(track) Badweather- Trouble

Badweather · 09-15-2013, 03:35 PM

https://soundcloud.com/pathos-rain/t...-spooks-mcghie

produced by spooks mcghie...meh

Badweather · 09-15-2013, 03:38 PM

unfinished as far as the hook part goes

Pent uP · 09-15-2013, 04:05 PM

I dont mean to sound pretentious but

I would rewrite the second verse and possibly parts of the first.
The flow in the last stanza was awful with all the pausing and everything. It was a little bit more of a scatter thoughted verse as opposed to the first. Also the second couplet in the very first stanza felt out of place.

Overall I like the concept and a lot of the internal concepts but I feel you shouls use this as a first Draft more than anything. And fix the flow in a few spots

Badweather · 09-15-2013, 04:35 PM

I hear you

Just C · 09-15-2013, 04:48 PM

You got a nice easy on the ears voice for rap. you just need to either A) tighten up your delivery or B) go back to the bars you penned and make some minor adjustments to the syllable counts so you don't sound so rushed and as a result losing the impact in your words. presence is key.

Badweather · 09-15-2013, 09:18 PM

i truly appreciate the feed guys. you're both solidifying the doubts i originally had. good looks

Wise Wiggles · 09-16-2013, 01:12 AM

Dope

Certain · 09-16-2013, 01:14 AM

You're riding the beat too hard for your longer lines.

Badweather · 09-16-2013, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Certain

You're riding the beat too hard for your longer lines.

i don't understand what you mean by that.

Certain · 09-16-2013, 12:32 PM

You're forcing yourself to play catch-up. Either just don't worry about hitting every snare, or shorten your lines so that you don't have to try to rush into them.

09-15-2013, 03:35 PM	#1
Badweather Chillin' like FUCK!!! Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,850 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 0	(track) Badweather- Trouble https://soundcloud.com/pathos-rain/t...-spooks-mcghie produced by spooks mcghie...meh __________________ Chill Phil My rep hand is NOT WAY strong anymore.

09-15-2013, 03:38 PM	#2
Badweather Chillin' like FUCK!!! Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,850 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 0	unfinished as far as the hook part goes __________________ Chill Phil My rep hand is NOT WAY strong anymore.

09-15-2013, 04:35 PM	#4
Badweather Chillin' like FUCK!!! Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,850 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 0	I hear you __________________ Chill Phil My rep hand is NOT WAY strong anymore.

09-15-2013, 09:18 PM	#6
Badweather Chillin' like FUCK!!! Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,850 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 0	i truly appreciate the feed guys. you're both solidifying the doubts i originally had. good looks __________________ Chill Phil My rep hand is NOT WAY strong anymore.

09-16-2013, 01:12 AM	#7
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Dope __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-15-2013, 04:05 PM	#3
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	I dont mean to sound pretentious but I would rewrite the second verse and possibly parts of the first. The flow in the last stanza was awful with all the pausing and everything. It was a little bit more of a scatter thoughted verse as opposed to the first. Also the second couplet in the very first stanza felt out of place. Overall I like the concept and a lot of the internal concepts but I feel you shouls use this as a first Draft more than anything. And fix the flow in a few spots

09-15-2013, 04:48 PM	#5
Just C Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 769 Rep Power: 0	You got a nice easy on the ears voice for rap. you just need to either A) tighten up your delivery or B) go back to the bars you penned and make some minor adjustments to the syllable counts so you don't sound so rushed and as a result losing the impact in your words. presence is key.

09-16-2013, 01:14 AM	#8
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	You're riding the beat too hard for your longer lines. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

09-16-2013, 12:32 PM	#10
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	You're forcing yourself to play catch-up. Either just don't worry about hitting every snare, or shorten your lines so that you don't have to try to rush into them. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.