The little shop of horrors...

[Dove Dozer]

The Little Shop of Horrors

For the moment bells sound a jingle, the door swerves open.
A man at the counter welcomes me, his warm words spoken.
He’s dressed like an eccentric geek, and it’s rather unique.
There was a funny sort of accent that he had to his speech.
The store sold peculiar items; I perceived it as a guise.
That he decorates his shop so it’s pleasing to the eyes.
As I walk the shop, and stop to talk, it hits me like a nightstick
I notice on the wall, chains, whips, and an ice pick.

It’s stuffy in the room, so I had to say, “It’s so hot.”
But I was startled by the sound of an animating robot.
There’s a feeling in the air, like a basement, or an attic.
A retro sort of vibe mixed with mad max havoc.
The shop owner looks weathered, at least now it seems
His haunting masquerade is like a freaks Halloween.
This man is fuckin weird; I believe he would be dead
If he wasn’t behind the counter. But I see his wooden leg.

Nauseous, ready to vomit; It’s nothing to what I’m feeling
As I look up to find… That puppets are on the ceiling.
It’s crazy; this place is laden with secrets as well
A cellar door that opens up and lets me peek into hell
I see the man, as he flips the sign that says, “We’re closed”
You think I was shocked before? This time my head is froze
As I run toward the hidden door, I begin; I’m spittin bile,
I look back at the owner and he grins a wicked smile.

Down the stairs in a panic, I don’t even stop to look.
I ran past a butcher’s locker and the meat is on a hook.
There’s nothing but fear here, even the rats didn’t move.
I sped around a corner, before the last hidden room.
I kick in the door, to find that I’m barely phased but alone,
I stare dazed in a zone at the chairs made of bones.
I roundhouse the morbid furniture; I’ve broken his masterpiece,
And if he takes a single step… close then I’ll smash his teeth,

I’ll take this sick fuck, and choke him, he has to breathe
He gloats and he laughs, a beast, I hope that I’ll grab the keys
That I can see hanging just below the withered beams
Either I’ll escape, or have this creep blown to smithereens.
He takes a wild swing; in his hand is an axe
I dodge it, to land a punch that has him land on his back
I’m not gonna stick around to see who’s winnin this fight,
My main concern is getting out alive and livin my life.

My heart is pounding fast, I grab my chest, geeze it’s hectic.
Would you believe?! Your kidding me, I found a secret exit.
This man’s on the ground, now’s the time I make an escape
I step into the corridor and find some cages and grates,
With prisoners that he tied up, man he stashed a lot
inside the cells. I tried to yell like I swallowed Tabasco sauce
No use, no one could hear, I was deep and under the earth
So I tell this group that I can help “I’ll be needing one of your shirts”

I made a loop, hooked the door, and snapped it off the hinges.
God I’m good, you can’t deny the fact that I’m a ninja.
I let the people free, now we can overrun the demon
We tied him up, escaped the shop, and overcome the heathen.


“...I know the tale was a long one; did I bore you with the caper?
It’s really true, in 79’ the story was in the paper.
It’s time son, to rest. Close your eyes and you sleep.
Say a prayer to forgive me, I’ve done my time and I’m free...”

[Flow]

Sure I read this before on rapmusic boards or something...

[Lars]

Yeah, I remember voting on it, it was against J Keeps over there.

Good lord that was forever ago.

Nice piece.

[Dove Dozer]

yeah Im new here and do not know a soul here. Most likely because you all use different names. Im trying to establish myself as a stronger writer so Im here for the league. thanks for checkin me out fellas, who ever you are lol

[Lars]

- Baron

[Darth Yoda]

It's progressive.

[Dove Dozer]

Thx yoda

[Zen]

Nauseous, ready to vomit; It’s nothing to what I’m feeling
As I look up to find… That puppets are on the ceiling.
It’s crazy; this place is laden with secrets as well
A cellar door that opens up and lets me peek into hell
I see the man, as he flips the sign that says, “We’re closed”
You think I was shocked before? This time my head is froze
As I run toward the hidden door, I begin; I’m spittin bile,
I look back at the owner and he grins a wicked smile
^^Favorite section of this.

You have a nack for creating pretty vivid imagery in your pieces. Nice storyteller as well I'd say you're similar to Witty in terms of your style. All in all this piece gave an eerie feeling and tone throughout lol. Your wording you use is simple but it compliments you well. It sorta paints the picture better I feel. You use basic wording and scheme but end up creating a nice story and imagery so who gives a fuck about scheme!? Haha but forreal this is a nice piece NG. Keep it up.

[Dove Dozer]

Thanks Buddha, This is how my stories usually go. I've been slacking in the league. next week will be on par with this type of shit. so lord help whoever I go up against.

[Mr. J]

This was a nice piece, vivid on the storytelling I enjoy the vibe
you draw it out nicely and have a nice use of wordage
I feel that with a little more time...it would be more cohesive
it's dope all around...I just felt like some parts weren't needed
like it was filler...either way nice drop breh

Down the stairs in a panic, I don’t even stop to look.
I ran past a butcher’s locker and the meat is on a hook.
There’s nothing but fear here, even the rats didn’t move.
I sped around a corner, before the last hidden room.
^^^^^^^^

I just wanted to point out something like that
it doesnt really make sense to have something like that...
well the way you started the verse...I didn't like it...
it felt kind of weird to me, other then that...the piece was dope
but sudden drops in inspiration like that kind of chip away at a nicely written story
nice drop though

[Fig]

This was real nice storytelling. The imagery just flows in. The ending felt a little anticlimactic though, maybe it's just me, I dont enjoy happy endings in stories lol, and I felt like a murderous ending wouldve fit this piece much more.

In any case, this is still some decent writing. good job man