TTT Semi-Finals: Symetrik vs. Mike Wrecka

[sral]

The Topical Tourney 2024



Due Dates:
Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:



@symetrik @Mike Wrecka

[symetrik]

Cheque cheque 1 2 who the fuck drew that tho lol

[symetrik]

I'm gonna need that extension

[sral]

Extension granted to both competitors if needed.

[symetrik]

https://i.ibb.co/y6tqVs7/IMG-8463.jpg

of seraphim and carnivores

— from sunset ‘til the dawn’s fog appears, Hel’s lost coven was the earthen fiends,
the birds and beasts that had longed to be feared by the drunken hunters who would walk through the trees.
— it was archaic and dark magic, a ballad unknown to those who wouldn’t believe
in the parts of life strongly adhered to, “never roam far ‘til the sun rose and the curse released.”

— to set the scene, these were medieval times, and god-loving beggars and kings alike
felt odd, shoving their brothers aside for a seat by the fire in the middle of night.
— and those that shovelled clod, huffing, then thrust the rods of spears into a ring of pikes
would strive to set the snares that correctly entwined the defensive lines with strings and spikes.

— but some folk chose to fight, for the flock of secular servants standing by sycamore pews
would listen with burdened hearts as the sermon starts with sickening news —
another two dead, heads cleft from necks and bodies wickedly hewed —
and the regular worship quickly drew to a close… leaving only those fervent-hearted and few.

and I’ll be honest, I was starting to lose interest ‘til the blind girl burst through the door.
— ”I am Sera”, said she, this thinly veiled harbinger of times worse than before.
— ”save my children; they’ve been taken below” … she fell and grovelled and cursed on the floor.
those un-heavenly gathered clamoured for weapons, from axes to swords, and thirsted for war.

we left in the night with what we had worn that day and a craving that chewed at our core —
a hunger that mourned when it could not feed yet carried our feet through the moores —
and within four hours, we found them — a sacrifice — the blood in our ears roared
and forced us forward, swords to foe and friendly morsels indiscernible in the gore…

until I wiped the feast from my face, had I not realized what was done,
so afraid of the night’s beasts, we had slain our own cubs.
it was then that I knew: it was us.

[Mike Wrecka]

So Close…..

close but yet so far from achieving my dreams, wanted to experience the bliss that true happiness brings,
had potential energy like leaning back on a swing, but now my placement here has me about to crack at the seams,
I'm unpacking these themes, while wearing black in this scene, it's difficult to breath I'm about to collapse from the heat,
but I have to stay moving and react to the beat, so it’s a good thing that I can practically act in my sleep,
to a full house every night, that’s why Manhattans unique , the allure of Broadway drove me to move and pack up my jeep,
with my contract complete, let me make something clear, I was promised the position of lead puppeteer,
but once the directors cousin all of a sudden up and appeared, he manipulated the situation and then dumped me abruptly HERE ,
so now every chance I get I verbally bash that liar , after he put me in the background controlling a giraffe on fire,
inside this puppet it’s hot I just sweat, pant and perspire, because I've been placed right next to a giant amplifier,
the lead gets to use rods but in my hands are wires, that are so hard to move I can barely stand I’m tired!,
what transpired was I met my agent Sam at a diner, and raised concerns about the performer of the phantoms attire,
I told him I didn't want to be half naked up on stage, after the director told me I’d have nothing but drawers on my legs,
it was manipulation causing a contract dispute for four days, he was just stalling until his cousin got off of his tour dates,
so now here I am miserable, how much more can I take, I’d like to see bruises and welts adorning his face,
wish an accident would happen so I could perform in his place, every day backstage I unleash a swarm of complaints,
then one day in the second act I hear a horrible noise, the lighting rigs crash leaving the set sort of destroyed,
three dead actors and I'm the only one to survive, because my puppets position was way off to the side,
saved by the malice of someone that I often despised, YES! now I have a way off of this unfortunate ride,
so happy and elated they got just what they deserved, but the show can't go on I have to move back to the suburbs,
now it's many years later, time goes by fast, when I tell the other cashiers I used to act, they quietly laugh,
I got exactly what I wanted, but now it's only alive in the past, and not a day goes by that I don't wish I was back inside that giraffe /

[sral]

OPEN FOR VOTES!!!!

[Etherwave]

Symetrik

I really love your story. Besides a few flow issues it's without any major flaws. Two things from me, <the birds and beasts that had longed to be feared by the drunken hunters who would walk through the trees.> I was thrown off by through. I just think it's one too many words to keep the nice flow you had. Maybe something like, "the drunken hunters who haunt(ed) the trees." Or something. But love the way it flows. And also <it was archaic and dark magic> such a beautiful line. I believe taking the and out would've done more justice. But nonetheless, a beautifully written story.

Mike wrecka

This was Great! Coherent. Flows well. An interesting story. Not quite as tidy as your opponent but that doesn't take anything away.

All in all, my only problem, that's not really a problem for me because I don't know anything, lol, is I feel like neither of you really connected with the picture in a way that truly inspired you. That being said

Mvgt symetrik. With neither truly giving much of the topic, all I can go off is which one flowed better, had better vocabulary, and lines that stood out.


May I add, I honestly don't know much about writing other than letting out what my spirit has to say. I have no official education on the subject specifically, so I'm just participating to keep the passion of a dying art alive and hope everyone is happy with their pieces because I think they are all expressions from the universe, and there's no right or wrong answer.

Good Luck Guys!

[symetrik]

Originally Posted by Etherwave

Master rock

MIKE WRECKA YOOOO

[Witty]

This is very hard to call.

Idk who symetrik is but he definitely didn't start doing this yesterday. Your choice of words was intriguing and often surprising, you are a genuinely talented writer. It felt like you got lost in your prose at the start and, as well written as it was, it was difficult to read in terms of 'flow'. This is a topical battle. There are criteria. Not only does it have to address the topic but it HAS TO flow, it HAS TO engage and it HAS TO entertain. Your first 6 lines did none of those, and I wasn't holding out much hope but you seriously picked it up and it got really really dope in the middle bit.

"but some folk chose to fight, for the flock of secular servants standing by sycamore pews
would listen with burdened hearts as the sermon starts with sickening news —
another two dead, heads cleft from necks and bodies wickedly hewed —
and the regular worship quickly drew to a close… leaving only those fervent-hearted and few.

and I’ll be honest, I was starting to lose interest ‘til the blind girl burst through the door.
— ”I am Sera”, said she, this thinly veiled harbinger of times worse than before.
— ”save my children; they’ve been taken below” … she fell and grovelled and cursed on the floor.
those un-heavenly gathered clamoured for weapons, from axes to swords, and thirsted for war."

That was seriously impressive. You are a very talented writer my friend. In regards to this being a topical verse, some elements were missing in some places but your writing blew me away. Thank you.

Mike Wrecka

Yeah this was dope. Everything a topical verse is supposed to be. You had some interesting and unexpected imagery which made this verse very entertaining. It was really good, the perfect example of what a topical verse should be. It just didn't grab hold of me. I think a verse like this needs a very strong final third and this just seemed to fade away without consequence. There wasn't really anything wrong here, I just felt like it needed an ending it never got.

I'm giving this to symetrik but it was very close. Symetrik got it in the end because his ability as a writer really blew me away.

Thank you both.

[Etherwave]

My bad...never happened.

[Objective]

Symetrik - I feel like this quote fits here (paraphrasing): "Live long enough and you'll see yourself become the villain". Loved the imagery you put forward. Only thing I might have enjoyed more personally is either a more discerning intro instead of saying "forget that, here's what comes next" with "to set the scene" after the intro. Idk, that kind of messed with the flow of reading for me although it's FAR and FAR away from being a biggie.

Thought you stayed on topic really well and created a dark af atmosphere and story that fits, the plot in fashion with the abstract image given. The readers flow could be improved by better punctuation as some felt a bit "stretched", or I had to re-read to properly get it, but that's about it. Some interesting internals here and there, great vocab and execution as a whole. Solid showing.

Mike Wrecka - Truly enjoy the scene you're setting, characters and so on. Interesting how you can write an entire piece without names or descriptions, but you know who it is from the way you describe them and what roles they have in the play in front or behind the sceme. Only exception is the agent which is more of a side piece to the story which helps bringing the importance of their relationship together. Like in earlier AOWLs etc. I'm one of the weird punctuation guys, and why is coming up pretty strongly with this sentence in particular:

I'm unpacking these themes, while wearing black in this scene, it's difficult to breath I'm about to collapse from the heat,
^You're unpacking the themes while wearing black in the scene, or is it difficult breathe while wearing black. If so, in terms of the latter point, then why? A period inbetween here would help the reader with that. The flow and multis are dope tho

I defo love the direction it's taking. That the protagonist is an actor in the theater world trying to move up. Didn't make sense, or even register to me, that this could be a way to flip it. Loving that and shows how creative you can be with an image I would have struggled with myself.

The story progression and pace is great, also the introduction to new themes/situations, and what's going on like the epiphany of the theater world they were part of until the accident. Also enjoy how you're dragging the reader in one sentence and everything changes in the next like the directors son being a sociopathic cunt.

That said tho, I loved the concept and progression, but feel like the execution and final progression is at the very least 1-2 levels below what I've usually seen from you in the past. Inconsistencies like in the closure you're a giraffe but earlier in the piece you were wearing all black? Or did the main character get a different role and set to be a giraffe instead? I'm a bit confused with this one.
Concept and all that is dope tho, just fell a bit short vs. a behemoth of a verse Symetrik put up for me this time around. Thanks for the read and work put into what you presented because it was far from bad, just not the usual quality I've seen from you in the past. I was entertained throughout and enjoyed it overall, good shit.

Vote - Symetrik, thought he had a more "complete" verse in terms of polishing, and a more interesting/abstract take on the story. I feel like if Mike Wrecka had put in an hour or two more to edit/polish, focused more on punctuation to make it clearer here and there, reworded some sentencing which I know he's good at and delved deeper on character development and/or worked on it a bit more so it didn't get choppy while reading, he probably would have snapped my vote.

All in all a super dope battle, makes me sad it's soon all over cus I for sure want to read more from both in this type of format (in a topical and competitive environment).

[Master Rock]

I plan on voting for this as well tonight.

[sral]

@Mr. J @Regulator @Candy @Dope girl @Master Rock @White LGI @Witty @xDimand Emreldx

[Master Rock]

Man with this subject matter. I’m not sure how anyone can relate. Unless there’s some kind of wicked dream. And it seems like Mike was gearing towards that and sym gave it more character. It had more intricate detail in regards to bringing more life into the writing, which is why I’m gonna give it to. Sym

[sral]

Symetrik advances!