Week 15: (2-1) Copypat vs. (2-0) JESODIST - COPYPAT 5-2

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 15


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!

Topic:"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there"


G/Luck

@CopyPat @JESODIST

[CopyPat]

I wanna be healthy so I try to eat properly
No more fast food, fries or monopoly
Ordering dinners with a side of some broccoli
It’s sorta ridiculous, and I just want lots a grease
Obviously.. it’d be nice for a change
To get the proper nutrients and rice and some grains
My life would just change if my diet steez was better
But I like me the taste of a prime beef that’s tender
My eyes read the menu and right to desserts
Ice cream crescendos; no vitamins served
Depriving my thirst for a little bit of flavor
Cause I ordered a water to mitigate the danger
It really makes me crazy when the fat just appears
Since I been trying to eat healthy for the last couple years!!

[JESODIST]

My Ways are Slanted like a Slithering Snake in the Garden,
Demonic spirits quiver an quake on the path as my Faith is Darkened,
Why does everyone think i'm wierd and Hate when I'm Talking?
Am i persius Eliminating the Kraken or just a canibus clone Immitating his Rappin?
Do we have something in comon with Apes an Dolphins?
Do we really ressurect on the third or right before we Laid in a Coffin?
Are we a species Aging and Spawning going through different Phases of Morphing?
What triggers insie the body when producing those Racing Endorphines?
Raised by a stepfather not knowing which way to go,
The louder I scream no one hears me bro,
Got a baby incoming but no job everywhere is slow,
God said share await nothing in return just give and give,
Stop judging people just live and let live...

[sral]

How does this have no votes yet?

Right, put simply, I enjoyed Copy's take on this more. It suited his more comedic and lighthearted approach over Jesodist's this week.

For wehat it's worth, I enjoyed the ending of Jeso's piece a lot more than I did the beginning with his syllable matching being off and almost feeling like he tried too hard to amke it something it wasn't. His flow tightened up a lot more towards the last 4-5 lines and it read wayyyyyyy smoother. I'm not saying i'm not a fan of his usual style, because I thought against 2triple0 he easily outclassed his opponent that week, but I do much prefer the style he had at the end of this. It's more natural, smoother, it "fits" him more even if it isn't as unique as the style we're used to reading from him.

This verse seemed scatterbrained, it lacked a real clear direction and that showed for me. It wasn't bad given its length, but it was far from his best work. The same can be said for Copy here, in truth, it was far from a polished performance and the entire line didnt rhyme like he usually opens up with LOL!

This was a cool contest, I just preferred Copy's take and execution, that's what the differences was here for me. The quality decided it. I enjoyed his idea and felt it flipped the topic the better of the two while matching if not exceeding his opponent in so far as mechanics/scheming and flow/originality.

MVGT - CopyPat

[2tripple0]

for me this was an interesting battle....... I thought for me that copypat was a bit too generic and his verse wasnt very appealing too me (lol) no pun intended but it was decent for what it was whereas jeso had his same epidemptic style and I thought it really worked for him this tiem....... even though he struggled in the first couple lines I think he overall took this battle with more interesting subject matter and a better verse concerning the topic........ imo I thought his was the better of the two verses so yes Im going to give my vote to him.....

vote: JESODHIST

[e11even]

copypat- this was probably a true story, so I won't poke too much fun. this was sort of tongue-in-cheek, as in you didn't take yourself too seriously in sharing your anecdote. The flow was classic you (solid) and I'm sure most people could at lease partially relate. I liked this.

jesodist- this was ok. I liked how varied and authentic the questions were. as stupid humans we do this often, pondering the meaning of life and the things we do to live it. This also seemed like an invitation into your insecurities and privacy, which is refreshing. Your rhyming seemed a little sharper than your counterpart and provided for shared introspection. this was more than just ok. I liked it. good job.


I liked both of these pieces but one cme across better for me. MVGT jesodist.

[asylum]

Copypat – I totally know this feel right now. I have broccoli sitting in the fridge I bought today but I think I might get jack in the box. Anyway, I like your pieces flow. It was laid back. Favorite lines..
Obviously.. it’d be nice for a change
To get the proper nutrients and rice and some grains
My life would just change if my diet steez was better
But I like me the taste of a prime beef that’s tender
Lol. This simple verse speaks volumes about approach. You stuck to a simple theme and it really worked for you. Nice drop, good word choices. Hit the topic well and stuck to a theme enough for me to say, “it works,” but in all reality, you underwrote.

Jesodist – I’m concerned about your approach so I will break your verse down in relation to your topic. So “the path” stuck to your topic. Good. So you’re a little bit confused with your personal relationships, not good at communicating, that much I gather. You pretty much went with a juxtapose approach by saying you do not know where you’re going, so no road will take you anywhere. At least that’s how I’m relating your piece to your topic. I know what you mean. No one is really listening, man. They don’t care. You have to find purpose within yourself. You should think about taking on a union apprenticeship, they pay you like 20 bucks an hour just to train. Anyway, your verse was super personal and I appreciate that. You spoke from the heart here and I really like the message you have communicated. I feel you bro. but at the same time, I’m not sure if you hit the exact opposite tone of your topic on purpose.. it felt more like a rebuttal. I think your mechanics are your stronger point. You make it a point to match up rhyming syllables throughout your verse and it makes for an enjoyable read but you need to brainstorm a little bit more before you commit to a subject so you can produce formidable content matter.

Mvgt – copypat had the more solid approach this week. That’s all there is to it. Although jesodist really poured his heart out, I think it was more of an OM drop then a topical battle drop. I don’t think either hit the topic head on enough to take it into consideration. Good battle tho. Thanks to both.

[UnbornBuddha]

Lol, as of late, @asylum been killing it with his battle breakdowns.

Copy: At first, I really thought you were underwhelming and honestly the first 4 lines are kind of eh, even in terms of its comedic value. However, the lines after that I really enjoyed it, it had this sense of flow that just toggled along really well. This lines were nice and simple "My life would just change if my diet steez was better
But I like me the taste of a prime beef that’s tender
My eyes read the menu and right to desserts
Ice cream crescendos;"

I enjoyed the way your flow carried us through your whims and splurges.

Jesodist: Friend, don't capitalize your rhymes, we could identify them quite easily and it makes the piece itself appear as if is trying to be grandiose. If you do it for your own sense of a compass to keep track, do it, but lower case all your end rhymes afterward. Besides this, minor mishap there is a grammatical sense of distortion. You are a smart guy, teach yourself the finer nuances of the English language and your writing will reach a new plateau. This is what is preventing you from reaching a more refined work, my suggestion is to read a lot, read books that will help you not only in grammar rules and construction but also writers that are superb. There are many fine English writers, or even reading Spanish writers will help you identify and correlate literary techniques at a much more honed place. Remember, consider yourself a writer, not a rapper. Rapping is but a subset, a categorical melodic feature of writing, but if you can implement that which I mentioned you will be all the better for it, keep striving to elevate, stars are the limits. Like another commentator stated: There was a sense of direction, but there was also this unfocus, which might be due to your focus on just rhymes, remember in a topical match, rhymes are just a segment, story, metaphors, content, creativity, language, vocabulary and all that are just as equally as important as the rhymes. Even though your opponent himself is obsessed with rhymes, he still knows how to write very cleanly and it just leaves a good impression.

Vote: Copypat

[The Law]

Copypat - haha this was a cool verse. I took it as a quite humorous approach to the topic and you did a great job progression through it. However, it wasn't the most unique or craziest of approaches but taking the relevant word usage and making it fit into the rhyme scheme and flow so well is what made this piece. Overall, you chose a direction, and it was solid with great writing.

Jeso - This was a decent take but the verse itself seemed a bit scattered to me. Didn't pick up a smooth flow right from the beginning, that started picking up as I continued reading. I thought you had some decent lines in there though. The questions worked well with the piece. Really isn't much else to say, I thought this piece could have used a bit more depth and consistency towards approach. It lacked a completeness in my eyes.

MVGT: Copypat - Not the craziest of battles here. Copypat just took his approach on the topic and worked with it well. Had good word usage and solid flow. Made it work altogether.

[MMLP]

Pat - for the short piece it was, it was smoothly done. Quality not quantity, love the mechanics involved. Flow and topic was executed smoothly. You staying with the story whilst flowing the way u did, thats hard as fuck, Props! in reality I can relate ALOT to what your talking about, it touched home!

Jes - first thing i look for is the technicality of the piece (flow/ rhyme wise) and then understand what is being portrayed. U only nailed one of those imo, the rhyming was solid (except "hate when im talking") and but i lost track with what was happening, where it was leading, the story doesnt blend together has good as copypat's and thats the area his stood out more

Solid match up, good reading and nice to see line matching!

v/ Pat

[Adonis]

Pat 5-2