WEEK TWELVE: DOMINATE (7-2) vs SOULE’ (0-0) DOMINATE WINS 4-0

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK TWELVE

@Dominate @Mike Wrecka

Verse Due: THURSDAY JULY 7TH @ 11:59 PM EST

Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:






GOOD LUCK

[Dominate]

Spooky. Good luck man.

[Soule]

Good luck bruv. Going 60.

[Soule]

"All the things she said, running through my head."
- TaTu


"So, how long have you lived in New Orleans?"

"Well, you see..."

I take a shot of whiskey swiftly while contemplating my 'truth'.
Her emerald eyes hypnotized by my slow burning mystery,
"My heart's been here forever but I come from Baton Rouge."
A sparkle near her pupil tells me she's satisfied and listening,
it's glistening, "I just wanted to move and try something new."
She sips on her tea, gazing endlessly into the whipping sea,
"I'm from New York but always admired the culture and Bayous."
"Yeah, seems it has a way to find you with its rich history..."
She smiles, dipping a silver spoon into her over priced soup.
The trumpet and her motion blends together blissfully.
"Maybe, after we're done here, you can show me the views?"
I wink and grin, accepting her advancement wickedly...

I show her the grave of Anne Rice, her favorite writer,
and it's as if a fire lit as she's passionate about vampires.
"It's so beautiful, the detail in the tombs, like an Empire!"
She wraps her arms around one of mine and admires.
"Watch out for spiders..." I tease as she shrieks playfully,
I continue my dark humor and she consumes it tastefully.
A stick breaks and she hugs me, she jumps so gracefully.

"What else do you have in store for us?"

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see..."

I take her to a Hotel on Main Street where celebrities have stayed,
there's a hesitation in her movements yet a glow on her face.
Part of her senses danger but the other part seems amazed,
it's a shame she's not smart enough to avoid the other's mistakes.
We walk into the room and she's giddy like a girl at a sleepover,
the neon lights around my window draw her in like a moth to the flame.

"You know... this could've been so much easier if you didn't have to be sober."

"What do you mean? Why would that change..."

I grab her throat mid-sentence and squeeze, her touch getting colder,
that glow on her skin quickly begins to fade.
She notices the ghosts weeping, victims of my disorder,
scratching at my fingers but I'm afraid it's too late.
She tries to plead but her windpipe's swollen,
the green in her eyes glazed with bloodshot and gray.
I can see the blood in her throat as her mouth opens.
"Welcome to Louisiana..." I whisper as she drains,
"the voodoo capital and I am forever her slave..."

As the last breath fleets from her chest,
I remove the floorboards and drop her to rest.
Before I cover her tomb with my writing desk,
I read the scripture I carved under the bed...

"All the things she said, running through my head,
the cultist who killed my parents and left me for dead.
She cursed me with disease, voices, visions of dread,
to never love again for if I do... they'll die by my hands."

[Dominate]

She saw him across the bar. His stare was persistant, hard-eyed.
Tall, and lightly muscled. A hint of stubble on a chiselled jawline.
His smile was… disarming. She wasn’t used to that kind of attention.
A little chubby and kinda frumpy looking, she’d never liked her reflection.
And yet he was smiling at her. She smiled back - uncomfortably, thinly.
He sauntered across the room and stood in front of her, grinning.
He spoke. Was it something in Hindi? She hadn’t heard the language in years.
Her parents had never taught it to her (just as her grandmother feared).
“Sorry, I don’t understand,” she mumbled. Her gaze was avoidant.
“I asked you what your name was,” he said, with a trace of annoyance.
“Oh... I’m Sue.” She forced herself to look up from the floorboards.
“Hmm. That can’t be your real name. I bet there’s something that’s short for.”
“I - yes, it’s short for Sujata”. He looked satisfied. “That’s no wonder -
I knew you had to be Indian with that skin tone and bone structure.”
She laughed nervously. He looked her up and down with a bold hunger.
“I’ll get you this drink, Sujata,” he winked, “you can get me your phone number.”
She sipped what he ordered her. Feeling awkward and somewhat uncertain.
He boasted about being in med school, on his way to becoming a surgeon.
“You’d look so sexy in a sari,” he told her, “just utterly perfect.”
He slid a hand around her waist. “I bet you must be a virgin.
That’s why I like Indian girls. Western women are fucking perverted.”
She wasn’t sure how to feel as he delivered this smug little sermon.
It was true, - she had no experience, but it wasn’t like she hadn’t wanted it.
Wasn’t like she didn’t fantasize about her bed having added occupants.
And so, despite her misgivings, and the brashness of his ‘compliments’,
when he asked if she’d go home with him she gladly went along with it.
A short walk later, they arrived at his faded weatherboard.
Red light spilled onto the street as they entered through the heavy door.
He rolled up his sleeves, drew the curtains and snibbed the door locks.
Tattoos of Sanskrit lettering adorned the pale skin of his forearms.
On every inch of the four walls hung Hindu artwork in wooden frames.
The air was thick with incense, and another scent that she couldn’t place…
Her eyes roamed the room, paused on a bronze-tinted effigy.
She recognised the goddess Durga. Ten arms, all holding weaponry.
“Isn’t she beautiful?” he asked, his voice dripping awe and respect.
She thought its expression was horrible, but politely nodded assent.
“You want to see my shrine? I haven’t made today’s offering yet.”
His eyes were alive with excitement, looking almost possessed.
“… sure,” she replied, ever cautious of causing offence.
She followed him to a red door, down the hall to the left.
Producing a key, he unlocked it. She noticed a droplet of sweat.
His voice was a high-pitched whisper, - “OK… go on in ahead.”
She entered the room, and froze. Felt the jolt of shock and distress.
Saw something resembling a woman. Surgically altered – grotesque.
Heard its agonised, faltering breath. The sound of its distressed moans.
Saw the additional brown-skinned limbs, sown, from armpits down to hipbones.
Comprehesion hit home. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest.
Five arms on the creature’s right side… and only three on the left…
She opened her mouth to scream. Felt a rapid, aggressive embrace.
Caught the acrid scent of chemicals as a rag was pressed to her f-

[NYCSPITZ]

This was a dope battle. Sole wrote a lot better than I thought he would, he stepped it up a level from the topical he dropped in open mic…which he had to to have a chance against dom. Certain parts of your dialogue seemed contrived and forced, like people wouldn’t say things that way in normal conversation. As for the whole voodoo concept and killing a woman, thought it was dope.

Interesting that dom took a similar route to sole here. This was a fire verse, I think maybe my favorite dominate verse so far. From the invocation of Indian goddesses to the natural sounding dialogue that brought the villain to life. Thought it was a clever ending and you ended it on a unique note, getting gassed like oh shi-

For the creativity, execution and dialogue I’ll be the teacher today and award dom a gold star and the w

V/dom

[Universe]

Excuse this brief little vote guys, I'm on the go here but wanted to check this out.

Soule, super impressive verse on short notice. Really created an immersive atmosphere and made me feel I was deep in Lousiana. Cool take on the topic... Not really what I would've done but I like the unique approach. I felt technically it was a pretty well put together verse as well, you even mixed up the rhyme scheme here and there to keep us on our toes and make sure we were paying attention lol. Dope.

Good stuff man, and again, I apologize for the brevity of this review. Good to see you here.


Dom, this was my favorite verse from you all season. I LOVED every bit of this. Top to bottom just a masterful display of how to execute a topical to perfection. Clean, crisp, technically flawless with an amazingly twisted story. I have to say that I did guess where this was going in a general sense as soon as Sue was revealed to be an abbreviation of a Hindi name, the whole Indian descent angle and this creepy dude trying to pick her up at the bar... I knew it wouldn't end well... but it didn't take away my enjoyment of it. It actually heightened it because I couldnt wait to get there... and when I did, I was absolutely impressed with how you executed everything.

This is how you write a topical verse, kids. Take notes. Dom is one of the best to do it. If you don't know... now you know.

Vote: Dominate

[Adverse]

Wow this battle was really good. I’m impressed by both verses, also think it’s funny how much they mirrored each other? But with slight little differences I suppose, I know this wasn’t the most immersive picture topic but I feel like you guys did a lot with it.

Soulé - great verse here man, the style took some getting used to as I’m used to every bar rhyming so you rhyming every other bar was different, it definitely read more like poetry. Liked the setting, the imagery you were painting of the ocean and this encounter. Liked how you started dropping some hints when the narrator started claiming the tombstones as “his” I didn’t know Anne Rice was even dead so that kind of flabbergasted me lol the mentions of vampires was a good misdirection and fitting for Louisiana. I liked the way you painted this journey back to the hotel room, however I thought the last little section was clunky and didn’t really understand why a voodoo priest would need dead bodies? Maybe I’m just uneducated on what they actually do? Also thought it was weird the way that he buried his victim in the floorboards of a hotel room. Does he live there? Does he switch hotel rooms every time? Does it matter?

That was my only complaint and it was a nitpick admittedly, maybe just comparing it to Dom’s ending made it pale in comparison? Either way this was a great verse especially on a short notice.

Dom - what in the Hostel/Human Centipede crossover did I just read? Lol this was crazy man. Honestly (don’t hate me for saying this) I thought you might have run out of juice after that crazy run you had to open this season but after seeing this verse I was stupid for even thinking that. Great setting and premise, i think your dialogue bits were superior to your opponent’s because they felt more realistic? Things weren’t said for the sake of rhyming, it all read like a real conversation to me. Think you did a great job dragging out the suspense as well, it all read off like a scary movie and picturing the Cronenberg-esque monstrosity this guy created was kind of gut wrenching even though you didn’t put too much detail into the actual creature but describing the breathing and the surgically altered torso was enough. This was crazy and deserved to be a horror movie in its own right.

All in all this was a great battle, both stepped up big time but I think Dominate stood above all here. I preferred his take because of the better dialogue, I felt like the reason the killer in his story functioned made more sense? And also he did a better job at small things like building tension and just having a smoother read, so all of that considered, I’m giving my vote to Dom he did an amazing job here but Soulé did impress me as well, I think he’s a danger in this league, but that he lost this one fair and square

V/Dom

[dead man]

ill edit a vote in here ASAP

[brokenhal0]

Mvgt - Dominate

Soule you would have got my vote if your wordplay was a bit more complex
and you added some more impactful verses
everything was so smooth your writing technique is on point it just felt a bit
one noted neutral where as dominate engaged the reader on different levels