Week 1: Mr. J vs Pharaohs army MR J WINS VIA NS OPEN FOR FEED

Inno · 11-09-2020, 03:53 PM

AOWL Season IX

@Mr. J vs @Pharaohs Army

Verse due: Friday 13th MID Est time

Line min: 10

Max: 50

Check ins: 48 hours after thread post

Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451

Topic:

Mr. J · 11-10-2020, 01:02 PM

Check

Pharaohs Army · 11-11-2020, 01:37 PM

Check gl

Mr. J · 11-13-2020, 12:29 PM

It was I who they found confusion in
Betraying all that's known, disproving them
Spirits high enveloped by the jubilant
Broke new ground by improving them.
Such ability is dangerous, tears congruence amiss
How dare one be so self centered & intuitive
Comparative to the worst of revolutionists
Mistaken for nothing more than a mere illusionist
Life is simpler by not admitting who is which
Being able to follow code rather than renew the script
Luminescent lies shine brighter than truth can get
Why change sights when such proof exists?
Who would dare think it would transmute to this?
The inability to grow, is the ability of conclusiveness
A disability brought forth by elusive sense
Betrayal in light of what changed, views of dissonance
May they collapse upon each other soon...
And their mistakes teach other buffoons
And as those flames rise & breed such aloof
It will be harder for them breathe amongst the room
And as I hang above and watch each of them consumed.
I know they will see what could have been or might be.
Now they know the future shouldn't be taken lightly.

Pharaohs Army · 11-13-2020, 07:41 PM

Extendo Please J will edit into this post

Mr. J · 11-13-2020, 07:58 PM

Go for it

Adverse · 11-15-2020, 01:10 PM

Mr J wins via NS

Show this man some love

Hush · 11-15-2020, 10:54 PM

That was a smooth read brother

Objective · 11-16-2020, 02:49 AM

It was I who they found confusion in
Betraying all that's known, disproving them
Spirits high enveloped by the jubilant
Broke new ground by improving them.
^Your seemingly simplistic straight forward style is always dope af and fresh to read. Good to see you here. Great intro and take on the topic, sucks you got no-showed.

Such ability is dangerous, tears congruence amiss
How dare one be so self centered & intuitive
^Well put together, haha! I don't sense no sarcasm at all!

Life is simpler by not admitting who is which
Being able to follow code rather than renew the script
^Word..!

May they collapse upon each other soon...
And their mistakes teach other buffoons
^That should be humanity's worst fear, sucks how real this is tbh

Great closure too. This was a dope piece. Easy to follow but that's the beauty of it, you use easy to follow language and pack so much meaning behind each sentence it's always a joy to read your verses. Looking forward to see what more you'll cook up in this league, great to see you back and posting! Stay up

MMLP · 11-16-2020, 06:40 AM

ahahaha that pic is mad! This felt like a chance to get rid of some ring rust more than anything
always been a fan of your short line, straight to the point style, easy to get into!
think it would be a good clash of styles if we battled! Loads of light word-association here made it an enjoyable piece for what it was
Keep the pen moving!

Universe · 11-16-2020, 11:32 AM

First of all, thank you for breaking down your vote further... makes sense and much appreciated.

Very cool verse. Your ability to carry a rhyme scheme passed the point most people are able to is impressive. Flow was great too. Just an overall easy read but with a lot of depth...

This was another piece this week that had an odd number of lines though... 23... so weird.

But yeah other than that, good work here. Loved the final bar.

Adverse · 11-16-2020, 04:04 PM

Liked the way you held the flow and rhyme scheme while that doesn’t usually score high for me in a topical piece it was very smoothly done and brought a lot of life to the story liked the pictures you painted and the way you layered your bars. Very good verse you and Pharaoh would have matched up well here

Favorite bit was

Such ability is dangerous, tears congruence amiss
How dare one be so self centered & intuitive
Comparative to the worst of revolutionists
Mistaken for nothing more than a mere illusionist
Life is simpler by not admitting who is which
Being able to follow code rather than renew the script

Concrete · 11-17-2020, 12:29 PM

It's a fine verse imo, reads smoothly with some nice tidbits as well. I get the impression that you wrote this pretty effortlessly while still maintaining quality. Also proving one doesnt need tons of rhymes to make things flow with ease. Looking forward to check more verses from you later.

11-09-2020, 03:53 PM	#1
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Week 1: Mr. J vs Pharaohs army MR J WINS VIA NS OPEN FOR FEED AOWL Season IX @Mr. J vs @Pharaohs Army Verse due: Friday 13th MID Est time Line min: 10 Max: 50 Check ins: 48 hours after thread post Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451 Topic: Last edited by Inno; 11-09-2020 at 04:13 PM.

11-10-2020, 01:02 PM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Check __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

11-13-2020, 12:29 PM	#4
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	It was I who they found confusion in Betraying all that's known, disproving them Spirits high enveloped by the jubilant Broke new ground by improving them. Such ability is dangerous, tears congruence amiss How dare one be so self centered & intuitive Comparative to the worst of revolutionists Mistaken for nothing more than a mere illusionist Life is simpler by not admitting who is which Being able to follow code rather than renew the script Luminescent lies shine brighter than truth can get Why change sights when such proof exists? Who would dare think it would transmute to this? The inability to grow, is the ability of conclusiveness A disability brought forth by elusive sense Betrayal in light of what changed, views of dissonance May they collapse upon each other soon... And their mistakes teach other buffoons And as those flames rise & breed such aloof It will be harder for them breathe amongst the room And as I hang above and watch each of them consumed. I know they will see what could have been or might be. Now they know the future shouldn't be taken lightly. __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

11-13-2020, 07:58 PM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Go for it __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

11-15-2020, 10:54 PM	#8
Hush NJ Devil Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,036 Battle Record: Who Cares Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Rep Power: 84181420	That was a smooth read brother __________________ Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk

11-11-2020, 01:37 PM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Check gl

11-13-2020, 07:41 PM	#5
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Extendo Please J will edit into this post

11-15-2020, 01:10 PM	#7
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Mr J wins via NS Show this man some love

11-16-2020, 02:49 AM	#9
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,868 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474192	It was I who they found confusion in Betraying all that's known, disproving them Spirits high enveloped by the jubilant Broke new ground by improving them. ^Your seemingly simplistic straight forward style is always dope af and fresh to read. Good to see you here. Great intro and take on the topic, sucks you got no-showed. Such ability is dangerous, tears congruence amiss How dare one be so self centered & intuitive ^Well put together, haha! I don't sense no sarcasm at all! Life is simpler by not admitting who is which Being able to follow code rather than renew the script ^Word..! May they collapse upon each other soon... And their mistakes teach other buffoons ^That should be humanity's worst fear, sucks how real this is tbh Great closure too. This was a dope piece. Easy to follow but that's the beauty of it, you use easy to follow language and pack so much meaning behind each sentence it's always a joy to read your verses. Looking forward to see what more you'll cook up in this league, great to see you back and posting! Stay up __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o

11-16-2020, 06:40 AM	#10
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 614 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768091	ahahaha that pic is mad! This felt like a chance to get rid of some ring rust more than anything always been a fan of your short line, straight to the point style, easy to get into! think it would be a good clash of styles if we battled! Loads of light word-association here made it an enjoyable piece for what it was Keep the pen moving!

11-16-2020, 11:32 AM	#11
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	First of all, thank you for breaking down your vote further... makes sense and much appreciated. Very cool verse. Your ability to carry a rhyme scheme passed the point most people are able to is impressive. Flow was great too. Just an overall easy read but with a lot of depth... This was another piece this week that had an odd number of lines though... 23... so weird. But yeah other than that, good work here. Loved the final bar. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

11-16-2020, 04:04 PM	#12
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	Liked the way you held the flow and rhyme scheme while that doesn’t usually score high for me in a topical piece it was very smoothly done and brought a lot of life to the story liked the pictures you painted and the way you layered your bars. Very good verse you and Pharaoh would have matched up well here Favorite bit was Such ability is dangerous, tears congruence amiss How dare one be so self centered & intuitive Comparative to the worst of revolutionists Mistaken for nothing more than a mere illusionist Life is simpler by not admitting who is which Being able to follow code rather than renew the script

11-17-2020, 12:29 PM	#13
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158978	It's a fine verse imo, reads smoothly with some nice tidbits as well. I get the impression that you wrote this pretty effortlessly while still maintaining quality. Also proving one doesnt need tons of rhymes to make things flow with ease. Looking forward to check more verses from you later.