bitches drive me crazy and i write shit like this

Just Write · 12-22-2013, 11:44 AM

You used to be my precious... my baby
I'd carress you.
everything you said i believed. But you decieved and betrayed me
I called you my lady, soon after dubbed you my queen
Use to love the way you arched your back up under my sheets
you're dead to me now.
Mine, plus another's kid..? damn that karma suits ya
In our bed with other men practicing kama sutra
At peace with myself, but with you?
Ill go dahmer or kruger
I love u baby, no i dont, your fuckin postures putrid!
Blame it on al- al- al- alcohol, as i suffer through these Thoughts of confusion
And smother the fuck out of love and that imposter cupid
I never was this crazy before, used to be normal as fuck
Now every relationship im in i find it morbidly tough
Forcing my trust, even the smallest detail makes me sort of erupt,
"Im going to the store babe... we need milk, cheerio's, some oranges and nuts"
"This bitch thinks she's playin me?!?! Let me follow this slut"
and if i catch her in some faggots house swollowin nuts
Ima have to get a kitchen knife n' hollow her guts

CopyPat · 12-24-2013, 02:49 AM

hahahaha
good flows, content stayed on topic.. kinda of a played concept, typical girl cheating on u shit, but it was decent. for some reason the karma suits ya and karma sutra seems played to me.. like it was just way too obvious and i saw it coming, for some reason i didn't like that. dahmer or kruger half saved it though. overall this was average. ive seen better from u but i think these was written pretty hastily. it is what it is

Just Write · 12-24-2013, 11:39 AM

Lol you already know @CopyPat just trying to have some fun. And ive never heard that kama sutra line before bitch lol. Ive been writing a short story ill try to post up later, hit me with a link n ill rtf

Exis · 12-26-2013, 06:25 PM

Cats sleepin' on this? Smh.

This is dope...sure the topic is played somewhat but you did your thing with it no doubt, didn't drift off from shit at all and tbh that kuma sutra line was flames and I ain't ever heard it before either lol.This is a solid ass drop bro, your consistent use of multies kept the flow butter thru-out and content wise it's tight...real enjoyable read man.

Stay upwards.

Natural · 12-26-2013, 10:55 PM

This was mechanically(technically) good. It seems like you were just trying to tell the tale without boasting all of you're prowess....which is fine....but it leaves a lot less room for criticism to be honest.
All I can really say is that it did its job and the mechanics behind it are smooth.

I would like to see you really test you're abilities though.
Anyway. Stay scribing.

12-22-2013, 11:44 AM	#1
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	bitches drive me crazy and i write shit like this You used to be my precious... my baby I'd carress you. everything you said i believed. But you decieved and betrayed me I called you my lady, soon after dubbed you my queen Use to love the way you arched your back up under my sheets you're dead to me now. Mine, plus another's kid..? damn that karma suits ya In our bed with other men practicing kama sutra At peace with myself, but with you? Ill go dahmer or kruger I love u baby, no i dont, your fuckin postures putrid! Blame it on al- al- al- alcohol, as i suffer through these Thoughts of confusion And smother the fuck out of love and that imposter cupid I never was this crazy before, used to be normal as fuck Now every relationship im in i find it morbidly tough Forcing my trust, even the smallest detail makes me sort of erupt, "Im going to the store babe... we need milk, cheerio's, some oranges and nuts" "This bitch thinks she's playin me?!?! Let me follow this slut" and if i catch her in some faggots house swollowin nuts Ima have to get a kitchen knife n' hollow her guts __________________

12-24-2013, 02:49 AM	#2
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	hahahaha good flows, content stayed on topic.. kinda of a played concept, typical girl cheating on u shit, but it was decent. for some reason the karma suits ya and karma sutra seems played to me.. like it was just way too obvious and i saw it coming, for some reason i didn't like that. dahmer or kruger half saved it though. overall this was average. ive seen better from u but i think these was written pretty hastily. it is what it is __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

12-24-2013, 11:39 AM	#3
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	Lol you already know @CopyPat just trying to have some fun. And ive never heard that kama sutra line before bitch lol. Ive been writing a short story ill try to post up later, hit me with a link n ill rtf __________________

12-26-2013, 06:25 PM	#4
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Cats sleepin' on this? Smh. This is dope...sure the topic is played somewhat but you did your thing with it no doubt, didn't drift off from shit at all and tbh that kuma sutra line was flames and I ain't ever heard it before either lol.This is a solid ass drop bro, your consistent use of multies kept the flow butter thru-out and content wise it's tight...real enjoyable read man. Stay upwards.

12-26-2013, 10:55 PM	#5
Natural Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 659 Rep Power: 0	This was mechanically(technically) good. It seems like you were just trying to tell the tale without boasting all of you're prowess....which is fine....but it leaves a lot less room for criticism to be honest. All I can really say is that it did its job and the mechanics behind it are smooth. I would like to see you really test you're abilities though. Anyway. Stay scribing.