WEEK THREE: ADONIS (1-1) vs SINACOG (0-1) ADONIS WINS 4-0

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK THREE

Verse Due: SATURDAY APRIL 9TH @ 11:59PM EST

@Sinacog @Adonis

Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:



GOOD LUCK

[Sinacog]

Flowers are beautiful; DEVOUR THE SUITABLE; the hour of mutual//
I'm a splinter cell operative; the sinister; KILLER WHALE: NOXIOUS SPIT//
I'm the opium smoking pizza loving kid; sixteen hugs with pigs//
I SLAUGHTERED 1000 pigs with a butchher knife and machete; hung from the confetti//
I'm opium; invisible smoke; the sword of war//
DOOR TO DOOR: I am the cold of war; sold for more//
WHat is happening!? NOTHING, SOMETHING, NOTHING, SOMETHING//
DEVOUR HUNTSMAN; in the hour of cutting//
OCEANS ARE WHIPPED: FANTASIZE ABOUT KILLER WHALES HAVING SEX/
KILLER WHALES HAVING SEX: I am the oceans' whip//
I am the autmatic machine gun; serene sun//
SERNE SUN OH' SERENE SUN; find me a fucking machine gun//

CHORUS;

I'm a dangerous weapon
Lightsaber of Heaven?//

I am a crow that walks door to door// TROLLING EDGAR ALLAN POE//
The raven pecked at fucking flesh; sucking death//
I am the taste of blood; the race of mud//
A savior's touch is fragrant love//

[Adonis]

Title ~Ticks-Talk~



Hair sunshine blonde, eyes a blueish sea-green
With a couple of freckles to pop those pearly high beams
She’s a Venus fly trap full of hopes and dreams
Captivating iris’s the way she pokes through jeans
She’s adored by many, and yet, even more envy
She’s a tall glass of water that never seems empty
Does it all for the gram, each likes Dope-Amine
Each follows followed by a euphoric soul that gleams
She’s well-read, scrolls Face-book before bed
Her eyes drift while refreshing her views every sec
Her time will pass, but for now, her time-is-lapsed
She’s young and vivacious, but soon, old and crass
Spent hours in poses instead of growth and knowledge
If each photo captures life, then hers is frozen; polished
Every pic more than captivates, it takes a piece of soul with it
I guess she’s a prisoner of time, but photoshop’s not what’s in-store, is it?

The camera picked away at her spirit, but gave her swollen pride
Too bad it also stole her life, cause now…
She’s more than… “Just dead inside”

[Candy]

sin:
i absolutely loved this piece dude not too much to the story but the creativity was out the wazoo.. rhyme structure was off the chain as far as being originals with all your multis and just solid vocab.. all in all pretty cool

ado:
i love that line right there wow:
She’s a tall glass of water that never seems empty
another dope line right there - soo pretty
If each photo captures life, then hers is frozen; polished

umm woowzer what a beautiful story from start to finish it unfolded like a prose should it gives you this soft puffy feel on your lips as a pulse it has that much life in it.. but really it was just how pretty it was that stole the show.. dope vocab and all but yeh it was its prettyness - loved it..

vote = adonis

for story wise gl guys

[Adverse]

Honestly, I feel like Sin’s style isn’t even all that bad. But almost all the the time it’s never on topic, forced multis for the sake of rhyming, and then once a verse has to mention something outlandish like the whole killer whale bit. I don’t know it’s all been said, all been done as far as critique goes. Sinacog at this point is NC’s bearded lady, it all sounds good on paper but then you show up and see it and it’s just kind of sad..think I’ve outgrown the facade you’re putting on here personally

Adonis
Could tell your heart wasn’t in this one. Why would it have to be? Pretty sure you could have copied and pasted a dyson manual with more soul than whatever Sinacog dropped. I like how you found a deeper meaning in the topic though. For many topics what you chose to write about might have been the safe route but feels a little out of the blue on this one. Think it’s a relevant piece about the world we live in and the pressure young women are under especially on social media to put on this big show and be loved. Liked the descriptive language in the first few bars too. Really set up the piece well with the imagery. Good work

Well wasn’t Adonis’s best effort but he easily takes it. As he should have.

V/ Adonis

[Dominate]

Cool topic. I like in @Dank’s votes that he says what he thinks of when he looks at the pic given before critiquing the participants’ takes on it. It’s interesting to read what other people would do. I’m gonna adopt the same technique this week. So for this one, I thought the girl in the pic is being silenced, and the red/white/blue colours made me think of western (US/British/Aus) flags. So maybe I might’ve tried to write something about how it’s seen as unpatriotic and taboo to talk about _____ <— a few choices there. Anyways,


Sin - I’m just gonna assume you’re a deliberate troll and feed your verses as such. Unlike Adverse, I haven’t nearly had my fill of your schtick yet (gigiddy). Maybe I haven’t had to read as many of your verses as him. Or maybe I’m just immature. I had two genuine laugh out loud moments in this verse - “flowers are beautiful; DEVOUR THE SUITABLE” is a top tier Sinacogism, and “CHORUS” absolutely leaned me. Lots of other amusing bits but those were the stand outs. If you ever manage to stumble your way into a champ match via a string of no shows or something it’d be funny if you reverted back to the old AJ the Menace. Just for one battle. Then back to this. Thanks for the lols.

Donny - cool take! Not one I would have thought of but yeah it works. ‘Every picture takes a piece of soul with it’ was a good line that captured the essence of your verse towards the end there. Relatable idea, we all know a person obsessed with their social media presence/image. Maybe someone close to you inspired this. Or maybe someone you’re not so fond of… I liked tall glass of water that’s never empty, follows followed, - really good. Thanks for the read.

V/ Adonis

[Master Rock]

Now Sin was on the fantasy tip and I digged it to a certain extent when I heard it spat over a killer beat...however the whale sex thing killed my vibe...I know to each their own...but man there's probably a fan base for that but not with me..(I guess I not down with shamu busting guts). Don your verse was short and sweet but said so much at the same time...a women captured by the grasp of social media and she doesn't realize that she's prisoner, well executed and greatly done. I got to give this to Don for the depth of the truth that many are dealing with and the skill presented. Sin did well but not enough to cut the Don.