Truly Free

[Xces]

Apprehension in adolescence commonly conflicts
With the catalysts managing passing attentions
We command it addressed .
Like having a hand in imaginative sections
Demands a handle of anti-depressants
Semantics we've stressed compound as lessons pressin'
Teens towards handfuls of adderall to handle their tension
Yet the path of ascension is wet an slick, since.
The focus is on impressions, not where the message is sent
A speck of introspective intellectual wit never dismantles
The inner presence of self, they'd presently dismissed
See, an attempt at interjecting the temptress within
Their nature nurtured to flourish as a sentient sin
Is a battle of leverage against mammoths resist
With two fingers clasped, they ain't giving an inch
Yet a swelling in sense, or a coaxing of higher heights
Can show promise, I'd know, because honestly. I survived.
So when the bottoms the sky in a hole dark as apocalypse shades
Know as long as a hand can reach
An the man stretching to grasp can see a chance at landing on his feet
You can clash against damning defeat an rancorous scenes
Gasp at the breeze an leap for willing hands to catch,
An you can come stand next to me, another man breathing.
In the land of the truly free.

-X

-Thanks to Enigma for showing me this place an coaxing me out of my deep dark novel writing space to pour some more lyrics. Cheers.
I may be around more often who knows ;)

Let me know what you think, just a quick serious toned pen stroke I dropped in about 15 min.

- Fixed formatting for you peoples.

[Xces]

I apologize for format issues. Not used to this site, and haven't written bars in literally over a year.

[Nigma]

I had just started writing feed to the verse and you tell me you fixed formatting, reread verse and now starting feed ALL OVER AGAIN.

It actually does read a bit better this way. Pretty solid in all areas considering your rhyming hiatus, a mighty mistake as you're fighting what made us. Interesting train of thought and a really enjoyable rhyme scheme. Each line was intricate, and you switched it up well throughout. The ending especially stood out to me. You got on a role witht he rhyme scheme, it turned out really well.

Welcome aboard here. This is a pretty dope site with a lot of good writers. Good place to learn a lot and further develop.

[Inno]

the language used was dope man...def had some rhyming going strong...felt smooth
good vibe to it to..felt fast like it had a fast pace to the stroy..or maybe i just read it like that
either way the shit was dope for something so quick...interested to see what you produce with
some more time lol.

good shit, welcome to the site and join http://artofbattling.com/showthread....gn-in-Sign-out

[Geno]

Good vocab.. that's primarily my initial reaction.
Secondly I found a lot of this to be more like a rant of trying to cope with the turmoils of dealing with life and trying to blend in unnoticed, I can relate.. I remember a time when it seemed like all I could do to blend was get high and try to mellow out with the crowd surrounding me. It was til later in life I realized that the land of the free really meant that I could be whoeveer the fuck I wanted and not have to care what the fagot fucks around me thought about me. Its to bad @ the amount of people of really suffer from social anxieties and have to deal with medicating just to program themselves to fit according to the popular ways of the world. I think to truly be free and stand out all you have to do is say fuck the system and find your own way. Fitting in is what they want you to do. Standing out is dangerous.

Stay active

[Zen]

Originally Posted by Genocide

Good vocab.. that's primarily my initial reaction.
Secondly I found a lot of this to be more like a rant of trying to cope with the turmoils of dealing with life and trying to blend in unnoticed, I can relate.. I remember a time when it seemed like all I could do to blend was get high and try to mellow out with the crowd surrounding me. It was til later in life I realized that the land of the free really meant that I could be whoeveer the fuck I wanted and not have to care what the fagot fucks around me thought about me. Its to bad @ the amount of people of really suffer from social anxieties and have to deal with medicating just to program themselves to fit according to the popular ways of the world. I think to truly be free and stand out all you have to do is say fuck the system and find your own way. Fitting in is what they want you to do. Standing out is dangerous.

Stay active

Geno you described how I saw the piece and you speak the truth man. I used to be the exact same throughout high school dropping pills, gettin drunk, smoking weed just to fit in. Basically being a follower of the crowd until one day I just fuck what's 'cool' I'm gonna be my motherfuckin self. I had to quote you on this one to say I just fuckin loved what you said right there man.

Ok sorry bout that lol. Xces as far as the piece goes the first thing I have to say which is what everyone else said and that's that you use excellent vocabulary. Your wordin is original and you have a unique way to say something simple but make it sound elegant. Props on that. As far as content goes I fuckin loved it but I'm guessin you saw what I said about Geno's post so you probably guessed that lol. Keep droppin man and check the AOWL out. I think you'd fare well there.

[Xces]

I greatly appreciate the compliments on vocabulary and the suggestions as to jumping into AWOL is duly noted. I will likely sign on there in a week or two when I have less on my plate in terms of promotional work for upcoming events we're hosting out here.

Geno - I'm glad you took that away from it. I was one of those kids who was told I was "mentally unstable" and handed a whole shit ton of medications that I was forced to take. It wasn't until I by choice stopped taking an faked like I had been taking them, that I really learned who I was and started to grow because of it.
It's an unfortunate reality that our world is like that. What we used to think was just a kid being a kid, is now a disease or disorder. It's disheartening.

Zen - Yea, I was really fucking terrible at writing rhymes for a long time but I have a strong base from writing novels and short stories most of my life. That has really grow my vocabulary and shaped the way I try to paint a picture.

The feedback is appreciated. (I will be around here today and probably write a few things. If I think anything is worth posting I will. lol)

-X