Week 2: Diode (1-0) vs. Adonis (1-0) \\ Adonis wins 9-7

Certain · 03-03-2014, 03:45 AM

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.

Topic

"Though my problems are meaningless, that don't make them go away." — Neil Young

Good luck, @Diode and @Adonis.

Adonis · 03-07-2014, 12:47 AM

.

Owner. Married. Hardly sober.
Chiseled Biceps. Bulging shoulders.
Fast car. Even faster competence.
I mean common sense. I mean I compensate
With the fastest Cyberspace.
I'll never be Adonis, but God I love my face.

...

Love craved. Populace slave.
Lacking gentle touch in passionless ways.
Fashion that's praised...At least I hope.
A pen grouped. Excrete discreet.
Talent cloaked beneath remedial weaves.
Over the moon. Hair recedes.
Awfuls adjacent kin. Perceived elite.

...

A professionals professional.
Master Swimmer/fisher. Master transsexual.
Masterful Mage. Mastered charades.
Picture perfect Pictionary. Masterfully – Ordinary.
I'm gorgeous George. Pecks impeccable.
My Rhyme Project's dreamy. Impressionable.
Gift of gab. Gibbering of trash receptacles.
Beyond Talent. Simply unmeasurable.

...

A white Gi cloaked by black waist.
The belt won't expose the sheath my ass gapes.
Fists of furry. Rarely weary.
Defined deltoids. Hairless clearly.
This ain't a race, if it were, I'm of melting pot.
Irish-German vermin with a teeny Celtic cock.

...

I rule my Domain. Right out this atmosphere.
My friends log in once every half a year.
I'm glad you're here. If it's not as clear.
One post per week is how I wound up here

...
Thank you friends, for filling the void.
The love here far out ways the hate my site deploys.

~Ode~

.

Diode · 03-08-2014, 02:59 AM

i've never been one to believe what i'm told
the cynic in me is a sickness that isn't swiftly controlled
parents pushed me to church and for years it'd work
until the moment in time when i saw my first hearse
felt the angered anguish.. unanswered, languid passage
of living corpses still in shock by the damage of God's absence
an infant born deceased tests the mettle of your balance
to say that mine was leveled is the best that i can manage
ravaged.. by this cold, closed casket sight
my view upon the universe changed in the pew that very night

started reading up on nietzsche but his lessons didn't reach me
so i turned the page to adams and found sarcasm without meaning
dawkins, though an expert, patronized throughout his teaching
and hitchens was too placated by his fate brought into being
still seeking.. i sought a science backed solution
and a demon haunted world from sagan provided retribution
the chaos of this world unfurls regardless of yourself
even though we want to have control (and so does someone else)

yes the pale blue dot remains a hallmark of all of our acheivements
but insignifigance does not negate our fulfillments or completions
see there is a point to life and all its strife and struggle
each human intricate, infinite piece, limitless puzzle
it's true that entropy is nature, no behavior shapes your destiny
yet reality is affected by the way you choose your legacy

so while my problems may be meaningless, specious or facetious
that don't make them go away..

and therein lies my thesis

Just Write · 03-08-2014, 11:46 AM

A white Gi cloaked by black waist.
The belt won't expose the sheath my ass gapes.
Fists of furry. Rarely weary.
Defined deltoids. Hairless clearly.
This ain't a race, if it were, I'm of melting pot.
Irish-German vermin with a teeny Celtic cock.

Lol this whole section had me laughing, the one after it was solid too. This seemed like a really fun piece and its nice to see someone just have fun and write for a change. I do however think this might have been more fit for the OM than the AWOL because even though I did enjoy it, it felt lacking a bit for me.

Doide,
I don't know man. You suprise me sometimes. Like I really didnt like your piece last week but then read your battle with fresh (which was a pretty stellar piece) and then this one. I didnt really like your first section but the 2nd on till the closer was just beautifully written. I see improvements every week from you (as well as eveyone else including myself) keep it up.

This was a difficult decision. I really enjoyed both pieces but I just feel like the effort from diide made me lean more toqards his verse this week. Really dope battle guys. Im looking forward to reading more from both of you. Thanks for the great reads.

Mvgt=Diode

neutral · 03-08-2014, 01:20 PM

1) This was quite funny. I think it's an unsubtle criticism of your opponent this week. Fragmented with rhyme schemes that were, on occasion, interesting. A satirical character reference? I'm not sure if you dislike him or not in reality, or if these were playful jibes but I suppose if someone is not familiar with your subject, or is and doesn't really know him, this verse would be bizarre. I fall into that second category, but this line: 'I'll never be Adonis, but God I love my face.' explained the premise to me. Ode, too. That was clever. A fun verse. Not badly written.

2) Something written in a more earnest tone. I suppose it felt a bit dry, especially in comparison. The first verse did not feel particularly convincing in that I did not feel the emotion was effectively communicated. It picked up by the second verse where the names shape the growth in the character (presumably you, also) and in turn shapes the reader's understanding of him. That was the highlight of the piece. It moved to the final act and devolved into something which felt a bit preachy. That is my biggest criticism.

A close battle.

Adonis.

Lars · 03-08-2014, 02:29 PM

Adonis surprised me here, I felt like he finally found that happy medium between his more poetic and prose like style and what we've come to know as a 'topical' verse in textcee terms. He merged the two well, the lines were crisp and short, giving us small flashes of character rather than just an out-an-out description. It definitely works, and I liked the tone used throughout, it was light-hearted and a thinly veiled dig at the opposition but done tastefully. I've not seen a topical done this was before, either, so it had that element of creativity to it.

Quote:

Mastered charades.
Picture perfect Pictionary. Masterfully – Ordinary.

I really liked that idea of 'masterfully ordinary', thought you did real well here.

Diode - I actually thought there was a lot to like about the opening, I always like knowing the sort of basis of what makes the person or thing tick and make them act a certain way or feel or change their moral and religious views somewhat. I thought this couplet was nice from the first verse:

Quote:

an infant born deceased tests the mettle of your balance
to say that mine was leveled is the best that i can manage

I just find it has a resounding ring of truth to it, maybe you just need to have been in that situation, but some things are difficult to put into words so I liked the admission of honesty almost in that line. It struck a cord with me, at least, because it was relatable.

The following verse again was really more tailored to my tastes, the whole getting to know where your ideas etc are developed from - by taking us through the different authors you gleaned from, I felt I could connect with it more. I loved the 'each human an intricate piece of the same puzzle' concept too, that was really strong, I didn't think it was too 'preachy' at all towards the closure. I think the pace was set and if anything you justified everything that came before by leaving it almost open-ended, but in a good way. The way you wrapped it up did the piece a justice IMHO, adding a weight of significance to what had been described prior.

Two solid showings again this week, I'm voting purely on personal preference and which piece appeals to me more, which was Diode's here. This could go either way though.

Much respect to both writers!

timeless · 03-08-2014, 03:48 PM

Adonis, I felt that each stanza represented a different person on this site? Or just Diode? Either way it went over my head. Was a good read though, flow was on point, comical at times.

Diode, this was a cool read as well, nothing really too abstract to take away from the feel of it. The approach you took to the topic was pretty straight forward though. Technicals were on point.

Both were pretty even technical wise, but I have to give it to Adonis for being more creative and approaching the topic better.

v. Adonis

Vulgar · 03-08-2014, 08:42 PM

Adonis - The flow in this was sick to me, I really liked what you did with it. The approach is radically different than what I'm used to, not only from you but from anyone. It was a slightly bizarre illustration about a website owner. Who happens to be Diode. I don't exactly know why you took that kind of a gamble, lol. I feel like you could've thought up something better, however, it was written well.

Diode - This was an okay read to me. You are a well read person and I'm sure you've read every author you mentioned in the text. The meaning of the piece was supported by the narrator's examples. I found it to be a little boring after reading it a few times. This is my main criticism. Otherwise, your rhyme schemes are smooth.

My vote goes to Adonis. He had the better verse.

Witty · 03-09-2014, 09:05 PM

Adonis - lololol dead @ you writing a topical battle verse. It was an entertaining read though, and very well written, the flow was fun too, some of it was a little too stop/start for me, but mostly you ket a nice rhythm which fit well with the theme of the verse. I like it when a writer doesn't take himself too seriously, humour is something which is sadly lacking in topical writing in general, I know there's the stereotype of the man poem, and that isn't without reason, so it's refreshing to see aomehing different. You did stick to the topic too, which is also impressive, it was actually quite a literal take on it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I do like to see unexpected takes on topics, things that I personally don't see in the topic until someone writes about it, so I take a few points off for that but you adhered to the topic, regardless, and you wrote a very entertaining piece. Props.

Diode - I thought this was a great read, started off a little shaky but when it got going it was a lot of fun to read. I don't think it fully reflected your technical ability as a writer, and what you can do from a mechanics standpoint, but that isn't always the be all and end all, you wrote an interesting, honest and well informed piece. It wasn't the firwith this gwneral idea, so again I will take a few points off for that but I did like it a lot, cool read.

Difficult one, both wrote entertaining pieces, they were fun to read, but gonna go with Diode.

Zen · 03-09-2014, 09:39 PM

On my phone so the vote may be brief.

Adonis: It wasn't until about halfway through the verse I realized you were talking about Diode cuz I'm stoopid. Once that became clear I enjoyed this. Those subtle jabs were nicely done and the closing section was imo the strongest. Nice, funny verse.

Diode: Well crafted piece here. There were some lines which flowed together nicely through subtle use of alliteration. Whether that was intended of not I don't know, but it worked beautifully. The premise of this also great although a bit cliche, but your unique wording and style made it seem original.

Close battle. At first I was thinking Adonis, but after a second read I got Diode.

oats · 03-09-2014, 10:05 PM

ok back on a comp now

Adonis: on first read I didn't quite get it. then I figured out you were talking about Diode, and found it quite hilarious. I do think you danced around the topic a little bit, taking more time to poke fun at your opponent than actually address him as the subject for your verse. In a weird way, this is actually a perfect angle, or could have been, since people really do depend on site admins/owner to make this hobby of ours possible. not sure if you really hit that square on though, more like you were having/poking fun.

Diode: I liked this, a brief meditation on a man's inner-conflict and search to reconcile the evils of the world through religion, philosophy, and science. I have two gripes: first, the problems you mentioned hardly seemed meaningless to me - people dying, mortality, having no purpose, etc. Second, there really wasn't an angle on the topic to me, just a straightforward interpretation of it. The conclusion was the topic. And how it all moved by so quickly, there was something about it that felt a little flat.

Vote: This was hard. After reading Adonis' verse, I thought Diode would easily take the W, but Diode didn't come through with the type of caliber I was expecting. In a way, Adonis' had a better take on the topic, at least in terms of being more original an idea. Ultimately, I have to side with Adonis for a more novel take on the topic, whereas Diode's seemed a little ordinary for my tastes. good match, fellas

patrown · 03-09-2014, 10:43 PM

adonis - i read this once and went WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ. so i read it again. and i laaaughed. you kept line syllable count very short, fittingly. i'm not too familiar with diode, and it's still funny. the inclusion of yourself was a little vain. but i think that kinda shows you're not hating on him so much as having fun. which i appreciate. thought this was the best stanza...
A professionals professional.
Master Swimmer/fisher. Master transsexual.
Masterful Mage. Mastered charades.
Picture perfect Pictionary. Masterfully – Ordinary.
I'm gorgeous George. Pecks impeccable.
My Rhyme Project's dreamy. Impressionable.
Gift of gab. Gibbering of trash receptacles.
Beyond Talent. Simply unmeasurable.
really clean, alliteration helped out a lot. sounds very concise. overall your approach was admirable. going for entertainment, for some fun. to get some laughs. and you very well did. nice piece.

Diode - my first reaction was.. response piece? and then the second stanza kicked in. you explained what made you look inside your own mind and seamlessly wove the authors who helped you along the way. you also examined the topic rather well...
yes the pale blue dot remains a hallmark of all of our acheivements
but insignifigance does not negate our fulfillments or completions
i wanted to act like i'm familiar with all those famous guys, and i'm not. but you made me feel like i am. cool. overall this felt a little dry to me in the end. and it was a response piece.

MVGT: I'm not sure if this was a collaboration or what. i really enjoyed the attack and the explanation. However, Diode didn't take a stab back and simply told it how it is. exactly why he is the way he is. nailed the topic more effectively imho. respect.

zygote · 03-09-2014, 11:11 PM

A good contest of stylistic display compared against direct content. Enjoyed the straightforward tone from Diode but felt if you are going to go like this you need better insights or critiques etc, it was a bit too much name dropping without expanding or elucidating much perhaps. Kind of the very basics of nihilism, the last line showing the narrator character to be the ultimate pragmatist. Pretty good effort, but the tone was far overshadowed by Adonis' rich language and tangential connections between all the different phrases. The wording with the short staccato sentences and the vivid words was jarring and added to the overall atmosphere of the writing. Message and language were working together to form a great synthesis, it was a new and interesting conception. Voting for Adonis.

YDK · 03-09-2014, 11:22 PM

this was cool, Adonis you had a fun/funny verse with a newer style than usual from what I've seen. Even though it felt lacking in the line lengths it still held the flow, my attention, and best..the entertainment. good shit bro
Diode, you had a completely different take and style which was kinda the expected route of anybody competing. the structure and rhyme scheme was solid but didn't quite hold my attention as well as adonis' verse. not bad in the least just different than your opponents.
I gotta vote for Adonis this week just because it was more refreshing.
dope battle guys keep it up

King Ra. · 03-10-2014, 12:51 AM

Adonis, I don't kniw how you came about the direction you decided to take, but I must say, I came away very impressed. You tapped into what you do best, with your poetic-like touch which was dead on from start to finish. What comes along with that is great description and an essential flow which never slipped. While it may come to many as a piece which lacks any impact, this piece was a very creative take on the topic. Very well done. Diode, you have a natural way of writing, simple approach but well written. Your take on the topic wasn't unique/creative but you put it together well with very little, if none error. I would have to say though, you could have been a bit more creative or more in-depth because your piece seems to lack that kick to draw me in.

With that said, I feel Diode missed out on a chance to take this one because Adonis took a sort of weird approach, one which Diode could've capitalized on if he sprinkled somethung more entertaining and fresh. Adonis approach was risky, but he wrote very well, had a unique take and imo, steals this one.

MVGT: Adonis.

Rawn MD · 03-10-2014, 01:02 AM

adonis - i actully enjoyed ur verse...reminded me of a narcisist whose a no one at heart, and lives in a constant state of bad faith, but knows it and chooses it - bc its simply easier than the alternate. Your adjective choices were dope at points; however sometimes they became redunant, which may have been inentional (im not sure.) Stylistically i liked the set up, and flow was pretty fluent maybe one sylable to many at certain points, but nothing to detrimental. I felt it addressed the topic in an original way, and overall enjoyed your verse.

Diode - Your verse was pretty decent as well. I just have a personal difficulty with the logical flow of it, like from the first stanza to the third. I understand what you were doing, but I felt like if u delved deeper, and maybe concentrated more on the concept you presented in your last stanza it would have had a much deeper impact. I did enjoy the name dropping with philosophy, found it intellectually amusing. Another thing that threw me slightly was your tense differentation, and i may b nitpicking, but at first your telling a story, then ur giving advice, and then you bring it back together (or attempt to) It just seemed like there was something missing, or almost scattered at times. If you stuck with the third stanzas theme I think the verse woulda been better as a whole personally. Not bad at all though man.

Overall, I got to go with adonis...i enjoyed his wordchoice, approach, and overall cohesiveness more. Felt it to be a little more thought out. Pretty close though. Props to both,

Vote - Adonis

Objective · 03-10-2014, 01:39 AM

Adonis - Really liked the set-up to most of your lines, the stanzas are dope with a witty concept. Flowed well, rhymescheme on par throughout. Enjoyed the piece as a whole. Wish I had more to add, but I actually don't. It was a solid showing and I thought the execution was great.

Diode - Dope intro, enjoy how the first verse progresses. Flowed well, I've seen better rhymescheme from you tho', but that's only when I compare this to what I've read from you earlier.

''started reading up on nietzsche but his lessons didn't reach me
so i turned the page to adams and found sarcasm without meaning''
^ Really loved this couplet.

As you continue on your main characters battle to figure out the meaning of life I get drawn into it because I can somewhat relate to ongoing reading about this and that person. I've read a little bit and Nietzsche is definitely an interesting fella.

When I read through your piece I was wondering where you were going with it having the topic in mind. I liked how it ended and understood it as the entire verse is a reply to the quote with your character saying this, and the conclusion/last line is pretty dope and sums it up.

Vote - I feel like this could go either way. I liked Adonis' approach and found it entertaining, Diode came with a great showing as well and I enjoyed his concept a little bit more. It's kinda a coinflip to me. Should I vote for the verse I found the most entertaining to read, or the one with a story and a concept I enjoy more when it comes down to it? As I think about it I'm leaning towards the last one here...

So, due to that my vote goes to Diode. Dope to see you back in action Adonis! Props to both.

Frank · 03-10-2014, 02:38 AM

Adonis

Dude is special ed with it. This verse was rambunctious. Good for you for pushing the envelop. Somewhat disturbing. The ode to diode was on some shane McMahon buying wcw shit.

Diode

Thesis piece here. I thought your laser beam on the board could've been more pin point though. Your writing is like Just Writes in a sense except I think his simple flow may suit his style more. You have a college degree, maybe time for some multies

Vote to Adonis

e11even · 03-10-2014, 02:56 AM

Adonis- i was searching for an answer. I dug the piece more after reading a vote to get the vibe of possibly what you were going for. I was a little confused in how the messages you were delivering were mashed up. I wish I had time to reread. All in all, very creative take on the topic.

Diode- i can appreciate the substance in this drop as well as the rhyming devices used. I wasn't too into this but the heart in it was evident. I liked this. Good job.

MVGT to Diode for the easier more enjoyable connection to the subject matter.

03-03-2014, 03:45 AM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Week 2: Diode (1-0) vs. Adonis (1-0) \\ Adonis wins 9-7 Season 3 The Basics \| Read the full rules here. Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS. Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT. Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent. Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread. Topic "Though my problems are meaningless, that don't make them go away." — Neil Young Good luck, @Diode and @Adonis. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

03-07-2014, 12:47 AM	#2
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	. Owner. Married. Hardly sober. Chiseled Biceps. Bulging shoulders. Fast car. Even faster competence. I mean common sense. I mean I compensate With the fastest Cyberspace. I'll never be Adonis, but God I love my face. ... Love craved. Populace slave. Lacking gentle touch in passionless ways. Fashion that's praised...At least I hope. A pen grouped. Excrete discreet. Talent cloaked beneath remedial weaves. Over the moon. Hair recedes. Awfuls adjacent kin. Perceived elite. ... A professionals professional. Master Swimmer/fisher. Master transsexual. Masterful Mage. Mastered charades. Picture perfect Pictionary. Masterfully – Ordinary. I'm gorgeous George. Pecks impeccable. My Rhyme Project's dreamy. Impressionable. Gift of gab. Gibbering of trash receptacles. Beyond Talent. Simply unmeasurable. ... A white Gi cloaked by black waist. The belt won't expose the sheath my ass gapes. Fists of furry. Rarely weary. Defined deltoids. Hairless clearly. This ain't a race, if it were, I'm of melting pot. Irish-German vermin with a teeny Celtic cock. ... I rule my Domain. Right out this atmosphere. My friends log in once every half a year. I'm glad you're here. If it's not as clear. One post per week is how I wound up here ... Thank you friends, for filling the void. The love here far out ways the hate my site deploys. *~Ode~* . __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

03-08-2014, 02:59 AM	#3
Diode PR's Finest Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 14,165 Battle Record: 12-7 Rep Power: 85899410	i've never been one to believe what i'm told the cynic in me is a sickness that isn't swiftly controlled parents pushed me to church and for years it'd work until the moment in time when i saw my first hearse felt the angered anguish.. unanswered, languid passage of living corpses still in shock by the damage of God's absence an infant born deceased tests the mettle of your balance to say that mine was leveled is the best that i can manage ravaged.. by this cold, closed casket sight my view upon the universe changed in the pew that very night started reading up on nietzsche but his lessons didn't reach me so i turned the page to adams and found sarcasm without meaning dawkins, though an expert, patronized throughout his teaching and hitchens was too placated by his fate brought into being still seeking.. i sought a science backed solution and a demon haunted world from sagan provided retribution the chaos of this world unfurls regardless of yourself even though we want to have control (and so does someone else) yes the pale blue dot remains a hallmark of all of our acheivements but insignifigance does not negate our fulfillments or completions see there is a point to life and all its strife and struggle each human intricate, infinite piece, limitless puzzle it's true that entropy is nature, no behavior shapes your destiny yet reality is affected by the way you choose your legacy so while my problems may be meaningless, specious or facetious that don't make them go away.. and therein lies my thesis __________________

03-08-2014, 11:46 AM	#4
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	A white Gi cloaked by black waist. The belt won't expose the sheath my ass gapes. Fists of furry. Rarely weary. Defined deltoids. Hairless clearly. This ain't a race, if it were, I'm of melting pot. Irish-German vermin with a teeny Celtic cock. Lol this whole section had me laughing, the one after it was solid too. This seemed like a really fun piece and its nice to see someone just have fun and write for a change. I do however think this might have been more fit for the OM than the AWOL because even though I did enjoy it, it felt lacking a bit for me. Doide, I don't know man. You suprise me sometimes. Like I really didnt like your piece last week but then read your battle with fresh (which was a pretty stellar piece) and then this one. I didnt really like your first section but the 2nd on till the closer was just beautifully written. I see improvements every week from you (as well as eveyone else including myself) keep it up. This was a difficult decision. I really enjoyed both pieces but I just feel like the effort from diide made me lean more toqards his verse this week. Really dope battle guys. Im looking forward to reading more from both of you. Thanks for the great reads. Mvgt=Diode __________________

03-09-2014, 09:05 PM	#9
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	Adonis - lololol dead @ you writing a topical battle verse. It was an entertaining read though, and very well written, the flow was fun too, some of it was a little too stop/start for me, but mostly you ket a nice rhythm which fit well with the theme of the verse. I like it when a writer doesn't take himself too seriously, humour is something which is sadly lacking in topical writing in general, I know there's the stereotype of the man poem, and that isn't without reason, so it's refreshing to see aomehing different. You did stick to the topic too, which is also impressive, it was actually quite a literal take on it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I do like to see unexpected takes on topics, things that I personally don't see in the topic until someone writes about it, so I take a few points off for that but you adhered to the topic, regardless, and you wrote a very entertaining piece. Props. Diode - I thought this was a great read, started off a little shaky but when it got going it was a lot of fun to read. I don't think it fully reflected your technical ability as a writer, and what you can do from a mechanics standpoint, but that isn't always the be all and end all, you wrote an interesting, honest and well informed piece. It wasn't the firwith this gwneral idea, so again I will take a few points off for that but I did like it a lot, cool read. Difficult one, both wrote entertaining pieces, they were fun to read, but gonna go with Diode. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

03-08-2014, 01:20 PM	#5
neutral Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 52 Battle Record: 1-2 Rep Power: 3412709	1) This was quite funny. I think it's an unsubtle criticism of your opponent this week. Fragmented with rhyme schemes that were, on occasion, interesting. A satirical character reference? I'm not sure if you dislike him or not in reality, or if these were playful jibes but I suppose if someone is not familiar with your subject, or is and doesn't really know him, this verse would be bizarre. I fall into that second category, but this line: 'I'll never be Adonis, but God I love my face.' explained the premise to me. Ode, too. That was clever. A fun verse. Not badly written. 2) Something written in a more earnest tone. I suppose it felt a bit dry, especially in comparison. The first verse did not feel particularly convincing in that I did not feel the emotion was effectively communicated. It picked up by the second verse where the names shape the growth in the character (presumably you, also) and in turn shapes the reader's understanding of him. That was the highlight of the piece. It moved to the final act and devolved into something which felt a bit preachy. That is my biggest criticism. A close battle. Adonis.

03-08-2014, 03:48 PM	#7
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	Adonis, I felt that each stanza represented a different person on this site? Or just Diode? Either way it went over my head. Was a good read though, flow was on point, comical at times. Diode, this was a cool read as well, nothing really too abstract to take away from the feel of it. The approach you took to the topic was pretty straight forward though. Technicals were on point. Both were pretty even technical wise, but I have to give it to Adonis for being more creative and approaching the topic better. v. Adonis

03-08-2014, 08:42 PM	#8
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Adonis - The flow in this was sick to me, I really liked what you did with it. The approach is radically different than what I'm used to, not only from you but from anyone. It was a slightly bizarre illustration about a website owner. Who happens to be Diode. I don't exactly know why you took that kind of a gamble, lol. I feel like you could've thought up something better, however, it was written well. Diode - This was an okay read to me. You are a well read person and I'm sure you've read every author you mentioned in the text. The meaning of the piece was supported by the narrator's examples. I found it to be a little boring after reading it a few times. This is my main criticism. Otherwise, your rhyme schemes are smooth. My vote goes to Adonis. He had the better verse.

03-09-2014, 09:39 PM	#10
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	On my phone so the vote may be brief. Adonis: It wasn't until about halfway through the verse I realized you were talking about Diode cuz I'm stoopid. Once that became clear I enjoyed this. Those subtle jabs were nicely done and the closing section was imo the strongest. Nice, funny verse. Diode: Well crafted piece here. There were some lines which flowed together nicely through subtle use of alliteration. Whether that was intended of not I don't know, but it worked beautifully. The premise of this also great although a bit cliche, but your unique wording and style made it seem original. Close battle. At first I was thinking Adonis, but after a second read I got Diode.

03-09-2014, 10:05 PM	#11
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,084 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005428	ok back on a comp now Adonis: on first read I didn't quite get it. then I figured out you were talking about Diode, and found it quite hilarious. I do think you danced around the topic a little bit, taking more time to poke fun at your opponent than actually address him as the subject for your verse. In a weird way, this is actually a perfect angle, or could have been, since people really do depend on site admins/owner to make this hobby of ours possible. not sure if you really hit that square on though, more like you were having/poking fun. Diode: I liked this, a brief meditation on a man's inner-conflict and search to reconcile the evils of the world through religion, philosophy, and science. I have two gripes: first, the problems you mentioned hardly seemed meaningless to me - people dying, mortality, having no purpose, etc. Second, there really wasn't an angle on the topic to me, just a straightforward interpretation of it. The conclusion was the topic. And how it all moved by so quickly, there was something about it that felt a little flat. Vote: This was hard. After reading Adonis' verse, I thought Diode would easily take the W, but Diode didn't come through with the type of caliber I was expecting. In a way, Adonis' had a better take on the topic, at least in terms of being more original an idea. Ultimately, I have to side with Adonis for a more novel take on the topic, whereas Diode's seemed a little ordinary for my tastes. good match, fellas __________________ You should be water

03-09-2014, 10:43 PM	#12
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	adonis - i read this once and went WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ. so i read it again. and i laaaughed. you kept line syllable count very short, fittingly. i'm not too familiar with diode, and it's still funny. the inclusion of yourself was a little vain. but i think that kinda shows you're not hating on him so much as having fun. which i appreciate. thought this was the best stanza... A professionals professional. Master Swimmer/fisher. Master transsexual. Masterful Mage. Mastered charades. Picture perfect Pictionary. Masterfully – Ordinary. I'm gorgeous George. Pecks impeccable. My Rhyme Project's dreamy. Impressionable. Gift of gab. Gibbering of trash receptacles. Beyond Talent. Simply unmeasurable. really clean, alliteration helped out a lot. sounds very concise. overall your approach was admirable. going for entertainment, for some fun. to get some laughs. and you very well did. nice piece. Diode - my first reaction was.. response piece? and then the second stanza kicked in. you explained what made you look inside your own mind and seamlessly wove the authors who helped you along the way. you also examined the topic rather well... yes the pale blue dot remains a hallmark of all of our acheivements but insignifigance does not negate our fulfillments or completions i wanted to act like i'm familiar with all those famous guys, and i'm not. but you made me feel like i am. cool. overall this felt a little dry to me in the end. and it was a response piece. MVGT: I'm not sure if this was a collaboration or what. i really enjoyed the attack and the explanation. However, Diode didn't take a stab back and simply told it how it is. exactly why he is the way he is. nailed the topic more effectively imho. respect.

03-09-2014, 11:11 PM	#13
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	A good contest of stylistic display compared against direct content. Enjoyed the straightforward tone from Diode but felt if you are going to go like this you need better insights or critiques etc, it was a bit too much name dropping without expanding or elucidating much perhaps. Kind of the very basics of nihilism, the last line showing the narrator character to be the ultimate pragmatist. Pretty good effort, but the tone was far overshadowed by Adonis' rich language and tangential connections between all the different phrases. The wording with the short staccato sentences and the vivid words was jarring and added to the overall atmosphere of the writing. Message and language were working together to form a great synthesis, it was a new and interesting conception. Voting for Adonis.

03-09-2014, 11:22 PM	#14
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,563 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181112	this was cool, Adonis you had a fun/funny verse with a newer style than usual from what I've seen. Even though it felt lacking in the line lengths it still held the flow, my attention, and best..the entertainment. good shit bro Diode, you had a completely different take and style which was kinda the expected route of anybody competing. the structure and rhyme scheme was solid but didn't quite hold my attention as well as adonis' verse. not bad in the least just different than your opponents. I gotta vote for Adonis this week just because it was more refreshing. dope battle guys keep it up __________________

03-10-2014, 12:51 AM	#15
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932963	Adonis, I don't kniw how you came about the direction you decided to take, but I must say, I came away very impressed. You tapped into what you do best, with your poetic-like touch which was dead on from start to finish. What comes along with that is great description and an essential flow which never slipped. While it may come to many as a piece which lacks any impact, this piece was a very creative take on the topic. Very well done. Diode, you have a natural way of writing, simple approach but well written. Your take on the topic wasn't unique/creative but you put it together well with very little, if none error. I would have to say though, you could have been a bit more creative or more in-depth because your piece seems to lack that kick to draw me in. With that said, I feel Diode missed out on a chance to take this one because Adonis took a sort of weird approach, one which Diode could've capitalized on if he sprinkled somethung more entertaining and fresh. Adonis approach was risky, but he wrote very well, had a unique take and imo, steals this one. MVGT: Adonis. __________________ Vetwork, bitches.

03-10-2014, 01:02 AM	#16
Rawn MD Get MacDon Join Date: Dec 1969 Posts: 2,168 Battle Record: 3-7 Accomplishments - OM HOF Rep Power: 0	adonis - i actully enjoyed ur verse...reminded me of a narcisist whose a no one at heart, and lives in a constant state of bad faith, but knows it and chooses it - bc its simply easier than the alternate. Your adjective choices were dope at points; however sometimes they became redunant, which may have been inentional (im not sure.) Stylistically i liked the set up, and flow was pretty fluent maybe one sylable to many at certain points, but nothing to detrimental. I felt it addressed the topic in an original way, and overall enjoyed your verse. Diode - Your verse was pretty decent as well. I just have a personal difficulty with the logical flow of it, like from the first stanza to the third. I understand what you were doing, but I felt like if u delved deeper, and maybe concentrated more on the concept you presented in your last stanza it would have had a much deeper impact. I did enjoy the name dropping with philosophy, found it intellectually amusing. Another thing that threw me slightly was your tense differentation, and i may b nitpicking, but at first your telling a story, then ur giving advice, and then you bring it back together (or attempt to) It just seemed like there was something missing, or almost scattered at times. If you stuck with the third stanzas theme I think the verse woulda been better as a whole personally. Not bad at all though man. Overall, I got to go with adonis...i enjoyed his wordchoice, approach, and overall cohesiveness more. Felt it to be a little more thought out. Pretty close though. Props to both, Vote - Adonis __________________ FFC>FCC A. bove T. he R. est

03-10-2014, 01:39 AM	#17
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,868 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474192	Adonis - Really liked the set-up to most of your lines, the stanzas are dope with a witty concept. Flowed well, rhymescheme on par throughout. Enjoyed the piece as a whole. Wish I had more to add, but I actually don't. It was a solid showing and I thought the execution was great. Diode - Dope intro, enjoy how the first verse progresses. Flowed well, I've seen better rhymescheme from you tho', but that's only when I compare this to what I've read from you earlier. ''started reading up on nietzsche but his lessons didn't reach me so i turned the page to adams and found sarcasm without meaning'' ^ Really loved this couplet. As you continue on your main characters battle to figure out the meaning of life I get drawn into it because I can somewhat relate to ongoing reading about this and that person. I've read a little bit and Nietzsche is definitely an interesting fella. When I read through your piece I was wondering where you were going with it having the topic in mind. I liked how it ended and understood it as the entire verse is a reply to the quote with your character saying this, and the conclusion/last line is pretty dope and sums it up. Vote - I feel like this could go either way. I liked Adonis' approach and found it entertaining, Diode came with a great showing as well and I enjoyed his concept a little bit more. It's kinda a coinflip to me. Should I vote for the verse I found the most entertaining to read, or the one with a story and a concept I enjoy more when it comes down to it? As I think about it I'm leaning towards the last one here... So, due to that my vote goes to Diode. Dope to see you back in action Adonis! Props to both. __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o

03-10-2014, 02:38 AM	#18
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Adonis Dude is special ed with it. This verse was rambunctious. Good for you for pushing the envelop. Somewhat disturbing. The ode to diode was on some shane McMahon buying wcw shit. Diode Thesis piece here. I thought your laser beam on the board could've been more pin point though. Your writing is like Just Writes in a sense except I think his simple flow may suit his style more. You have a college degree, maybe time for some multies Vote to Adonis __________________ *VETWORK*

03-10-2014, 02:56 AM	#19
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Adonis- i was searching for an answer. I dug the piece more after reading a vote to get the vibe of possibly what you were going for. I was a little confused in how the messages you were delivering were mashed up. I wish I had time to reread. All in all, very creative take on the topic. Diode- i can appreciate the substance in this drop as well as the rhyming devices used. I wasn't too into this but the heart in it was evident. I liked this. Good job. MVGT to Diode for the easier more enjoyable connection to the subject matter. __________________ Ahem.