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BigSoundz · 02-28-2016, 12:54 AM

Poopy doopy

Mr. J · 03-01-2016, 12:09 PM

I tried to act interested in this piece but it was quite hard.
you have confidence which is honorable & if this was keyd...cool
but I feel if you want to make a impact you should write more than what is presented
the fact that you said cheddar cheese made me shake my head
I know what you are going for but that just seems like an awful simile
the rhymes were simplistic...Like I said though you have confidence, it may take you far...
keep working at it...theres a cypher section at the top of the page feel free to let your thoughts run free
but drop something more appetizing when creating another thread...k

Detriment · 03-07-2016, 05:46 PM

I agree with him and not all at the same time. You should alway's put off a big vibe of confidence so that part you have down. The rhyme's, not sure if I'd call them basic but also not necessarily complex, somewhere in the middle but sufficient enough. My main problem with this and where I agree with him is, it's waaaaaaaay too short and really should have either been elaborated on before posting or posted in the cypher section as some sort of exercise.

Alice White · 03-07-2016, 06:05 PM

I partially agree with the feed which is already given.
I thought that your initial complex of a flex type of piece was nice, but this seemed rather random and quite short to really have some sort of substance. The scheme you employed was quite decent, though, would be good to see some enhancement of it in terms of having a thorough emphasis on internals and multis. I don't find the rhymes overly basic, tough, it's just more of a rather vague slant rhyming approach, imo.

02-28-2016, 12:54 AM	#1
BigSoundz Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2016 Posts: 5 Rep Power: 0	Free Poopy doopy Last edited by BigSoundz; 08-23-2021 at 11:46 PM.

03-01-2016, 12:09 PM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	I tried to act interested in this piece but it was quite hard. you have confidence which is honorable & if this was keyd...cool but I feel if you want to make a impact you should write more than what is presented the fact that you said cheddar cheese made me shake my head I know what you are going for but that just seems like an awful simile the rhymes were simplistic...Like I said though you have confidence, it may take you far... keep working at it...theres a cypher section at the top of the page feel free to let your thoughts run free but drop something more appetizing when creating another thread...k __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

03-07-2016, 06:05 PM	#4
Alice White Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 72 Rep Power: 0	I partially agree with the feed which is already given. I thought that your initial complex of a flex type of piece was nice, but this seemed rather random and quite short to really have some sort of substance. The scheme you employed was quite decent, though, would be good to see some enhancement of it in terms of having a thorough emphasis on internals and multis. I don't find the rhymes overly basic, tough, it's just more of a rather vague slant rhyming approach, imo. __________________ https://theprincesstroll.wordpress.com

03-07-2016, 05:46 PM	#3
Detriment Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2016 Posts: 27 Rep Power: 0	I agree with him and not all at the same time. You should alway's put off a big vibe of confidence so that part you have down. The rhyme's, not sure if I'd call them basic but also not necessarily complex, somewhere in the middle but sufficient enough. My main problem with this and where I agree with him is, it's waaaaaaaay too short and really should have either been elaborated on before posting or posted in the cypher section as some sort of exercise.