WEEK THREE: EVICTION (1-0) vs BLUE BAYOU (1-0) EVICTION WINS 3-0

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK THREE

Verse Due: SATURDAY APRIL 9TH @ 11:59PM EST

@Blue Bayou @Eviction


Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311


Topic:



GOOD LUCK

[Eviction]

A palette that resembles blood splatter, so you can see what’s left of me.
Art is my therapy, a painting that's heavenly, gives me that taste of ecstasy,
There’s no need for a prescription, this is the best medicine for stress relief.
My soul bleeds from an addiction, this easel is showing depths of my expertise.
If there’s no more paint left I’ll use my own blood, open flesh, and let them see,
That there’s no love unless you dream, so watch the canvas expose your destiny.
Accepting grief can destroy a man, so you need a place to escape, a haven.
Art can tell a story, or withhold, showing only a piece of what you gave them.
Critics called it a piece of shit or trash, I was brazen because it was a statement,
Staying complacent, erases, creations, no love of art because now you hate it.
Painstaking when the paint faded, I’ll keep a brush in case I get the craving,
Some say it’s craven, I say it’s brave when you escape this abyss you’re caged in.
The art room became a mortuary, where creativity is soon to die, of course, it’s scary,
scrutinized because of thoughts of suicide, and burdens when there’s more to carry.
This horror is a chore to bury, for me, keeping shit bottled up is far from ordinary.
It must’ve stormed every morning I thought that warning would prepare me, barely
Holding it together as the hail comes down and pierces my skin that’s not a rarity.
blood drips on the easel showing the rare scarcity is this a nightmare or a parody.
It's been 10 years since I called it quits, I gave up because no one noticed me.
Accomplishments rendered me hopeless, I could phone it in and quote poetry,
Or go to sleep knowing smoke screens got a hold of me, is this how it’s supposed to be?
I don’t agree with this old scheme, you should be able to control your dreams…
That’s off the table so it seems, you’re blinded by what you hope to achieve, that’s why…
My last piece was left unfinished, something cliché like an angel falling, broken wings.
twisted from the insanity and a hurt soul, I hate to be a turncoat but I burned both.
curtains closed on the term ghost, lessons from the museum where I learned most.
My dying wish is that beautiful art will be created from the ashes the urn holds.
finding a piece of happiness was the first goal now They drive the hearse slow,
through the neighborhood to the funeral home my art was the worst shown,
People sitting in the pews look in disbelief, who's digging the hole where the dirt goes?
A memorial made of skeleton bones, they necromancy instead of letting me lay to rest.
They took “souvenirs”, some were there to spit on my grave, nobody there to pay respect.,
There was this clothing on the statue made of flesh dishonoring the man that satin met.
On the headstone, there was an illegible epitaph, and a design similar to a bayonet.
Karma has a receipt for blatant theft, so after you leave here you might break your neck.
You’ll feel the razor’s edge if you wake the dead, I’ll come back and make you pay the debt.

[Blue Bayou]

Ext sorry. Masters Sunday

[Blue Bayou]

eternity beckons. open your heart and turn the key to left
leave no stone unturned, that's what prevented Jesus's death
always mind your manners, before every please is a yes
how many ingredients? Barcotic said "three" to the chef
this art is chaos, insert multi scheme and design
cut my finger making margaritas bitch I bleed for the lime
pour us a porous drink after throwing salt on the rim
Ad's wife sucks at eating ass, that's throwing salt on the rim
topical story falters yeahh I know I bombed dummies
this da result of a weekend bender and a strong gummy
so there's a tree behind this chick getting pulled to the sky
fitting since i watch more Vox porn & i pull to the Sky
she looks anime an a mayday she's calling it soon
JAMES TONY IM TRYING TO WRITE TO HELL WITH ALL YOUR COLIC & PUKE
why do you write? What made you first say "hand me a pen"?
how many of you dudes show these stories to your family & friends?
and if you do, what feed to you get in return?
i showed my girl, she said WOW you're one heck of a nerd
i responded you just wouldn't get the reference you turd
demanded sex then caressed her breast through her shirt
shit, the story...looks like she's still painting somethin
Bags did a painting once, Kung looked like he ate a bag of pumpkins
Fracs dad flew boats for the navy so I toast to this painting
which illustration do you think was better? I hope you're debating
i think this is bags daughter with a brush in a park
Manic Mikey cutting grass in the background saying stuff to a shark
I hope Sage plows her later in life
& he's even bigger then his father as he's layin the pipe
Fracs dad watches from the window for an hour as usual
The flowers are beautiful; DEVOUR THE SUITABLE

[Universe]

Eviction:

This was good man. Loved the word choices. Cool multi's and schemes... some vivid imagery on display here. Story fell to the wayside, but ultimately I didn't have much of an issue with it. Flow was long winded at points, but for the amount of content you packed into your bars, it's definitely understandable.

You're focus kind of jumped place to place but you were still able to loop in some personal shit and keep it tethered to the picture, letting it stray outwards, yet keeping it semi-relevant. Tough to do, but you did it pretty well.

Overall, just a solid read. Technically proficient with some well thought out concepts mixed in.

"Accepting grief can destroy a man, so you need a place to escape, a haven.
Art can tell a story, or withhold, showing only a piece of what you gave them.
Critics called it a piece of shit or trash, I was brazen because it was a statement,
Staying complacent, erases, creations, no love of art because now you hate it."

- loved this.


Blue Bayou:

Started off well enough but as soon as you mentioned Barcotic I just went ughhhh.... because I knew where this was going. You tried to play it off like you didn't have time but really you just couldn't think of anything passed the first 3 lines.

That's called the topic beating you, Blue.

I mean, you're kind of just clowning the entire idea of writing topicals from that point on and calling everyone nerds which is about as original as "urine over your head" lines... which ironically, you clearly are. I haven't seen you write anything of 'substance' for more than a week or so without reverting back to this kind of stale bs. Which is unfortunate, because somewhere in there you have the ability and the drive to actually write and not to be a complete jackass all the time. But for now, probably best to just go back to where you're safe, my dude.

This ain't for everyone.

Vote: Eviction

[Blue Bayou]

Originally Posted by Universe

Eviction:

This was good man. Loved the word choices. Cool multi's and schemes... some vivid imagery on display here. Story fell to the wayside, but ultimately I didn't have much of an issue with it. Flow was long winded at points, but for the amount of content you packed into your bars, it's definitely understandable.

You're focus kind of jumped place to place but you were still able to loop in some personal shit and keep it tethered to the picture, letting it stray outwards, yet keeping it semi-relevant. Tough to do, but you did it pretty well.

Overall, just a solid read. Technically proficient with some well thought out concepts mixed in.

"Accepting grief can destroy a man, so you need a place to escape, a haven.
Art can tell a story, or withhold, showing only a piece of what you gave them.
Critics called it a piece of shit or trash, I was brazen because it was a statement,
Staying complacent, erases, creations, no love of art because now you hate it."

- loved this.


Blue Bayou:

Started off well enough but as soon as you mentioned Barcotic I just went ughhhh.... because I knew where this was going. You tried to play it off like you didn't have time but really you just couldn't think of anything passed the first 3 lines.

That's called the topic beating you, Blue.

I mean, you're kind of just clowning the entire idea of writing topicals from that point on and calling everyone nerds which is about as original as "urine over your head" lines... which ironically, you clearly are. I haven't seen you write anything of 'substance' for more than a week or so without reverting back to this kind of stale bs. Which is unfortunate, because somewhere in there you have the ability and the drive to actually write and not to be a complete jackass all the time. But for now, probably best to just go back to where you're safe, my dude.

This ain't for everyone.

Vote: Eviction

I didn't call anyone a nerd, my wife did... and I scorned her for it

Don't try and spin that I love the NCGs

[Adverse]

Eviction:
I liked you carrying the rhyme scheme all the way through, that doesn’t necessarily always make the verse better but it’s an impressive feat. The way you wrote here’s reminiscent of the way I used to write. These kind of long winded lines that are bursting at the seams with imagery and detail, I really do like it. Thought this was a good story even though it sort of fell apart at the end in my opinion, there were instances where it bounced around too much for my liking but that’s just in my opinion. Overall this was good could be a little more concise story wise but that’s about it, good drop man looking like you’re in better shape then last season tbh

Blue:
I’m not going to come down on you as hard as Universe did I know this was kind of a last minute drop on your part, I applaud you for getting anything in at all. The thing I will say about meta-verses is if they’re not done in a semi-fresh way then they kind of fall flat, and I think this was too rushed to be able to do anything clever or fresh without it, you just dropped a couple of names and called it good there wasn’t really nothing to it. You’re dope and you’re an asset to this league ultimately everyone has off weeks or weeks they don’t have the time, that’s the reality of it. Thanks for finding a way to drop and for competing, I appreciate that. Hope you have more time this upcoming week

V/Eviction

[Dominate]

This one was kind of a tricky topic as well. The major focus is a girl painting, but you quickly notice a lot of other interesting details that feel like they need to be addressed. Why are there swirling papers around her, some of which are fish shaped? The girl appears to be sitting but also there's no chair. Why? What are the books on the ground about, why are they there? I've thought about this for a couple of minutes and haven't come up with any ideas about what I'd write.


Eviction - pretty good man. A dead character who is/was an artist works well enough for the topic. It's not an amazing take and I still want to know about the swirling fish - maybe your character could have had a water based death? - but like I said I can't think of a much of an angle myself for this pic so don't take that as too much of a criticism. The voice/emotion of the character - kinda sad and maybe a little bitter? - stayed consistent throughout the verse and you bounced around between exploring this feel and revealing little details of the character's life as the piece went on. Rhymes were pretty good - some internal ones as well as holding a scheme over a number of lines. The lines seemed a little too long winded for me, they relied on the density of the multis to hold a rhythm. At points I was too aware that your word choice was informed by your rhyme scheme, but there was nothing really egregious or jarring in that sense. All in all you pulled out a fairly solid piece from a difficult topic. Good job.


Blue - you know you phoned this in and you're not getting anyone's vote, but thanks for showing up with an amusing read instead of just no-showing. Both of the Barc lines were funny in particular. I liked the bit about your wife too. How did she like my round 1 verse by the way? There were a couple of small bits in here that pointed to what you might've done with more time/effort on the verse - "this art is chaos" grabbed my attention. The opening line also. I always enjoy what you write, thanks for the read my man.


V/ Eviction