Week 5: Contenders Match: Inno vs Scar SCAR WINS

[Inno]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


@Inno @Scar


Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

Due date: April 24, 2020 MIDNIGHT EST TIME

Topic: This week we have 7 battles so we are doing a 7 deadly sins themed topic this week. You will receive one of the 7 deadly sins. All you have to do is incorporate the sin into your story any way you choose. Think of it as a jumping off point to something broader. Enjoy!

Your topic is : GLUTTONY

GOODLUCK!

[Inno]

Check

[Scar]

check, good luck my man

[Scar]

“Salmon Pie”

The aroma was quite unique.
A pleasing pulse of garlic and lemon spice
That's seeped entirely in low salted butter,
served on arborio rice and greens.
The evening was nice. The gleam in her eyes concede
to a moment in time when he... this awkward guy beseeched her
“There's a great spot on Chatham Drive, best Salmon pie!.” He’s sweet,
as his tie leans slightly to the right. “Its alright” she teased him
A light cough broke the silence. His tired eyes’ revealing
Finishing her last bite, she inquired “Did you finally see him?”
“Inconclusive. I’ve scheduled another check up.” He leaned in “I’ll be ok, ok?”
She smiled.

It was charming, cradled right on the corner of Chatham Drive
“Romantic size table, please” the waiter seat them next to a dancing pyre
‘“that’s quite the decor, my man.” He chuckled. “We’d like couple ‘salmon pies”
She glance outside as light retreats from the ensuing deluge
The view was nice. Details of the day relayed in lieu of the hue
She noticed the sweat, he was nervous. The tics; It was cute
The taste was exquisite. Parsley, spinach and brevity of juice,
lemon flavored, he savored every bit as residuals drips on his collar
She dabbed it lightly. “I got it”
they resumed the usual. Veneziano courtship served with a song of spritz
Hiding callow characteristics behind a curtain of confidence
It was a moment in time served with salmon and herb
Her eyes. His nerves. The pyre, dancing. The night was perfect.

It didn’t taste right tonight. Each bite was hard to take
His face was paler than usual; the beautiful eyes, now, .. a forlorn gaze
“Are you ok?” her candor rallied against the sand of time
“I got your favorite table, babe”
“The romantic size?”
She flashed a smile. Grabbed her wine; it’s lacking in measures
As she hope to recapture one more of that saccharine texture
He laughed as she fret. “Still, always searching the past, hun”
“Oh I’m fine, honey, really, just savoring this last one.”

She continues to savor. three years, since her dearly departed
But he’s here, with every salmon dipped in lemon and garlic
Her only semblance of problem was that taste that had evade her
But she reminds herself often. Still waiting and over-weighting

“J, Can you pick me up some salmon skin rolls .. and Italian Wine?”
“The big bottle?” Asked her friend Jamie
“The romantic size.”

[Diablo]

Nice verse again @Scar.

I’ll drop a vote when Inno has his verse up.

[Inno]

The Devils Plight

Its like moving scriptures
the clouds written pictures
Of the dreams i fracture
they hang from the raptors
As reminders of my failures
throughout my tenure
And it never gets better
out casted as the ultimate sinner
The supreme wicked one, the darkness personified
Deemed a sick son, prettified
I leave faultless pride
Dammed to a deep slum I am pesticide
with a thoughtless stride
A hero to no one,
no favors given and ive never owed one
Shun by the known son
I labor to slip in to his kingdom an soil his gums
So evil he spews…so he can share in my view of things
So when they erect rocks in his honor…they will boo the sphinx
im tired of the heat, I denounce my upside down crucifix
its useless it brought me nothing but trouble im done using it
he chose you over me I told him I thought that was stupid
I said screw this and the next thing I know im getting booted
While the subpar eat from the tree and im left fruitless
You enjoy the roots of his movements while you stay ungrateful
You sin and your forgiven showcasing you are unfaithful
Yet his grace you keep while I race to the deep abyss
As I watch towards the heavens as you scoundrel the gift
A gallery of sins persist.


plotting revenge on the chosen
as I’ll make death the last word spoken
the plan is, gates will open
my army furious and steadily growin
to the happy dam nation
swords will thrust for decapitation
brimstone hailed heavens how ironic of a description
the streets fumigated in blood
while water turns to regurgitated mud
pestilence will engulfs like hurricane
winds with a reverberated thud
and I will rule with an iron fist and a silver tongue
but until that day comes....

Feed the masses one by one
Dripping life as it overflows from their cups
Reaching limits just to find another line to cross
Eating away at their morals for sports
Until I’m the only thing left in the mirrors response
Hoping he’s never forgotten me from the start
Maybe that way I can fill this while I have in in my heart....

[Universe]

Scar - Reading this was like a fine dining experience lol. I suddenly felt more cultured being amongst these words... like a guest at a fancy restaurant they didn't belong in. It felt odd, awkward, a little infuriating... but I was glad to be there. I think what I'm learning from your pieces Scar, is you're all about the aura of a topic... the ambience. You don't go incredibly deep or break new ground, but your style is so unique it is genuinely intoxicating. I'm still waiting to see your other side though... I want to see Scar unfiltered. I feel like we've got Dr. Hannibal Lecter the cook and opera enthusiast... but I'm waiting for the cannibal to show his face. I want to see you step outside of your comfort zone and really GO IN on a topic... but without losing your unique style. I both dislike and love this verse. One side of me says "fuck this high class bullshit"... the other side says... "this is a legit WRITER at work". The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. But I got to say my man... you are one creative dude with a knack for bringing some much needed, old school ART to this league. Your stuff is intriguing and I'm looking forward to seeing what else you can do with a variety of different topics. As far as this verse though, I would say it's not quite up to par with last weeks, but it was still oozing with style, and I appreciated it for all it's beauty and its flaws... its Scars if you will. Good work here overall with the difficult Gluttony topic.


Inno - First thing I noticed was "they hang from the raptors" and I was like uh oh... he didn't even edit this lol. I'm assuming you meant "rafters" not the dinosaurs... But anyway, this was your typical Inno verse laced with double meanings that sometimes resonated on second glance... and sometimes they didn't. I struggled to see where the Gluttony topic came into play for the better part of this verse... couple mentions here and there. (Maybe some shit went over my head ) Wasn't until the last stanza that you really zeroed in on the topic... then it got good.

"plotting revenge on the chosen
as I’ll make death the last word spoken
the plan is, gates will open
my army furious and steadily growin
to the happy dam nation
swords will thrust for decapitation
brimstone hailed heavens how ironic of a description
the streets fumigated in blood
while water turns to regurgitated mud"

This entire section was fire.

So in my mind you have a great 2nd part and an okay 1st part... (also you had multiple spelling errors in the final line again, which sucked to end it off on)... but this a piece that required multiple readings to really grasp everything for me. It was overall another solid piece from you, Inno.

The tough part is the vote. On one hand we have the super atmospheric Scar piece that brings you into his world masterfully... but just skims the surface of things. On the other hand we have a deeper piece that didn't really focus on the topic directly, more through metaphor, and had a poetic feel to it over the very story driven opposition. This is a tough one... I have to read them both again hold on lol...

I'm going with personal preference... and honestly, as much as I like Inno's super poetic metaphorical style, there's just something about Scar's work that I can't put my finger on. There's something there that keeps me glued to the screen. For that reason...

Vote - Scar

Great battle guys.

[Bodey]

Scar- this was a pretty cool read. i liked the image of her eating with a ghost at the end, trying to relive/recreate past times, with the hope of ironically using it as a way to move on. i can see where gluttony comes in the form of indulging a feeling/memory rather than the overeating aspect, which is the first thing i think that comes to most people's minds hearing the word. this was different and i really enjoyed it. the description made it feel like you were actually there

Inno- right off the bat, i thought it was interesting to write from the perspective of the devil himself. definitely saw the gluttonous aspect but it was also intertwined with what i thought was mostly envy. several grammatical errors scattered here and there, which i'm surprised you missed because you've been around for awhile now. but that's okay. definitely liked the 2 last paragraphs as a whole, i noticed that 2nd one was mostly lowercase and i'm not sure if you did that on purpose to make it stand out more than the rest of the piece, which is fine because i thought that was one of the best written parts. i found the end of it cool too, pretty much a dig at this instant-gratification based society we have. the thing is, i feel that this angle has been done many times before, especially bringing in the biblical aspect because after all, it is considered one of the 7 sins.

creativity to me is posting something unexpected, something outside of the box. and i think scar outshined you here doing so. aside from the grammatical hiccups throughout, i still enjoyed your piece for its writing. but i'm giving it to scar here because his drop evoked more emotion for me, and his descriptive imagery was more appealing in my opinion. with that, i'm giving it to scar

v/ scar

[Adverse]

This battle was honestly everything a contenders match should be. A good contrast of styles and two great verses. You both did justice to your topic.

Scar - Very creative topic choice, i liked the way you brought your verse to life by describing the salmon pies (which I've never had but am now craving one after this piece lol) the imagery was there, and as a writer when you can appeal to other senses through description (smell, taste etc) that's just an excellent quality to have as a writer. I felt like i was there, i also like how well disguised your endgame was it didn't really catch me off guard as much as i was just happy with the outcome of it all. It came all together in the end and wrapped up in a nice bow.

Inno - This felt rushed to a certain degree and started off very slow in my eyes, but you picked up a lot of steam as you got deeper into the verse, but this didn't feel like your typical Inno verse. It was just really inconsistent compared to what we're used to seeing. After what you've went through this week with the whole debacle in the champ match, it's understandable.

Going to vote for Scar here, i loved the overall picture he painted and the story he told it was great. Inno just didn't meet his usual standard here had he done so this battle probably would have been better.

V/Scar

[Pharaohs Army]

Alright I'll just say it. I can't get into Scar's verses. It's not a personal thing. I'm sure he's a good guy but I am just not captivated by his style, all the way down to the different fonts and italics. So this woman has nostalgia for the salmon pies, and drinks a lot of wine, remembering a lost love and a special date.

I'm not even a great writer and I wouldn't be offended if someone said it about me. It's just a stylistic thing. He's fancy and simple at the same time, but there's no "there" there, so I guess I'm biased. Probably should have just not voted and taken the punishment, but it's good to have different perspectives and votes sometimes.

But Inno's verse here is not that great either, with a few misspellings and it looks like a rush job, particularly the first stanza. Second stanza is better. I'd really like to see better here. Don't know how well you tied in gluttony, some other sins seemed to be sprinkled about. Eating away at their morals for sports good line.

I'm gonna vote Inno here but I really don't want to vote for either. Sorry if that sounds harsh but just how this one went for me.