Thrilla

Certain · 06-19-2016, 01:01 AM

This fucking pugnacious pugilist. Stalking the ring like
he owns the damn place, walking with swinging grace
and moving with fluid nuance. Shaking up the world,
one combo at a time, one dishonorable decline.
Evasive — duck and curl. Tuck and hurl punches
like they’re nothing. Striking something deeper in the fabric
of our emaciated nation. We needed his madness.
We needed his graceful degradations, steeped in a tragic
figure of an unforgettable age. Shaking with rage, to
shaking with the creeping lens of sadness.
The pagan, he waits. Sold his visions to false prophets.
Sold his image to cold profits. Sold his limits to our audience.
Kept us engaged. What more can we ask for?
Our Louisville Slugger, The Greatest, one vainglorious bastard.

PancakeBrah · 06-19-2016, 01:22 AM

The pagan, he waits. Sold his visions to false prophets.
Sold his image to cold profits. Sold his limits to our audience.
Kept us engaged. What more can we ask?

That's that good stuff.

I actually spent some time tonight looking back on my old Open Mics (wew lad, wew) and I can't be sure who I drew more influence from, you or dead man. Your way of writing complete sentences, in correct grammar, with almost poetic (this is probably the wrong word?) line breaks is something I see in my own writing that I didn't have when I first logged on here. It's a style that lends itself to misreading and missed rhymes if you're used to the usual textcee style. It's just prose with a rhyme, broken up at certain, crucial points. Could be wrong. Drunk and bored.

TO THE PIECE! You should pair this with the Derrick Rose verse you did some years back. I adore the first line of this piece. 'This fucking pungacious pugilist.' Although if I had written this I would have left out pugnacious. You're capturing the voice of the wrong of his time in that line, with a wink. While also working the tone you want for this piece. Maybe the first idea is my own reading? Doubt it. You have the worn style of someone who's tired of having to rhyme the first vowel of the previous line with the first vowel of the second. Just make a rhyme, if it's monosyllabic, whatever. I've a point to make, rook. If anything it's refreshing. It's good to see you writing again, even if it's a one off due to circumstance. Thanks for the read!

Mr. J · 06-20-2016, 10:09 PM

This made me Ric Flair

oats · 07-04-2016, 12:00 PM

I've been meaning to get to this, cuz it's dope writing and the content is up my alley. I just finished Ali vs. Inoki, which I feel you may enjoy. anyway.

pugnacious really is the perfect word to start this off, especially since it shares the same latin root as pugilist. but part of why Ali is so fascinating is the line he walked between being adored and reviled throughout his life. but the tone of voice in this captures that dynamic well. must have been epic to witness him in real life.

the metaphor-laden boxing descriptions were cool, definitely like how you played with the rhyme and rhythm, but more importantly it transitioned into the part that really got me:

Quote:

Striking something deeper in the fabric
of our emaciated nation. We needed his madness.
We needed his graceful degradations, steeped in a tragic
figure of an unforgettable age. Shaking with rage, to
shaking with the creeping lens of sadness.
The pagan, he waits. Sold his visions to false prophets.
Sold his image to cold profits. Sold his limits to our audience.

that's it. that's basically everything that makes him so fascinating. I love the slickness of that first line, the undefined edges of the phrase "something deeper" and the word emaciated made it really evocative. from then to "limits to our audience" was just excellent rhyming and cadence without compromising the language. I think one of your greatest strengths is your ability to lead us in the direction you want, without dictating the destination. that's not easy to do, but you command subtlety perfectly in this. the emotion exists in the subtext, and even though it's undeniably present it never bleeds into hero worship or sentimentality.

this was great, maybe the best verse of yours I've read, but easily my favorite.

Otto Peighlaught · 07-04-2016, 03:49 PM

Alluding to no one necessarily, but describing so many people at once. Masterful. At first I kept trying to input a boxer into the descriptor. Due to his recent passing I went Ali. No. Doesnt describe him at all. Then Tyson. Maybe? Probably not. Towards the end I said, maybe someone more recent, more relevant such as McGregor? Upon a reread I realized, does it matter? Does the pugilist have to be a pugilist, or can he just be vainglorious? Can his ring be an octagon? Can it be performance stage? The writing, though specific, allowed a multitude of ideas to flourish and be connected. Something to truly take in. I appreciated that. Thank you.

Certain · 07-09-2016, 05:43 PM

It was definitely about Muhammad Ali. Thank you, though.

Zen · 07-09-2016, 05:49 PM

The entire second half of this was great. It's been awhile since I've read anything from you so I had forgotten how meticulous your writing is, especially when it comes to your wording. I liked it.

PancakeBrah · 07-09-2016, 05:53 PM

Was this about Floyd Mayweather Senior?

Certain · 07-12-2016, 02:56 PM

Timothy Bradley.

Witty · 07-12-2016, 08:51 PM

Yeah this was nice. Not how you usually write, unless I've missed something...I thought you brought a different side to your abilities here. It was pure imagery, I like to be dragged within a piece, seeing and feeling the story being told, and this did that for me. Cool piece.

Witty · 07-12-2016, 08:52 PM

Also, anybody who can't tell who this is about just from the title needs to take a long walk off a short cliff.

CopyPat · 07-13-2016, 12:42 PM

i like that it was about lennox lewis, woulda been better if it was about manny pacman

u poetic fuck

nice poem

this woulda been better if it was longer i think. still good though

you're a good writer.

terrible editor but good writer

i'm about to namedrop you bruh

UnbornBuddha · 07-17-2016, 12:35 AM

You started very climatically out the gate, full swing (no pun intended). The title of the piece had already conjured to me your aim. As one comes to expect with a Certain piece it is very meticulously crafted. You began detailing his athletic prowess and then going to allegorically using his boxing, the punching and the striking, as the pivot toward his life at large. He was a very prolific figure in the fight against human and racial oppression. That said I found some of the latter part of the piece kind of minuscule in terms of meat.
I also didn't understand the pagan part, but perhaps that is my own fault.
Stylistically I didn't like the repetitive sold part, ironically it felt a bit too oversold. I like the ending it meshed with the beginning.
The rhythm never faltered, albeit it felt more along the lines of a poetic work. The format just seems off-kiltered to be considered hip hop still, but that's just my opinion.

Thanks for the read.

06-19-2016, 01:01 AM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Thrilla This fucking pugnacious pugilist. Stalking the ring like he owns the damn place, walking with swinging grace and moving with fluid nuance. Shaking up the world, one combo at a time, one dishonorable decline. Evasive — duck and curl. Tuck and hurl punches like they’re nothing. Striking something deeper in the fabric of our emaciated nation. We needed his madness. We needed his graceful degradations, steeped in a tragic figure of an unforgettable age. Shaking with rage, to shaking with the creeping lens of sadness. The pagan, he waits. Sold his visions to false prophets. Sold his image to cold profits. Sold his limits to our audience. Kept us engaged. What more can we ask for? Our Louisville Slugger, The Greatest, one vainglorious bastard. Last edited by Certain; 07-04-2016 at 08:51 PM.

06-19-2016, 01:22 AM	#2
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	The pagan, he waits. Sold his visions to false prophets. Sold his image to cold profits. Sold his limits to our audience. Kept us engaged. What more can we ask? That's that good stuff. I actually spent some time tonight looking back on my old Open Mics (wew lad, wew) and I can't be sure who I drew more influence from, you or dead man. Your way of writing complete sentences, in correct grammar, with almost poetic (this is probably the wrong word?) line breaks is something I see in my own writing that I didn't have when I first logged on here. It's a style that lends itself to misreading and missed rhymes if you're used to the usual textcee style. It's just prose with a rhyme, broken up at certain, crucial points. Could be wrong. Drunk and bored. TO THE PIECE! You should pair this with the Derrick Rose verse you did some years back. I adore the first line of this piece. 'This fucking pungacious pugilist.' Although if I had written this I would have left out pugnacious. You're capturing the voice of the wrong of his time in that line, with a wink. While also working the tone you want for this piece. Maybe the first idea is my own reading? Doubt it. You have the worn style of someone who's tired of having to rhyme the first vowel of the previous line with the first vowel of the second. Just make a rhyme, if it's monosyllabic, whatever. I've a point to make, rook. If anything it's refreshing. It's good to see you writing again, even if it's a one off due to circumstance. Thanks for the read! __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

06-20-2016, 10:09 PM	#3
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	This made me Ric Flair __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

07-09-2016, 05:43 PM	#6
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	It was definitely about Muhammad Ali. Thank you, though. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

07-09-2016, 05:53 PM	#8
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Was this about Floyd Mayweather Senior? __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

07-04-2016, 03:49 PM	#5
Otto Peighlaught Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Posts: 17 Rep Power: 3436003	Alluding to no one necessarily, but describing so many people at once. Masterful. At first I kept trying to input a boxer into the descriptor. Due to his recent passing I went Ali. No. Doesnt describe him at all. Then Tyson. Maybe? Probably not. Towards the end I said, maybe someone more recent, more relevant such as McGregor? Upon a reread I realized, does it matter? Does the pugilist have to be a pugilist, or can he just be vainglorious? Can his ring be an octagon? Can it be performance stage? The writing, though specific, allowed a multitude of ideas to flourish and be connected. Something to truly take in. I appreciated that. Thank you.

07-09-2016, 05:49 PM	#7
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	The entire second half of this was great. It's been awhile since I've read anything from you so I had forgotten how meticulous your writing is, especially when it comes to your wording. I liked it.

07-12-2016, 02:56 PM	#9
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Timothy Bradley. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

07-12-2016, 08:51 PM	#10
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	Yeah this was nice. Not how you usually write, unless I've missed something...I thought you brought a different side to your abilities here. It was pure imagery, I like to be dragged within a piece, seeing and feeling the story being told, and this did that for me. Cool piece. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

07-12-2016, 08:52 PM	#11
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,978 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 85235118	Also, anybody who can't tell who this is about just from the title needs to take a long walk off a short cliff. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

07-13-2016, 12:42 PM	#12
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	i like that it was about lennox lewis, woulda been better if it was about manny pacman u poetic fuck nice poem this woulda been better if it was longer i think. still good though you're a good writer. terrible editor but good writer i'm about to namedrop you bruh __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

07-17-2016, 12:35 AM	#13
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	You started very climatically out the gate, full swing (no pun intended). The title of the piece had already conjured to me your aim. As one comes to expect with a Certain piece it is very meticulously crafted. You began detailing his athletic prowess and then going to allegorically using his boxing, the punching and the striking, as the pivot toward his life at large. He was a very prolific figure in the fight against human and racial oppression. That said I found some of the latter part of the piece kind of minuscule in terms of meat. I also didn't understand the pagan part, but perhaps that is my own fault. Stylistically I didn't like the repetitive sold part, ironically it felt a bit too oversold. I like the ending it meshed with the beginning. The rhythm never faltered, albeit it felt more along the lines of a poetic work. The format just seems off-kiltered to be considered hip hop still, but that's just my opinion. Thanks for the read.