A Daughter's Farewell...Part I.

Exis · 05-19-2018, 09:37 AM

Ayo,

Beauty was evident
Digits danced over keys in a movin' musical testament
To her Father that's passed,
A Mother that's grievin'
Cryin' tears on a pillow each evenin'
After losin' her heart in a flash,
The choir sounded so heavenly precious
She sang the chorus angelic
Every orchestra member played their chords to perfection
The Legacy of our veteran's,
Lest we never forget 'em
Rest in piece to who has ever done served to straight up bloody protect us
Lost they life in a second,
Stayed outta sight of all henchmen with weapons close & then got sniped in the treanches
She breaks at the endin'
Emotionally loses the outro,
Takes a deep breath while
Refusin' to doubt all the voices within
While she's consumed in the now zone...

Geno · 05-19-2018, 10:24 AM

This was really dope. I think im picking up in ur format. Syllable count aint always perfect but that never rly matters i guess. Well when i write it does to me personally. I try to craft all my shit around a certain flow and cadence usually. Not always. But udually. Anyway..

This was really good imo

Exis · 05-19-2018, 11:39 AM

Gracia's...I'll throw up Part II in a second, appreciate the looks bro.

ACTIVATE SELF · 05-19-2018, 11:45 AM

"The choir sounded so heavenly precious
She sang the chorus angelic
Every orchestra member played their chords to perfection
The Legacy of our veteran's,
Lest we never forget 'em
Rest in piece to who has ever done served to straight up bloody protect us
Lost they life in a second,
Stayed outta sight of all henchmen with weapons close & then got sniped in the treanches"

^^^dope.

There is a haunting elegance and rhythmic progression to this piece.

Current faggot · 05-19-2018, 12:17 PM

This was on point. I felt the content, my first read I wasn't catching the flow, but it was how I went about reading it, 2nd time around it flowed pperfectly. I really loved this joint

Exis · 05-21-2018, 05:06 AM

:) Flow is subjective in text yes...?

Thank you, I know my structure is shit & outta the norm...Got it.

Yet it makes me different.

Difference should be embraced...not hated on.

05-19-2018, 09:37 AM	#1
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	A Daughter's Farewell...Part I. Ayo, Beauty was evident Digits danced over keys in a movin' musical testament To her Father that's passed, A Mother that's grievin' Cryin' tears on a pillow each evenin' After losin' her heart in a flash, The choir sounded so heavenly precious She sang the chorus angelic Every orchestra member played their chords to perfection The Legacy of our veteran's, Lest we never forget 'em Rest in piece to who has ever done served to straight up bloody protect us Lost they life in a second, Stayed outta sight of all henchmen with weapons close & then got sniped in the treanches She breaks at the endin' Emotionally loses the outro, Takes a deep breath while Refusin' to doubt all the voices within While she's consumed in the now zone...

05-19-2018, 10:24 AM	#2
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	This was really dope. I think im picking up in ur format. Syllable count aint always perfect but that never rly matters i guess. Well when i write it does to me personally. I try to craft all my shit around a certain flow and cadence usually. Not always. But udually. Anyway.. This was really good imo __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

05-19-2018, 11:39 AM	#3
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Gracia's...I'll throw up Part II in a second, appreciate the looks bro.

05-19-2018, 12:17 PM	#5
Current faggot Senior Member Join Date: May 2018 Posts: 233 Rep Power: 0	This was on point. I felt the content, my first read I wasn't catching the flow, but it was how I went about reading it, 2nd time around it flowed pperfectly. I really loved this joint

05-21-2018, 05:06 AM	#6
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	:) Flow is subjective in text yes...? Thank you, I know my structure is shit & outta the norm...Got it. Yet it makes me different. Difference should be embraced...not hated on.