.:: Kafkaesque ::.

Objective · 01-18-2016, 05:10 AM

The twenties I got is all fours with potluck on the block,
shouldn't come as a shock I'm considered incredibly hot
although I'm certainly not as I blend in with the lot like Emily Scott.
No battles but I'm king of the plot if you'd give me a shot
and let the bulge on my crotch speak for the size of my cock.
I hear tick tock at the mention of glocks, bitch; I fish at the docks
and rap to have something in common with jocks. (Subtleties my art)
Ninja please...
That's what butter is for a start picturing the beats of my heart,
thin as a dart arrow yet narrow enough to be thick headed and smart.
I made friendly fire a chart then the percentage went up, the moment it stops
you realize you can't pay rent with props yet I blame it on pops
and exercise by running from cops - a stunning experience I suddenly dropped,
I never keep receipts to mask the guilt from the shit that I shopped.
If it actually chopped bills with cheap thrills I'd look down from the top.
Now I'm deep in the job, it surfaces as I take advantage of social services,
but truth is I hide that fact well due to severe anxiety and nervousness.
That's what a burden is: when you can't admit to yourself you need serious help
and say you got a creative outlet but all you do is writing reviews for yelp.
I'm a fish in the tank with Phelps and it's probably the last place to cross stitch,
always up to no good: I have fantasies about having sex during moshpits.
On this dry wash shit at the side of my office I'm procrastinating on Tosh skits,
just don't tell my boss this as I'm honest unless I brag about motorboating that girls posh tits.
Like a forum post novice I practice social norms at a local hospice with boring forms,
it's just another journey through dorms for old nerds that feel the need to perform.
You love the heat and I'm sure that it warms but your karma's going down now,
all because I got pissed at my messed up eyebrow
and other atrocities as luck doesn't come in trees or bottled properties,
it sure sucks when Kafka's stories is your personal prophecies...

Darius Da Terrible · 01-18-2016, 04:42 PM

That's what a burden is: when you can't admit to yourself you need serious help
and say you got a creative outlet but all you do is writing reviews for yelp.

That line hit very introspective yet stream on consciousness type stuff. Very deep at points. Would love to hear this delivered via audio.

On this dry wash shit at the side of my office I'm procrastinating on Tosh skits,
just don't tell my boss this as I'm honest unless I brag about motorboating that girls posh tits.

I like the flow of this one and the multi syllables hit perfect for me

lines like

No battles but I'm king of the plot if you'd give me a shot
and let the bulge on my crotch speak for the size of my cock.

came off like filler to me at points like you just tryna to get to the next rhyme. Other than that dope shit. stay up

Pharaohs Army · 02-05-2016, 01:57 AM

lmao record this plz.
some funny ass lines in here and good multis
Ninja please...

Mr. J · 03-01-2016, 12:34 PM

This was pretty cool to say the least, after you got over that opening scheme I started enjoying it
that social services/nervousness line was slick as penguins feet bruh, I feel like you littered this with some humorous lines
some vivid imagery here with some great references here & there...I may come back to this...Im kind of burned out reading other peoples stuff now....

Geno · 03-02-2016, 04:19 PM

Swaggy. Schemes got a lot better since i read from you. Good shit old boy

Detriment · 03-10-2016, 05:06 PM

That's what a burden is: when you can't admit to yourself you need serious help
and say you got a creative outlet but all you do is writing reviews for yelp.
^ I liked that.

I'm not a big fan of the hot, plot, cop, shock, scheme you got going on but I do like that you using internals and multi's, good practice. Not bad but overall not my cup of tea. :-)

01-18-2016, 05:10 AM	#1
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,868 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474192	.:: Kafkaesque ::. The twenties I got is all fours with potluck on the block, shouldn't come as a shock I'm considered incredibly hot although I'm certainly not as I blend in with the lot like Emily Scott. No battles but I'm king of the plot if you'd give me a shot and let the bulge on my crotch speak for the size of my cock. I hear tick tock at the mention of glocks, bitch; I fish at the docks and rap to have something in common with jocks. (Subtleties my art) Ninja please... That's what butter is for a start picturing the beats of my heart, thin as a dart arrow yet narrow enough to be thick headed and smart. I made friendly fire a chart then the percentage went up, the moment it stops you realize you can't pay rent with props yet I blame it on pops and exercise by running from cops - a stunning experience I suddenly dropped, I never keep receipts to mask the guilt from the shit that I shopped. If it actually chopped bills with cheap thrills I'd look down from the top. Now I'm deep in the job, it surfaces as I take advantage of social services, but truth is I hide that fact well due to severe anxiety and nervousness. That's what a burden is: when you can't admit to yourself you need serious help and say you got a creative outlet but all you do is writing reviews for yelp. I'm a fish in the tank with Phelps and it's probably the last place to cross stitch, always up to no good: I have fantasies about having sex during moshpits. On this dry wash shit at the side of my office I'm procrastinating on Tosh skits, just don't tell my boss this as I'm honest unless I brag about motorboating that girls posh tits. Like a forum post novice I practice social norms at a local hospice with boring forms, it's just another journey through dorms for old nerds that feel the need to perform. You love the heat and I'm sure that it warms but your karma's going down now, all because I got pissed at my messed up eyebrow and other atrocities as luck doesn't come in trees or bottled properties, it sure sucks when Kafka's stories is your personal prophecies... __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o Last edited by Objective; 01-18-2016 at 05:13 AM.

03-01-2016, 12:34 PM	#4
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	This was pretty cool to say the least, after you got over that opening scheme I started enjoying it that social services/nervousness line was slick as penguins feet bruh, I feel like you littered this with some humorous lines some vivid imagery here with some great references here & there...I may come back to this...Im kind of burned out reading other peoples stuff now.... __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

03-02-2016, 04:19 PM	#5
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Swaggy. Schemes got a lot better since i read from you. Good shit old boy __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

01-18-2016, 04:42 PM	#2
Darius Da Terrible Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Posts: 13 Rep Power: 0	That's what a burden is: when you can't admit to yourself you need serious help and say you got a creative outlet but all you do is writing reviews for yelp. That line hit very introspective yet stream on consciousness type stuff. Very deep at points. Would love to hear this delivered via audio. On this dry wash shit at the side of my office I'm procrastinating on Tosh skits, just don't tell my boss this as I'm honest unless I brag about motorboating that girls posh tits. I like the flow of this one and the multi syllables hit perfect for me lines like No battles but I'm king of the plot if you'd give me a shot and let the bulge on my crotch speak for the size of my cock. came off like filler to me at points like you just tryna to get to the next rhyme. Other than that dope shit. stay up

02-05-2016, 01:57 AM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	lmao record this plz. some funny ass lines in here and good multis Ninja please...

03-10-2016, 05:06 PM	#6
Detriment Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2016 Posts: 27 Rep Power: 0	That's what a burden is: when you can't admit to yourself you need serious help and say you got a creative outlet but all you do is writing reviews for yelp. ^ I liked that. I'm not a big fan of the hot, plot, cop, shock, scheme you got going on but I do like that you using internals and multi's, good practice. Not bad but overall not my cup of tea. :-)