Rakontur vs Flo Real - RAK 4-1

[sral]

TOPIC: The Winner Takes It All

Best of luck both!

@Rakontur @Flo Real

[Woke]

Waning seconds strike faster then the start
Each grueling practice has calloused each scar
Every quart poured from his skin
Is just persistence coursing within
No rest for the weary who's clearly so poised
See, he's ready for battle and his weapon of choice?
A shield to block the blood that he spills from his face
The bell tolls and he grins though only death awaits
In the beginning he's quick, you can smell his fire arise
But soon after his dripping eyes are a tell he's burning alive
Still, he proceeds though his abdomen is being shredded inside
He manages to man handle each beast ferociously wise
Tearing skin past the meat, suckling dry
Every ounce of pain will be devoured tonight
A pile of bones left eroding alone
And all because the food chain has him perched on the throne
The clocks swift, as he nears the finish line
His heart skips, nearly giving him a halo for the wings he demised
One-hundred and Twenty seconds have past
As it dwindles down to double zero's and fast
The thirtieth leg is in hand, sopping
Ghost chili topping is dripping it's flame
*BEEEEEEEP*
What remains? Nothing, but a sweaty mane

The crowd erupts in applause
Each crypt is one our champion defeated by jaw

[Flow]

Aladdins Journal
The 4th night of winter

I awake in the cave with a splinter, from the door littered with shards of failed attempts
of bandits to hack through the glittering wooden defence with little success
The mess is nothing comparred to the rough finger nail marks in the wall
These bandits were stalled, but by more then that of the door isnt something that i could recall
Brushing off the dust thats accumilated from legions of dreams that were crushed
I haul my axe up and i thrust, smashing through it at last i eye a corner with lust
Behind the corner is a mystery, it could be a nightmare or it could be the gift of a wish
I lunge and plunge in to the cold abyss, my lungs fill with ice an release heat with a hiss
Skin instantly sodden, this isnt ground... trodden by those without whiskey based potions
After the vigorous motions of panic, im flacid from lactic acid waving me down like the oceans
There must of been a trap door in the floor thats deceived me... wait... i am bleeding
Before i can check the gash in my stomach, i feel im being directed by the most relentless of currents
I have lost all assurance since the loss of the feel of solid earth beneath me
But my endurance and patience is paying as i see a scamper of light, its the lamp of the genie
I allow this generous stream guide me to the dream i once shared with those that did fall
Originally shivered but actually this river is less cold and more cool, soon it will be winner takes all

Then aladdin died. Thats the end. Fuck you.

[e11even]

Rakontur - this shit had me on the edge of my seat with the suspenseful details you drizzled throughout this piece. You're pretty damn good. I caught the ending 4 lines before the finish, but by my fortune teller powers that was far to late to sense a Telegraph. I really like that it kept me guessing. That shit was awesome. Great word usage and decent language and flow as well. It came off like gladiator, and ended in a way that would make Kobayashi proud. Good job.

Flo real- bruh. I hadta go back to the top and read how the fuck Aladdin died, then I laughed even harder than I did reading the ending. A splinter? Really? This was pretty cool as a story though. Not sure who the winner is in all this, perhaps the feeling of dying? Death? The sultan grim reaper? All in all, this was pretty good and the angry comical aspect picked this up a few notches. Good job bro.

I liked these pieces both for the ease of the read and the interpretation of the topic. You both showed interest and that always comes through in the work, sloppy or not. That said, this came down to who did better overall. MVGT Rakontur for the more interesting and well-crafted piece.

[Dearg]

Gonna have to go against the grain here.

Rakontur. I feel like with your short verse and short lines you were able to tell a small story and keep the flow just quick enough for it to seem better than it really is. I think if you stretched this out some and went for more detail, the concept would be stronger but your flow wouldn't have been as fast paced obviously and people would've read it differently. For what it is though. It a decent little piece that was too short and had too many holes in the story due to it's size.

Flo Real, I liked this quite a bit. Much better than the recent stuff I've read from you. The story was pretty creative and original and I felt like your flow, though it started pretty slow, started to pick up about halfway into the piece. I enjoyed the original concept, good stuff.

Vote Flo Real for the more enjoyable story.

[Frank]

Rakontur

Its me, Barbarsar? LMAO Who did I tell you I was>? Anyways Rakontur, You are one of the few writers on Netcees who can get away with not using Multies. I actually cringe when you use multies (not really but for the sake of argument) You're much more unique when you disregard the multi all together and write poetically. 90% of your effective pieces have a line pertaining to the "heart". I've said this before, but it still rings true lol. Not much to this excerpt. It was a shallow, grave submission, Which seems like what you were going for.

FloReal

I applaud your attempt at storytelling in a intricate manner. Lots of tedious detail goes into making a visual truly pop. Somewhere along the lines you lost your footing on solid ground and were swept away with the momentum you had created while writing. It swept you through the Cave you created and spit you out, unsure, of where, and how you got where you went.

Coo battle, thought Flo Real sold his self short with the quibble with Aladdin at the end. Almost like he was embarrassed that he didn't key this time

MVGT Rakontur

[timeless]

Tough battle to vote on. Could clearly tell both rushed every single line they wrote here. Felt like flo just didn't know when to stop way too many times lol. Nothing really intrigued me enough to bring up, seen a lot better from both. I just keep feeling like raks verse caught my attention a little more than flo. Raks verse ceiling was high this week if u feel me. Could go either wau

V. Rakontour

[asylum]

rakontur - ok so im pretty sure somebody just ate something alive in an inappropriate way. it might have been cannibalism. or some weird shit. but something definitely was eaten that wasn't supposed to be. either that, or somebody celebrating a victory over a freshly cooked crunch wrap supreme. could go either way.

flo real - i think your fuck you conclusion could have used a tad bit of polish. although the story overall, was enjoyable, your ending did nooot follow through. anyway...

-mvgt rak-