague. Special place in my heart for this verse. It was well received. An uninhibited, conceptual exceptionally gifted conversationist you are. A true writer, it shall be scary to see just how much you can elevate from here on out. No topic/picture/phrase is ever too much for the 'bombastic' vague. He, himself is his biggest obstacle. Hurdling his grandeur may catch on the moon. Not quite over the moon yet kid but most definitely a shooting star. You are putting together quite the variety pack of topical goodies.
Your grandfather was portrayed crazy and the normally psychotic nature of your writing downplayed that and kind of gave it a more 'even' tone. This had a nutty charm to it, I cracked a few smiles. Well done. And Thanks again.

Pinot grij
A lot of angst that fit with the idea of relics who dabble in graffiti. Good tone that resonated somewhat like a freedom fighter for me. The PSA was like 'cut the cameras' And you dished out how you felt forreal. I applaud your effort of writing for better or worse. They can't all be Alex Trebecks.
Sometimes they're Louie Anderson on family feud.

V/Vividlyvague