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#1 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
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LGPA Season 1: Week 10
@Frank @YDK Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time) Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time) Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time) Topic: Week 10 Topic Good luck. |
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#2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
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Opened the map, spun the phone around
Came up with Trinidad This is my official check in
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#3 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
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This is my official check in
Belgium...... |
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#4 |
Senior Member
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Noor Hassanali - but to me you're simply, Dad.
We dedicate our complexion to the mixing of the light skinned mom and dark skinnded dad. We put candles on the cake in front of you. Blow each one of them - all sixty, dad Make a wish - cause there is 60,000 on a list in front of you for a kidney, dad All the kids tease us at school, why is our hair so frizzy, dad You lose all control over the question - why you always get into a tizzy, dad 10 years old, running to your lap, taking a sip with tipsy dad Glenfiddich 1937, 55 year old Macallan, Glenfarclas' we know our whiskeys, dad We knew the careless, self centered, egotistical, stingy dad Our heroic, chivalrous, charmingly silly dad Blow out those candles, or are you too busy, dad? Piggy back rides across the room, this little piggy had... Gather the family for one last photo in front of the chimey dad Chef hat, festive man - 'you just gotta try this chili' dad We miss our dad - we had to write this quickly, dad You see, you taught us not to be wimpy, dad But right now we're teary eyed fore' the breath from your wish was windy dad You were always shitty, dad. But we want you to know you weren't a shitty dad Flip flops - tank top - country boy - city dad Rags to riches, Dad 70's hippy dad - 2015 Indie dad We're singing Happy Birthday now... your grand child dances in my wife She is doing your shimmy, dad Dad, feel the kicking - dad got a kick out of that - don't say you didn't, dad... He kisses me, 10 years old on the cheek, his cheek grizzly, his whisker bristly Dad, you're dying We wonder who is in the will for Dad. Close your eyes dimly, dad. The window a crack, Wait, one of your wishes, dad. They have found a donor for you but the operation will be risky, dad. So, where is my kidney coming from? Guayaguayare... Trinidad
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Last edited by Frank; 09-04-2015 at 08:25 PM. |
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#5 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Luxembourg horseman
your tassels are known to the umpteenth age your harness is spoken of in halls, corridors and through the charitable mouth of Foreman Grills Globalization is a race They're betting on the one that's lagging behind not just in the polls but in the prospects for glory and future and science graduations Luxembourg horseman, what mighty hooves you have with coin slot machines on public bathrooms and generous train station vagrants who will take you for a tour of the city of Brussels at half past wake at no charge; as long as the hearts of the travelers are right The state of things reflected in the crystallized marble spheres Engineered beach balls of granite and rotund brass flung to the outer European states and round back over French rubble and German desires Dutch pilgrimage under Swiss chocolate moons Children gathered on a landmark's lower stairs eating cold ice cream like it's not already icy enough out Luxembourg horseman I bid you safe passage - avoid Waterloo like the plague Last edited by Vulgar; 09-05-2015 at 11:59 PM. |
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#6 |
LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS
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Damn, tough to vote on having read Frank's already and with Vulgar's the fresher in mind. Had to re-read.
Vulgar had a lot of titbits I liked that stood out as I read, especially "Swiss chocolate moons" and "coin slot machines on public restrooms". Both conjured up instant snippets of brilliance that I felt deserved quoting. I liked that you also didn't always rhyme, you let the turns of phrase take prominence and that's something perhaps I could work on. It was a refreshing read, I'm not sure I got it completely other than being about the EU I felt? Maybe it went over my head in parts but I like what I like. LOL Frank: I wasn't a HUGE fan of the constant -dad rhymes. I was almost relieved when you broke it up midway through for a sentence and thought you would defer away from it, then you reverted straight back to it and it took a little away from my enjoyment if I'm completely honest as I just feel that ish is a little lazy on the writers part (No offence, I hate it when I hear DNA keep using "out of here" and "nigga" in his shit too lol) but THEN you had that flip right at the end. It made it all worth it, for me. Not so much a twist ending as a satisfying one that almost brought it full circle and had me like "Oh, that's why he did it!". Suddenly it was like a two-steps-ahead chess move thought out for checkmate. It's essentially what won me over. I can't lie. This one was close to me which is prob why votes are scarce, no one wants to be the first to vote on battles these days. I'm going with Frank this week.
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#7 |
Ad mini tator
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This was a cool battle but i feel like vulgar was at his bestvthis week
With just the right diction and references he loves to put in his work Outsranding writing from both of you. Frank your language is something else But i just feel like u caught vulgar clicking on all cylinders Vote vulgar |
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#9 |
SYRACUSE
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Mvgt frank. I enjoyed His finishing flair and creative elegance. Vulgar was dope. I loved the depth, but only wished his squid ink would've floated more gently toward the ocean floor, awakening an ennervated sting ray from his cumbersome slumber.
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#10 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
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lol thanks for voting.
Frank wins! |
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