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03-08-2013, 09:07 PM
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#1 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: I live in Florida
Posts: 4,788
Battle Record: 3-8
Rep Power: 55521419     |
Birthday sex ( my own version)
Its your birthday,
I know you ready to have fun. You not the only one, I got what you looking for. When you give it to me I beg for more, I'm loving your reaction. You got passion I knew from day one, I know you love when I kiss on your neck. I been thinking about you, I wanna love you. I could be your Juliet & you can be me Romeo I just wanna make it last forever. |
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03-14-2013, 03:33 PM
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#2 |
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loose leaf bruce lee
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,077
Battle Record: 7-6
Rep Power: 1853216 |
lacking a whole lot of complexity which is why you're probably not getting any feed on this. try adding some mechanics to this piece beyond the elemetary writing style.
my 2 c
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03-14-2013, 05:50 PM
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#3 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: I live in Florida
Posts: 4,788
Battle Record: 3-8
Rep Power: 55521419 |
well I did redo this, thanks away.
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03-14-2013, 06:05 PM
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#4 |
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loose leaf bruce lee
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,077
Battle Record: 7-6
Rep Power: 1853216 |
Wasnt trying to be mean. It was just simple. Id like to peep tge rewrite
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03-14-2013, 06:07 PM
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#5 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: I live in Florida
Posts: 4,788
Battle Record: 3-8
Rep Power: 55521419 |
nope, I understand. Its up coming up soon.
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