late night rhymes, love you guys

Bodey · 09-22-2013, 11:46 PM

my liver is suctioned down by octopus tentacles
blood rivers rupture out, the nauseasness centerfolds
hydroxy cut men will grow but conquers the ten-year old
apoxie sculpts threads of woes and impossible medical
with autopsies from head to toe, copying death in rows
the obvious drug of dose, my hospital-- pen of gold
thoughts dribble from my ears like little sips of beer
stuck in the middle here, torn with committal fears
i stick a pint of rum inside my eyes and run
lickin the white right up; cuz indecisively, it's fun
pry em from the sockets and regurgitate my sight
blinded in the moshpit but this journal page sheds light
i'd go on, let these rhymes intertwine and be
the tightest they can while i smoke the finest tree
but right now its time to watch duck dynasty
so peace out for now, netcees, stay fly for me

Bodey · 09-23-2013, 01:10 AM

bumppp

CopyPat · 09-23-2013, 01:25 AM

haha.. well done. im always impressed a girl can scheme this well lol. u probly don't like hearing that but its just truth. i really don't know wtf u were rhyming about for the most part but i enjoyed the ride?? "finest tree" was original and made me smile. not toooo sure what else to say about this... it was a tad all over the place. being the one who gets the most shit for this take my advice.. although u CAN scheme the fuck outt of things its not always the best route to go. don't be a slave to the rhyme.. u obviously have some thoughts going around ur head... write those down and flow around them, not the opposite... thats what i do, and now everyone hates me. ahah jk but u know what i mean right?
stay up ali, ur good shit

Vulgar · 09-23-2013, 01:50 AM

dis dat fiya

e11even · 09-23-2013, 04:15 AM

Very cool rhyme schemes, but seemingly random content. Though
it was a fun read, it felt empty in places and full of buried emotion in
others. i think i saw a few things on your mind, but i seemed to
come off as a shopping list, so to speak, of subjects and moods...
big jump from the last few joints though. Keep bangin.

09-23-2013, 01:25 AM	#3
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	haha.. well done. im always impressed a girl can scheme this well lol. u probly don't like hearing that but its just truth. i really don't know wtf u were rhyming about for the most part but i enjoyed the ride?? "finest tree" was original and made me smile. not toooo sure what else to say about this... it was a tad all over the place. being the one who gets the most shit for this take my advice.. although u CAN scheme the fuck outt of things its not always the best route to go. don't be a slave to the rhyme.. u obviously have some thoughts going around ur head... write those down and flow around them, not the opposite... thats what i do, and now everyone hates me. ahah jk but u know what i mean right? stay up ali, ur good shit __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

09-23-2013, 04:15 AM	#5
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Very cool rhyme schemes, but seemingly random content. Though it was a fun read, it felt empty in places and full of buried emotion in others. i think i saw a few things on your mind, but i seemed to come off as a shopping list, so to speak, of subjects and moods... big jump from the last few joints though. Keep bangin. __________________ Ahem.

09-23-2013, 01:50 AM	#4
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	dis dat fiya