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#1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 783
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
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![]() PART I: Before The Dawn
I was once ... a young fool from the province of Sun Tzu. Born in a brothel, I was raised by prostitutes. Forced into the trade at the tender age of 12. I was raped everyday by sleaziest of males. Like a prisoner in jail I had to sleep inside a cell where I was tortured like a demon in the deepest parts of Hell. In the darkness I would dwell -- as the years started passing and my health began to fail -- from all the sex I was having with those devils 'til a shell started forming 'round my seams and the hatred overwhelmed every fiber of my being. Until a sorceress's spell finally freed me from the fiends that were feasting on my flesh. Yes, she wore a satin veil and the fabric of her dress was imported from Lhasa in the kingdom of Tibet. As esteemed as she seemed I could still see that Death, sought refuge in her eyes and his ch'i never left. What a secret she suppressed. I thought it to myself: "what if she was in a debt ... to a demon or a djinn and she came here to collect?" That's when I heard her breath ... as she whispered to the mistress it was me she would select. Little beads made of sweat ... started streaming down my cheeks as the speed of her steps did increase to the beat that repeated in my chest. As this dream manifested right before my very eyes like a nightmare come to life, but I had nowhere to hide when she stared me in the face, then politely did inquire if tonight would be the night that I would finally like to die. 'Cause the violence that resided inside my curseth tomb Would be silenced if invited inside my perversed room. Thus, I took her at her word and accepted what she offered Then she bit me on the neck, blood drizzled same as water As it trickled down my breasts like a sacrificial alter. Felt the pain and the pleasure. Was it sex or was it slaughter? Was I dead or now her daughter? But instinctively I knew ... the answers to those questions as my aptitude improved ... with every precious second I spent staring at the Moon ... I guess I got the message when she told me to "consume". That's when I left the room ... All I heard were screams of horror. People running towards the doors before I backed them into corners. Blood splattered on the walls. battered corpses on the floor boards. Torture rattled down the halls like a tune that was morbid. Then all I heard was nothing ... Not a sound or a chorus! 'Cause everyone was dead except the child that was born inside that very brothel who was treated like an orphan before she courted Death or fell asleep every morning ... with poison on her breath! 安息以前的我 ![]() PART II: Play Things I awoke... The Moon was calling my "name" and I could still taste the blood as it danced on the tips of my fangs! What a strange dream. At least ... that's what it seemed like. How do I explain? Well... I felt passion in their pain when I drained the plasma from their veins. I gained power in exchange as I devoured their remains. And when I showered and I bathed in their sour taste of rage I felt freedom from the cage ... it was wild and unrestrained. A vicious child without a name, but it was "Death" whom I became! My lovely face remained the same except my eyes had changed to gray. Their honey shade did fade away ... with pleasant thoughts of sunny days. That I kept locked inside a grave. Buried deep to keep them safe. But Darkness crept to find its prey and sink its teeth inside their veins. To suck them dry of pride and grace. And Love did try survive its wake. But Darkness struck with violent shakes 'til Love did die and bind my fate ...to Death forever. Its cold embrace was midnight weather. I longed to taste the warmth of blood between my fangs! I felt not love nor silly hate ... just simply passion when I ate! But my savagery was raised right before the daylight saved lucky bastards from a date. Whom I would capture with my bait. But those that managed to escape ... I kept their scents beneath my nose and sent a whisper in the wind. A gentle kiss upon the skin. The sweetest gift that I could give until I rose from sleep again to hunt the souls of sheepish men who wanted only to pretend that I'd show mercy in the end! "I have no sympathy, my friend. Stop that screaming, you're too tense. I thought you knew this game was fixed? Just shake it loose and raise your chin. I tell you what ... I'll make it quick ... the night is young so why resist? Just close your eyes and bite your lip and Death will come before you flinch." To be continued... ![]() -------------------------------------------------------- PI: A topical battle verse written to the picture. PII: A continuation verse. -------------------------------------------------------- Last edited by ACTIVATE SELF; 12-28-2017 at 11:58 PM. |
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#2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 783
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
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Bump.
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#3 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,709
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599682 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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stories are cool with pictures but the substance is a bit stagnant, pretty good, but i feel your rhymes are extremely separated by syllable and by stanza in which it feels like i have to hurry to either say it, for it to sound decent, or i feel every verse of yours has a similar type of flow to it which bothers me- a tad.
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#4 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 783
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584278 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Duely noted. I've taken your words into consideration for future writings.
Uhmmm as for substance maybe my 'Parables of Man' or 'Her Gnostic Gospel' pieces will be more appealing to you. Maybe. Or maybe not. Lol. Thanks for the read and the feed, BB. It's certainly appreciated. |
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