Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-19-2013, 02:14 AM   #1
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default I'm Your Huckleberry

Short fused bomb lit with a sparkler on the 4th
precinct jedi. a few more bars are harder to force
Close proximity but blown off farther than before
a judicial case with a few extra martyrs support
the God of the lore. tipping the Libras constellation
with a few connections that might see the complication
riddled to wait. too much to chew. a beast with constipation
Tryna compete with moderation. the feat is combo plated
knocking others off balance. the see saws monorailing
too many screws loose to pinpoint the loss in ideas
too late to show up. guest spot on Cocharans IKEA
arguing over molotovs about accomplished mind readers
a Boston sight seer with a pair of kicks strapped with C4
leaving a pair of red socks hanging at apathys door
Singing carols with Mormons cause I dont believe in rappin no more
with a Raven hanging like mistletoe quoting nevermore
the secret of evermore taking a trip through time
with my continuum transfunctioner ready for pivotal minds
riveting right? Thats great surroundings a Michigan life
I'm po' enough taking shots with moonshyne po'n up
With puffy suits on getting heated to catch a potent rush
Keep faith in the bigotry. With the family tree broken up
a cross across my chest. hoping the embers smokes enough
another hit away til the explosions done. the joke is up
The flights arrived the promotions done. elections act
ballots in. nobody cares I suppose we should invest in that
Jack Nicholson on a plane...what's your stance on breast implants?
say it with yo' chest where's yo' Kevin Hart
falling like Owen. a sharpshooter. Hitman art
Painting the canvas with yo' placenta bars
Figuring out the world & what the dimensions are
weighing it all out. Atlas with pretentious thought
A mediocre messiah methodical in a medics arms
operations a go...they been stiller in tropic thunder
business as usual its just the distraught thought I'm un
der
making water out of wine an ocean out of a modeled tundra
topical wonders on skinned knees in sweet embrace
Tryna keep the pace while others like to complete the chase
me...I rather see the issue behind the screen behind the pizza face
with more beef in place...sizzling over the grease..I'm late
sitting on the Giza plains while writers say I need a break
a kit kat in a cheetah race...Jar Jar what makes meezah great
I don't know I think its the need for bait and a zebra gait
blah blah blah HAHAHA too many problems to alleviate
got the key mastered putting it to the gate keepers face
stay puffed marshmellow
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you

Last edited by Mr. J; 11-19-2013 at 12:11 PM.
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2013, 12:46 PM   #2
Zen
Arm the Homeless
 
Zen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 35079722
Zen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant future
Default

This was fuckin ill. Especially the Hart lines, that shit was definitely fuckin sick. All in all, good flow with some excellent wording with the syllable count and what not. Precise. Pretty dope here man. I'd leave better feed but I'm stoned :(

Feed here would be mucho appreciated:

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=33284
Zen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-24-2013, 07:44 PM   #3
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

Ni doubt jeffery
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2013, 12:55 PM   #4
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349682
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

Cancer
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2013, 07:14 AM   #5
Split
.
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,898
Battle Record: 27-22



Rep Power: 85899398
Split has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond repute
Default

STOP SLEEPING OM.


Insane, man, Boston bomber section woke me up. The Mormon section to the puffy suits bit was excellent, as well. Superb wording. HITMAN ART. U like Chance the Rapper? Listen to "Wasting Time- Kids These Days" srs go do it





















Your writing reminds me a bit of Chance's. Unorthodox/ playful rhyme patterns that relay an array of ideas, tropes, and idioms that constitute what could be called "Qwarterz' steez". Having read you on the old Netcees extensively and getting caught up now, while you seem to have loosened up a bit (like your approach) you've gotten technically better in leaps and bounds.


One of the most enjoyable reads in recent memory, keep keyin Q
__________________
http://split8.yolasite.com
Split is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:30 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+