Gangster Squad (AOWL no-show verse)

[Artifice]

as a youth i looked up to the dudes who ran the streets
the hero who led the crew, dreamt that one day too that man was me
grew into a teen & pretty soon started to live the dream
chilled with fiends, dropouts & goons, wasn't hard to enlist a team
a collection of misfits, stitch together an eclectic lot
sick minds with wretched thoughts kept in line to protect the block
we ran all the slums, streets littered with alcholic bums
kept the halls free from scum with threats of shots from tommy guns
became a daily shake of dice & drinkin' in the parking lot
a routine leadin' to corruption & once started really hard to stop
out of tune with my manouvres, my views disillusioned
i made the stupidest move & tried to control dope distribution
we caught a guy in a feathered fedora & velvet coat
on our turf tryin' to peddle dope to Joseph... that's Kevin's little bro
we approached him fast, both me & Kevin grabbed his neck
dragged him out back and the two of us each beat him half to death
a few days later we were paid a visit by his associates
it was then i knew to start praying for we were in some holy shit
they arranged us into cars & drove us out to hollywood
a place of fame & stardom, streets of gold you know where all is good
except it wasn't, for these men worked for Frank Knots
who was the top dog... above him was nothin' but blank spots
in a garage with two dudes rockin' suits on top of tank tops
who put their barrels to Kevin's head & then they both sank shots
had me watch him die hogtied, maimed & pistol whipped
said this is the life you wanted right well let's see if you live through it
wall of defense demo'd to rubble, my crew's been snuffed
guess a leader I'm far from bein'... more like a little two-bit punk
best laid plans shot to hell, turned to ash, covered in pitch
thought I was the man on my block but goddamn I plummeted quick
my pain stains the streets & my bloodshed paints the lawns
cuz that's what happens when you go to war with a real gangster squad


any feedback is appreciated.

[asylum]

Damn bro too bad you got noshowed, this piece is fire.

[MMLP]

first part: I really like your style tbf, its fast paced rhyming n story telling , flow was maintained, I'd prefer more internal multies but I understand that's hard to perfect.

But sticking to the topic throughout is key imo and that's what you've done here!

second part: your rhyming pace slowed down a lot. I believe at this point, you were dedicated to the story, so I understand it completely...

ending fell a bit flat if im honest but overall, I enjoyed the read man, good work!


I can only picture a reservoir dogs scene when reading this lol

[Mr. J]

lold at the tags...


anyway I thought this was a pree cool piece upon street work
the flow was pretty nice your inners & multis were impressive dawg
my first impressions are based on the way the plot seemed perfect
you blend in some smooth rhyming with an intrepid draw...
IE starting to pray because of some holy shit...
that was kind of weird but lol worthy
hollywood/all is good felt off but I rolled with it.
halls free from scum came off too wordy.
otherwise you spin a cool story with your characters brah
this would have been an interesting battle though.
nice work...