the black and white picture show

[Zen]

Down the ways on the road I saw headlights shining from a muscled grill, staring back at me and huffing with each rev of the engine.

I kept walking on the sidewalk, the rain pelting the hood of my raincoat.

The diner was to my right. Through the windows I could see the clerk at the desk. She was middle-aged and plump at the hips with a sad smile across her face.

The “Open” sign blinked red near the door.

The girl was standing down the road a bit under the porch of a house I could just make out through the rain.

The car drove past me, humming and growling.

There was a cigarette in her hand. A thick cloud of smoke puffed through her lips, grey, but almost blue in the night.

I looked back down at the ground, shielding my face from the rain. Puddles were in the cracks of the sidewalk, the yellow of the streetlights glaring back at me from within it.

The wind was picking up as I passed her home.

I walked the streets until there were no cars going by. It was early in the morning. Some say it’s the loneliest time. There were birds in the air…somewhere, I couldn't see them. They were probably hanging out on a power-line dreaming of what it must be like to crawl. I’d tell them it’s no life at all and they’d fly away not believing, and I’d just walk.

I checked my phone and it was two o’clock and there was two text messages that I was too drunk to read. Put it back in my pocket and walked the streets.

The signs shut down, and I saw how dark the night can be.

Up ahead was the man in red hunched over.
“Everyone’s dead. Kill yourself,” he said.