Week 11: Spoken vs. Vulgar - (Vulgar wins)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 11

@Spoken

Check ins: Thursday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic:

See topic thread.


Good luck.

[Vulgar]

Check.

[Spoken]

Check

[Spoken]

ATROCIOUS; Im left in...
..such a delectable taste for things.
Selectable but not comprehensible. .
.. to deface what I've seen.

Subtle- balancing lifes gambles; horrifically
Lends the helping hand towards freedom but neglects being enticed.
Her voice succulent like fresh fruits at first bite.
Tearing the wallpaper of such beauty to replace it with scent.
Tracing intent and boarding the window of opportunity.
-Armageddon Is Here

Her gestures are like old R&B songs...
Grooving away the tension; the memories jogged.
Like laying the casket or opening hat tricks,
Feeding the black kids or a fiend aiding what blackens.
She is that strong... she has poise in her posture deflating improper.
Negating the options and proving that instinct
-is not an imposter.

Smooth around the edges but chipping from time,
Her canvas is frivolous with a blank solace.
Capturing moments that never seems to condone us,
Explosive; but only when needing a compositional bonus.
She tends to the opus, painting the sky open...
... to show the rapture of fictional components.

Some say I ramble to the dark and trample the heart,
But u dont feel what I see as my sight is indelible smarts.
I scribble these words to mimick the work...
... that simpletons can only scribe "The Purist Of Art"
-Simply Me

[Vulgar]

ext please?

[Spoken]

Sure thing

[Vulgar]

Lemongrad



The sweet tea leaves sweated pine needle cider seeped in sonogram satin
The people know how much you appreciate your anonymity
dropping in like a winter wind
and collecting your checks like pollen

Maybe marriage vows and unrealized seeds were unreaped
and the fields of golden fetus
were at least as toned as ivory
I've stoned a toddler at sunrise when he wasn't even born
like stepping on a leaf unturned on Cornucopia Ave.

The tree had no visitors, none at all --
emptiness in fields vaster than Elysium and Valhalla
lodestones and birth thermometers
Glass eggs and other fertility symbols
staved in the hollow of the tree
like a Christmas stocking but the household...
No sounds of joy within it
No cries of child's laughter
A human settlement devastated by humans
who settled on a pumpkin patch anomaly

Sycamore Sabbath commences;
I'm shivering air and the rabbis came knocking
on wooden doors to priesthood cabins
Don't mind the Buddhist or Islamic tablets
Read it in the tabloids as clear as murky daylight!

The trees have grown, the pigeons stoned
and the perfect mile has been isolated
as a tree stands at the end like an iron fork
even the scarecrows were intimidated

[sral]

Spoken - Good to have you around here! I liked this piece, especially the closing lines. It showed your maturity as a writer in not going for the shocking twist in the tale and an overreliance on that to get you the win with a big reveal. So many fall into that trap and I pleased you didn't reveal it was a metaphor for something else come the finish. I liked the almost half-lines at the close of each stanza too, it was used to good effect and you're the first I've seen do that. Props.

Vulgar: From line one your visual imagery was immense, I could almost smell the tea leaves. You're too good. The pollen line as well was a deft touch before you had the fetus/seed associative wordplay section which works for you. You really excel in these more abstract worlds you create and thrive in. I love it. This was you in your element.

Vulgar got this.

[Frank]

Vulgar...

How a Floridian could encapsulate such an ice cold vibe really takes superb imagination. You must draw inspiration from those rare 50 degree tropically winter days. Your writing is real Viking like when your at your best. What I think I mean by that is, you are in your element most when you are mythical and legendary and the stuff of ancient folk lore. You have the voice of a Warlock in real life, yet, you have the written word of a wealthy pauper. You are one of my favorite writers on the internet. A big inspiration and a undeniable influence on me and my own work. It appears your poetry is also poignant. To be perfectly honest - I am not a huge fan of poems that do not rhyme - though you have done your research and have the right idea - your meter reminds me of the Poets in the Colosseum - a dignified, nobleness to your beat. I loved the 'Rabbis came knocking' line - because when I think of the Rabbi and their naturally insulating, wintery beard and their father time curls and their wooly mammoth kappel hats - I think these guys can survive that type of weather, Am I right? Lol That concept may be abstract to you, but that was my interpretation. The 'stoned a toddler at sunrise' line, again, very chilling. 'Glass eggs and other fertility symbols in the hollow of the tree' made me feel like literally like baby in a crib playing with a toy. Jack frost would be proud of you my Floridian friend.

Spoken..
Mahalo nui loa na ho'olaule'a me la kaua lol storyteller is that you? Your writing has this uncanny Hawaiianess to it. You write in your Islands off beat Ole language. Anyways. I was going to venture off and write about this picture too, but I was strapped for time. Your fourth stanza was pitch perfect though. You really honed your own in that stanza. Look back and see what made that stanza work, cause in that stanza you came into your own.

Word.

MVGT Vulgar

Voting Vulgar

[Destroyer]

spoken, enjoyed your verse, thought the fourth section was the strongest.
I struggles to find cohesiveness throughout the stanzas, not sure if that was intended...
I really liked the 'her gestures are like old R&B songs' line, great visual imagery there.
would have liked to see more like that.
Vulg, very well crafted story of the tree, and how it came to stand in such solitude.
The second line is the best in the piece, imo, good job at bringing the feel of loniless which encompasses the tree. 'Stoned a toddler at sunrise' adds just enough darkness.

v/vulgar

[Inno]

Vote stryteller

I thought this was tie from language to imagery to overall
Plot or story. Dope dope battle. Good to have you bCk story
Like vulgar you have a very unique and original style thats
Unmistakable lol. Vulgar you cane top tier like always with
The right amount of balance between imagery and diction. Dope
Shit tbh. I feel like storyteller matched you in every aspect. In the end
I think ama go with SPOKEN. I think his abstract take along with
His unique style gave him enough to edge vulgar out. Atleast to me

Very dope battle fellas thank you.

SPOKEN