Week 3 - Scripter (1-1) vs. Clutter Buck (0-0) - CLUTTER BUCK WINS 7-0

[Certain]

Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic




Good Luck @Scripter @Clutter Buck

[Clutter Buck]

...Marie’s eyes of amethyst lit up the room,
as our lithe protagonist served visitors food.
Her Clinique perfume desperately clung to the fabric
of each stitch her intrusive bosom was wrapped in.
She took her a napkin and folded the fixtures back
in the function room happening for local Sophisticrats.
Her role was to whisk their platters away, courtesy politely,
and oversee simple matters like keeping surfaces tidy.
The work wasn’t highly paid & meant both her hands were sore
but in turn it provided chance to hone the mask she wore.
As she moped the chateaus halls whilst cleaning incessantly,
her palms going back and forth with ever-increasing intensity,
Marie had a tendency to cleanse everything in her path
as if being hygienic would remedy the blemishes of her past.
So she’d never sit on her hands, considered cleanliness godly,
and swept every inch to help banish the cobwebs in her closet.
Her obsession with polishing grew from denial,
to forget the astonishment of losing her child.
She refused reconcilement, discarded her friends,
choosing to hide it by starting again.
As it grew harder to bear than she’d possibly imagine
she garnered her wares up laconically and vanished.
But the loss of what she’d carried was bound to her memory
it was horrid but she managed to find work out of necessity.
The house of the Beckerstein’s was a family home,
shrouded in evergreen and granting her hope.
Where Marie could look after the both of their children,
bath them and cloth them while holding the siblings.
It gave her total fulfilment in the role of maid she winged,
or so her resilience suggested on the face of things.
Marie became unhinged, growing more lecherous daily,
thinking she could replace the infant she lost with the Beckerstein baby.
The night of the special engagement as those amethyst eyes gleamed,
and while other guests celebrated, she ran up to find... ME!
And so with my cheek pressed to her ear,
We’d creep through the night,
as Marie Celeste disappeared as mysteriously as she had arrived...

[Scripter]

Stuck in a gaze of various impossibilities
while being served pale ale at The Folies
Golden trim in the image bends
what seems to be melancholy
Suzon a bon appétit
but with prudence of folly
a courtesan of the trapeze...
only gentlemen saw the trolly
She kept the Order of Things
like Emmanuels painted bodies
with spatial depth...
impressionism was of real quality
for Manet, you may find a happy story
like some nice apples? no... oranges au contraire?.. oui
each drink served was bitter but all went down sweet
Golden trim denatured wavefront surrounding them in time spent
In the variant of natures spin
discreet with their demagogy
only dreams of a life without care
where she truly lived free

where she truly lived free
only dreams of a life without care
discreet to avoid decree or picture of non monogyny
variant like natures spin of air
Golden rules of affection are reflection of a reflection without time to spare
light footed she stood close as if kissing him... there
beginning to transition in... a position pressing tight against her brazeer
for money you couldn't find a sappier pair
pressing with lasting impression he pared the brazeer
with spatial depth
like a manual a tool to a perfect body presented clear
She kept the order of things
only a gentle man could join the party
she contorts to all sorts non left un-pleased, if ever hardly
but don't consort with those that short her of the lolly
Suzon had a big appetite for the Monet
it's seems she didn't have, but had the doll of a body
Golden trim her knickers thin as if embodied
While being served pale ale, stuck in impossible ways at The Folies

[symetrik]

Clutter Buck:

to forget the astonishment of losing her child.

need I say more? a common storyline, pretty well written, but I didn't even see that coming and knocked the breath out of me.
this is probably the most perfect use of italics I've seen online.
lots of simple rhymes, but it has a cohesive story line and good flow.

Scripter:
really simple rhyme play, I just couldn't get into it.
But I really really loved this line

like some nice apples? no... oranges au contraire?.. oui

Vote: Clutter Buck

[Mr. J]

Clutter, your piece was fluid and had a nice touch to it's storytelling
great storytelling in fact, I got caught up in the piece as soon as I read deeper into it
the rhymes were perfectly written to keep me interested in the story
and it flowed together very nicely, a great drop in my opinion..

Scripter, tbh you came off as unhinged...you didn't seem focused here
you had some nice ideas but didn't execute as thorough as I expected
it seemed like you just wanted to throw something out there...
if you had added a more potent piece by adding more than a few simple lines
you may have given your opponent a battle...


v/Clutter

[Spoken]

Clutter came real clean. you had an idea and a thought of how you wanted to have it executed. though i musty say it was pretty fucking fluid to be honest and shit though. the metaphors in the verse and the story was common but the approach you took and wording made it for a really adverse feel.

scripter you are really elevating to be honest from the open mic cyphers but you need to work on structure and how you wanna go about presenting your verse as we cant hear it... we can only read it so we wouldnt know the stop and go areas pretty much even with the break off style you were trying to push for. the creativity was there and the idea but the content left it slacking as far as protruding the storyline to be of something...anything.

thanks for both dropping but i got clutter

[Just Write]

this seemed pretty one-sided to me, not going to get into it too much but clutter i really hate when people make up words and i don't like that you used sophisticrats.. i think you need a dictionary son. scripter i don't know i f you just keyed this up or was rushed or what but bro, this the awol. gotta bring that shit.

vote=clutter

[NYCSPITZ]

clutterbuck is the clear winner here. Dope story with good progression and cadence. script I wasn't really feeling yours in any aspect, structure was eh and most of it seemed nonsensical which is weird because a few solid lines were in there as well. Maybe focus more when you write? Don't know, keep writing gentlemen.

v/ CB

[Clutter Buck]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23376
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23373
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23372

[Mike Wrecka]

impressive battle.


clutterbuck - my favorite verse of the week that ive read so far. it looked at the picture and said let me create a story around it. which I appreciated. this was one of the tougher pictures to work with and you did an amazing job. see when I read verses in this league I want to be entertained. yes I like mechanics and structure to be advanced, but truth is I want to read a verse that takes me on a journey with a plot and characters and what not. clutter the rhyming here is my style, it reads well when being spoken in a spoken word cadence. that's what I prefer im not gonna sit here and rap these topicals. so ya kudos to you I really liked this piece.

scripter- this was a lot better than other voters are giving you credit for. it had an unusual flow but I caught it and rode it the whole way through no problem. the word choice here was nice. you portrayed a vivid version of the picture and added in some French that I thought gave the verse some flavor. I really enjoyed this piece too tbh. it was beautiful.

overall - both good verses, but clutterbuck was superior. scripter good showing you just ran into a verse that really resonated with me this week. but your verse was good enough to beat some other just not CBs. thanks for the reads guys.

vote = Clutterbuck

[Zen]

Clutter- After seeing your introduction thread in the Discussion, I gotta be honest I figured you would be terrible. So now two things are clear to me: 1) You are a troll. 2) You are a good writer. Excellent piece here. Talking about the protagonist reminded me of A Clockwork Orange as Alex always refers to himself as your humble narrator...But I'm going off topic. This was a great piece and I was very impressed. Good job.
Scripter- I've enjoyed your past two drops so far in this league, but I'm not feeling this one too much man. That being said, you still deserve a breakdown as it's not as bad as the others are making this seem. You have allot of potential man and as someone else said you've progressed allot. Now I would work on your structuring and scheming a little more. You've got talent and can knock some heads. I believe it.

V/Clutter