Metamorphosis (March 26th)

Adverse · 03-23-2021, 10:25 AM

I sincerely hope that

All you perverts enjoy the spilling of wretched juices from this forbidden fruit
Onto your decaying teeth, the morals of this world have been removed
Bracing for their comments and looks as I leave behind my youth
You see it as an opportunity, just wait until you find the truth...
The ascent into womanhood is seldom ever smooth and sweet
So before you try and fool me...haven’t you ever seen that movie “Teeth?”
We live in a society so concerned with body image and fraudulence
You speak but they don’t hear unless you got an ass n godly tits
This meat suit was a perfect vessel, now I’m waiting for dismissal
Origins unimportant..whether Ancient pagan rituals or irradiated missiles
I’ve been like a vulture in the nightshade, agent of calamity
Picking them off one by one, the decaying pieces of humanity
Gathering strength for the unveiling, plottin movements so cleverly
The day my true self sheds the skin of this pseudo celebrity
Metamorphosis has begun, extra limbs tear out my back flesh
Jaw unhinges, eyes redden and my skin resembles a black mesh
I’ve become what I was always meant to be..
A succubus, who’ll consume the world without battin’ an eye
Y’all thought I would be easy prey....now just pray I don’t cash you ousside

“The ‘cash me ousside’ girl doesn’t even exist. She’s not a real person.”

Happy 18th, Danielle Bregolli

Universe · 03-25-2021, 03:09 PM

Ha, this was cool. Reminded me of your Greta (beretta) Thunberg piece except you sort of saved the reveal for the end. Seemed kind of jarring at first, like it was a serious type vibe then all of a sudden you realize it is kind of all a joke... but it worked. (I'm still shocked she is only 18 though, wtf lol)

Fav section:

"This meat suit was a perfect vessel, now I’m waiting for dismissal
Origins unimportant..whether Ancient pagan rituals or irradiated missiles
I’ve been like a vulture in the nightshade, agent of calamity
Picking them off one by one, the decaying pieces of humanity
Gathering strength for the unveiling, plottin movements so cleverly
The day my true self sheds the skin of this pseudo celebrity"

- This is top level writing on display here. The entire piece was good, but this part was brilliant.

Is it weird to say you write best from a girl's/woman's perspective? Don't take that as an insult or anything... because it means just the opposite.

Good read. Let's get some more feed for the most selfless dude in here, people.

Mr. J · 03-26-2021, 11:31 PM

Thought this was an interesting piece for the most part
What happened towards the middle kind of threw me off
Almost like when the record skips and messes with the vibe
The smooth & sweet, movie "Teeth?" What is the question for
On the real though the rest of this was on point, different but cool
The use of back flesh made me lol
Keep that pen moving my dude.

Eŋg · 04-05-2021, 09:00 AM

bizarre. that you'd write briefly in the perspective from the distillation of just about everything that's wrong with popular urban youth culture today. i don't even know if the sexualization of her is the worst problem (it certainly is a problem) but instead just another aspect of a more widely pervasive freudian horror no one wants to begin looking at. it's wise to observe causal relations, and how often we're caught up on the symptom where we, at best, prune the very ends of branches totally forgoing the root.

the surface is of little interest, what we are after is the root.

i didn't really enjoy this. the content seemed a bit misguided, it could have been more playful or clever, and i don't think i really vibrated with the core sentiment which my preamble was about, basically. the writing was just ok, if that, so not enough to pique my interest.

not hating, just stating. i don't know what your motive was for writing this was, and i'm alright with that.

03-23-2021, 10:25 AM	#1
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Metamorphosis (March 26th) I sincerely hope that All you perverts enjoy the spilling of wretched juices from this forbidden fruit Onto your decaying teeth, the morals of this world have been removed Bracing for their comments and looks as I leave behind my youth You see it as an opportunity, just wait until you find the truth... The ascent into womanhood is seldom ever smooth and sweet So before you try and fool me...haven’t you ever seen that movie “Teeth?” We live in a society so concerned with body image and fraudulence You speak but they don’t hear unless you got an ass n godly tits This meat suit was a perfect vessel, now I’m waiting for dismissal Origins unimportant..whether Ancient pagan rituals or irradiated missiles I’ve been like a vulture in the nightshade, agent of calamity Picking them off one by one, the decaying pieces of humanity Gathering strength for the unveiling, plottin movements so cleverly The day my true self sheds the skin of this pseudo celebrity Metamorphosis has begun, extra limbs tear out my back flesh Jaw unhinges, eyes redden and my skin resembles a black mesh I’ve become what I was always meant to be.. A succubus, who’ll consume the world without battin’ an eye Y’all thought I would be easy prey....now just pray I don’t cash you ousside *“The ‘cash me ousside’ girl doesn’t even exist. She’s not a real person.”* Happy 18th, Danielle Bregolli Last edited by Adverse; 03-25-2021 at 08:18 PM.

03-25-2021, 03:09 PM	#2
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Ha, this was cool. Reminded me of your Greta (beretta) Thunberg piece except you sort of saved the reveal for the end. Seemed kind of jarring at first, like it was a serious type vibe then all of a sudden you realize it is kind of all a joke... but it worked. (I'm still shocked she is only 18 though, wtf lol) Fav section: "This meat suit was a perfect vessel, now I’m waiting for dismissal Origins unimportant..whether Ancient pagan rituals or irradiated missiles I’ve been like a vulture in the nightshade, agent of calamity Picking them off one by one, the decaying pieces of humanity Gathering strength for the unveiling, plottin movements so cleverly The day my true self sheds the skin of this pseudo celebrity" - This is top level writing on display here. The entire piece was good, but this part was brilliant. Is it weird to say you write best from a girl's/woman's perspective? Don't take that as an insult or anything... because it means just the opposite. Good read. Let's get some more feed for the most selfless dude in here, people. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

03-26-2021, 11:31 PM	#3
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Thought this was an interesting piece for the most part What happened towards the middle kind of threw me off Almost like when the record skips and messes with the vibe The smooth & sweet, movie "Teeth?" What is the question for On the real though the rest of this was on point, different but cool The use of back flesh made me lol Keep that pen moving my dude. __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

04-05-2021, 09:00 AM	#4
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	bizarre. that you'd write briefly in the perspective from the distillation of just about everything that's wrong with popular urban youth culture today. i don't even know if the sexualization of her is the worst problem (it certainly is a problem) but instead just another aspect of a more widely pervasive freudian horror no one wants to begin looking at. it's wise to observe causal relations, and how often we're caught up on the symptom where we, at best, prune the very ends of branches totally forgoing the root. the surface is of little interest, what we are after is the root. i didn't really enjoy this. the content seemed a bit misguided, it could have been more playful or clever, and i don't think i really vibrated with the core sentiment which my preamble was about, basically. the writing was just ok, if that, so not enough to pique my interest. not hating, just stating. i don't know what your motive was for writing this was, and i'm alright with that.