405

[big baby]

i have so much to say, and nothings suffice
the honest truth is, i just want to cry
enough violence of my energy marks being assaulted
my silence comes from expecting nothing less than the obvious
misunderstanding. awkwardness. overall shyness.
i acquiesce solely out of exhaustion.
closed captions underneath both of our eyelids
touch my cheek with your hands as i squeeze them as tight
as me clinching onto my blade, cause’ paranoia has taught me to fight
slightly understand the plight of women walking at night
i want to enjoy the things that so many like
tired of looking into your eyes without me inside
of you
i drift off into codependency, where i’m rarely absolved
connected. i disassociate and stare off into space
finding it odd – an atheist when i’m alone in the dark
interrogations with god. asking them who sent you
my disposition to avoid pain has rendered me recluse
my character arc is a biblical miscue
noah memory thoughts. flooded with pairs of ‘i love you’ & ‘miss yous’
we’re barely a speck. a floating rock in oblivion
we’re literally looking for something on the cusp of existence
most of what my therapist says, i think is a trick
when i’m writing in my journal i can feel you touching my wrist
i don’t know if i’m supposed to be thinking like this
my first poem titled:
my last healthy relationship doesn’t exist