Bourne Identity - Chapter 1

beegee · 10-01-2013, 11:18 AM

he was born on a cold day, a Kansas City winter
Jackie gave birth to a planetary sinner
the snow storm above must have heightened the change
started off the young god with ice in his veins
John Walter Adams, held the devil in his blue eyes
9 pounds 6 ounces, destiny to choose lives
to take and punish, take names and hunt it
carry out shit that would shake the stomach
advanced at birth, the stars would line up
boy was walking and talking at nine months
running at one and a half, sprinting at two
basics of Chinese, Russian, and Arabic too
pops realized quick, knew those caught pretendin
not regretting stuck him in judo, boxing, an fencing
teachers noticed quick he possessed all the smarts
mathematics an science tested off of the charts
John would just glance, read, and scan sections
soon started flying him out for advanced lessons
stayed focused, never heard him asking for games
didn't want to make friends just practice an train
never repeated errors he learned from mistakes
at 6 they slowly had him workin the weights
it was worth the wait, his body began to respond
but all the fast progress began scare'n his mom
at 8, Jackie said they need to have a sit down
told dad that its time for him to be a kid now
he agreed, and told her your probably right
John overheard an took off that starry night
waited till three, ran for miles an stayed pace'n
till he saw lights a click from the train station
that's where he met Jason, a Vietnam vet
grab'd his hand, pulled him up, saw he was all wet
whats ya name? you quick to jump in the coffin G?
John. an nah my life here had nothin to offer me
he fell asleep to candlelight, woke up to the sun
Jay took him under his wing now the hobo had a son
the train was headed cross country no end in sight
war stories by day, and chess games by night
Jay's compass said their course was due west
4 years later they had traversed the US
taught him how to cook, defend, and side carry
kept him up to date, stole books from libraries
station town to station, they lived off the land
Jay watched John transform from a kid to a man
had him stick to the plan, push hard train daily
his decisions were as sharp as him aim lately
journeymen, the two spent nights in cold rain
taught feel no pain an work knives at close range
new advanced techniques, Jay felt stupid after
his movement faster, soon the student was master
his down-range target shootin was next to blow
perfected his wind reading an breath control
3 second delay, then shit see he uh believer
.405 hit a coffee can from sixteen hundred meters
together they put in work, some long hard days
but soon it came time for them to part ways
shook hands, told him i'll see ya when i see ya
love you like a son, got nothin left to teach ya
the kid walked off, his heart weighing a ton
move'n in a direction that was chase'n the sun

PancakeBrah · 10-01-2013, 11:32 AM

Drop more feed for the amount of verses you're dropping please.

Inno · 10-01-2013, 12:17 PM

I enjoyed reading this.

That was actually a pretty cool progression with your story
.great imagery really dope storytelling all around..maybe put some
More details into his training and why his dad chose that path...other
Than that I have no complaints....if you dp this right it will be dope.

Looking for chapt 2

Sho Money EMG · 10-01-2013, 09:08 PM

This was pretty cool. Kinda basic at the start but gradually gained more interest. Had a good structure and flow, also thought the schemes were cool. Cool topic, stayed on point thuroughly. Not a bad drop, keep em coming.

My fav lines were

new advanced techniques, Jay felt stupid after
his movement faster, soon the student was master
his down-range target shootin was next to blow
perfected his wind reading an breath control
3 second delay, then shit see he uh believer
.405 hit a coffee can from sixteen hundred meters

^^ not bad, stay up

beegee · 10-08-2013, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innovator

I enjoyed reading this.

That was actually a pretty cool progression with your story
.great imagery really dope storytelling all around..maybe put some
More details into his training and why his dad chose that path...other
Than that I have no complaints....if you dp this right it will be dope.

Looking for chapt 2

Thanks again for the feed Inno

10-01-2013, 11:18 AM	#1
beegee Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 32 Rep Power: 0	Bourne Identity - Chapter 1 he was born on a cold day, a Kansas City winter Jackie gave birth to a planetary sinner the snow storm above must have heightened the change started off the young god with ice in his veins John Walter Adams, held the devil in his blue eyes 9 pounds 6 ounces, destiny to choose lives to take and punish, take names and hunt it carry out shit that would shake the stomach advanced at birth, the stars would line up boy was walking and talking at nine months running at one and a half, sprinting at two basics of Chinese, Russian, and Arabic too pops realized quick, knew those caught pretendin not regretting stuck him in judo, boxing, an fencing teachers noticed quick he possessed all the smarts mathematics an science tested off of the charts John would just glance, read, and scan sections soon started flying him out for advanced lessons stayed focused, never heard him asking for games didn't want to make friends just practice an train never repeated errors he learned from mistakes at 6 they slowly had him workin the weights it was worth the wait, his body began to respond but all the fast progress began scare'n his mom at 8, Jackie said they need to have a sit down told dad that its time for him to be a kid now he agreed, and told her your probably right John overheard an took off that starry night waited till three, ran for miles an stayed pace'n till he saw lights a click from the train station that's where he met Jason, a Vietnam vet grab'd his hand, pulled him up, saw he was all wet whats ya name? you quick to jump in the coffin G? John. an nah my life here had nothin to offer me he fell asleep to candlelight, woke up to the sun Jay took him under his wing now the hobo had a son the train was headed cross country no end in sight war stories by day, and chess games by night Jay's compass said their course was due west 4 years later they had traversed the US taught him how to cook, defend, and side carry kept him up to date, stole books from libraries station town to station, they lived off the land Jay watched John transform from a kid to a man had him stick to the plan, push hard train daily his decisions were as sharp as him aim lately journeymen, the two spent nights in cold rain taught feel no pain an work knives at close range new advanced techniques, Jay felt stupid after his movement faster, soon the student was master his down-range target shootin was next to blow perfected his wind reading an breath control 3 second delay, then shit see he uh believer .405 hit a coffee can from sixteen hundred meters together they put in work, some long hard days but soon it came time for them to part ways shook hands, told him i'll see ya when i see ya love you like a son, got nothin left to teach ya the kid walked off, his heart weighing a ton move'n in a direction that was chase'n the sun

10-01-2013, 09:08 PM	#4
Sho Money EMG Senior Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: Zooyork Posts: 2,124 Battle Record: 7-12 Rep Power: 0	This was pretty cool. Kinda basic at the start but gradually gained more interest. Had a good structure and flow, also thought the schemes were cool. Cool topic, stayed on point thuroughly. Not a bad drop, keep em coming. My fav lines were new advanced techniques, Jay felt stupid after his movement faster, soon the student was master his down-range target shootin was next to blow perfected his wind reading an breath control 3 second delay, then shit see he uh believer .405 hit a coffee can from sixteen hundred meters ^^ not bad, stay up __________________ Sho Money \| Camp Bell Team Alpha EMG This site is whack

10-01-2013, 11:32 AM	#2
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Drop more feed for the amount of verses you're dropping please.

10-01-2013, 12:17 PM	#3
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,024 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	I enjoyed reading this. That was actually a pretty cool progression with your story .great imagery really dope storytelling all around..maybe put some More details into his training and why his dad chose that path...other Than that I have no complaints....if you dp this right it will be dope. Looking for chapt 2